kwhita1 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 My ex and I ended things two years ago and are still really good friends. We started out as friends so when the dating didn't work out we went back to what we were. I don't know why I'm just now noticing this pattern but he literally lives with every girlfriend that he has. I didn't move in with him but I had a key to his place and spent most nights over there. The two women he dated prior to me that I know about were long term live in girlfriends and after he and I split up, he moved in with another girl 6 months later. And she was the second girl he dated after me lol. When they broke up in January of this year, we sort of "talked" & hung out on a more personal level than just friends. Tried to rekindle the flame but it wasn't there for me and so he did what he always does and jumped to another new girl. She is now living with him SHOCKER & they've only been dating like 2 months. My question is why does he move on so fast? Why does he get serious about literally every girl he dates and why live with them? The only person I've ever lived with was my ex husband and that's because we were married. I dated him for three years before we even discussed moving in together. Am I the weird one?
Toodaloo Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Nope but he clearly has a problem with being on his own! Either that or they do... 1
kendahke Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 My question is why does he move on so fast? Why does he get serious about literally every girl he dates and why live with them? The only person I've ever lived with was my ex husband and that's because we were married. I dated him for three years before we even discussed moving in together. Am I the weird one? He does it because he wants to do it. This has nothing to do with anyone's weirdness. You approach life your way, he approaches it his way. This works for him and since he's your ex, why he does it no longer really matters. It's not impacting the esteem of your defunct relationship. 5
Gaeta Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Emotional dependency. He cannot be alone. He probably also does not have a good support system other than his girlfriends. People that have large circles of friends and are close to their family usually won't act this way. 2
Author kwhita1 Posted October 4, 2016 Author Posted October 4, 2016 He does it because he wants to do it. This has nothing to do with anyone's weirdness. You approach life your way, he approaches it his way. This works for him and since he's your ex, why he does it no longer really matters. It's not impacting the esteem of your defunct relationship. Curiosity. Last I checked it wasn't a crime to be curious. After all, we are still friends as notated above. I do care about his well being you know!
Standard-Fare Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 I can relate in not fully understanding people like your friend who just slide in and out of serious relationships like it's nothing. But I think that's just the way some people operate and there's no changing it. Does his pattern have any personal effect on you? I'm getting a read that you're bothered by it, in a way that's maybe more than just the frustration and boredom of seeing a friend repeat his behavior traps. The maybe too-obvious guess is that you're harboring some feelings for him... maybe not "romantic" really but just a sense of possessiveness after all these years of knowing him (and dating him twice). You have the insider knowledge on this guy, you know all his flaws, so I'm sure these women must seem pretty naive to you as one after the other fits into your friend's now well-established pattern. 2
smackie9 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 He has mommy complex. He needs to be nurtured, always suckling at the teat. Likes his house cleaned, meals cooked, laundry washed, and have someone help out with the rent/bills. 1
Author kwhita1 Posted October 5, 2016 Author Posted October 5, 2016 I can relate in not fully understanding people like your friend who just slide in and out of serious relationships like it's nothing. But I think that's just the way some people operate and there's no changing it. Does his pattern have any personal effect on you? I'm getting a read that you're bothered by it, in a way that's maybe more than just the frustration and boredom of seeing a friend repeat his behavior traps. The maybe too-obvious guess is that you're harboring some feelings for him... maybe not "romantic" really but just a sense of possessiveness after all these years of knowing him (and dating him twice). You have the insider knowledge on this guy, you know all his flaws, so I'm sure these women must seem pretty naive to you as one after the other fits into your friend's now well-established pattern. That's a fair assessment. However, possessiveness is not the word I'd use to describe it. I know this sounds wrong to say but anytime he gets into a new relationship, I already know it won't last. He has no tolerance and extremely high expectations so the minute the girl ceases to meet every single one of those expectations, she'll be out the door. A more fitting word would be irritated. I'm irritated because by his standards, there's no way to separate the women who are important to him vs. the women who are convenient to him. To me, exclusivity, moving in with someone, proposing to them, etc. is reserved for "the special one(s)". He seems to turn every woman into "the special one". He's 37 and has been engaged four times but he never married; something always "happens" and he doesn't follow through. But like I said, he literally lives with every girl that he dates and he doesn't date casually -- he gets serious with any girl who basically gives him the time of day. It's bothersome to me because it feels like he is selling himself short and settling for whoever will throw him a bone. Also bothersome because I have no way of knowing if what we had was genuine. Thanks for your input. It helped me to realize that there's more deeper meaning to what seems like a surface question. No wonder I feel so strongly about his decisions.
Author kwhita1 Posted October 5, 2016 Author Posted October 5, 2016 He has mommy complex. He needs to be nurtured, always suckling at the teat. Likes his house cleaned, meals cooked, laundry washed, and have someone help out with the rent/bills. This is an answer I could get down with. LOL! I think you hit the nail on the head. 1
sunking101 Posted October 5, 2016 Posted October 5, 2016 Most people see it as convenient to move in with a partner. If they're serious about each other then why not go halves on rent and bills, plus spend more time together? If moving in together involves selling a house then that's a more serious move that I'd reserve for someone I saw as being a keeper but if they both rent or one does, it just makes good sense all around to shack up.
Miss Peach Posted October 5, 2016 Posted October 5, 2016 He's chasing a fantasy relationship if he's moving in with these woman after knowing them for a few months or less with high expectations. As soon as he realizes they are people with flaws he moves onto the next one. 2
BlueIris Posted October 5, 2016 Posted October 5, 2016 My ex and I ended things two years ago and are still really good friends. We started out as friends so when the dating didn't work out we went back to what we were. I don't know why I'm just now noticing this pattern but he literally lives with every girlfriend that he has. I didn't move in with him but I had a key to his place and spent most nights over there. The two women he dated prior to me that I know about were long term live in girlfriends and after he and I split up, he moved in with another girl 6 months later. And she was the second girl he dated after me lol. When they broke up in January of this year, we sort of "talked" & hung out on a more personal level than just friends. Tried to rekindle the flame but it wasn't there for me and so he did what he always does and jumped to another new girl. She is now living with him SHOCKER & they've only been dating like 2 months. My question is why does he move on so fast? Why does he get serious about literally every girl he dates and why live with them? The only person I've ever lived with was my ex husband and that's because we were married. I dated him for three years before we even discussed moving in together. Am I the weird one? He's a mooch who needs a mommy. 1
thecrucible Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 He's chasing a fantasy relationship if he's moving in with these woman after knowing them for a few months or less with high expectations. As soon as he realizes they are people with flaws he moves onto the next one. I agree with this. I had a friend who dated a man just like this. He was bad news in the end because he turned out to be quite controlling and having her move in with him facilitated that. Obviously this is just one instance and nothing to do with what OP said.
Miss Peach Posted October 7, 2016 Posted October 7, 2016 I agree with this. I had a friend who dated a man just like this. He was bad news in the end because he turned out to be quite controlling and having her move in with him facilitated that. Obviously this is just one instance and nothing to do with what OP said. Agreed. The men who asked me very early on to move in with them or marry them were usually quite controlling, jealous, and insecure types.
mortensorchid Posted October 7, 2016 Posted October 7, 2016 He moves in with gfs for a few reasons: 1) Finance - I used to think that people who lived together (as in a bf/gf who were living together) lived together because they wanted to live together. But that's not true - the primary reason is financial. One or both parties are looking for financial security and it's too difficult for them to be on their own. 2) Insecurity - I have known a few people (men and women) who are actually very insecure people while they seem to be confident to casual observers. They want to be with someone (as I think most of us do), but they move in so quickly with another because they want to keep that person. 3) Craziness - I also have known some crazy people in my lifetime, more than most perhaps. I knew a gal who let some guy move in with her after she had known him for one week. You did not read that incorrectly. He was a complete idiot, in and out of jail, and a loser unlike anything I'd ever seen. I was nice enough to him the few times I was around him, but I could not imagine why she was supporting him. I guess see the above point. 4) User / Taking advantage of someone - I tend to see one of the parties that is living with the other as taking advantage of the other. They get the financial security, the "love", the "relationship", etc., but since they are not making it official it's not a good thing. I'm also sighting a specific example of a former friend who was a gold digging w**** who hooked up with a guy who lived in another state and she moved there to be with him. They married and divorced, she used him to get settled in that other state, and still resides there today. It's like that Kanye West song "Gold Digger", she ain't messing with no broke n****s, is she? The bottom line is not to live with someone because it does not work if two people live together. The sense of commitment does not stick with them, one party feels used or taken advantage of.
preraph Posted October 7, 2016 Posted October 7, 2016 It's either emotional neediness or financial. Like someone said above, some people overlap live-in relationships because they never learned to stand on their own. It's not a good sign.
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