Co-worker (ex) is talking about her new boyfriend at work, keeps ruining my day

[Sam1986]

Hi there.

 

I am writing this in hopes of getting some input on how to handle a difficult situation at work.

Long story short, I dated a co-worker over the summer and we were getting pretty close, and she was even talking about us being a couple. She did however go cold really soon afterwards (wouldn't talk to me at work, not contacting me and letting me initiate everything), and when I voiced my worries about the situation (I explicitly told her that if she wants to break up, I would like her to be honest with me and that we have a talk over the situation, as I cannot stand being ghosted or dumped out of the blue when it comes to someone I work with) she ghosted me for two weeks before sending me a really crappy break-up text along the lines of "I have been thinking for a while, is it ok if we go back to what we were before?" (meaning colleagues). I got kind of angry over that, but tried to appear otherwise unphased.

 

About five weeks later, I heard her talk to other female co-workers at the office about some guy, and the week after when the whole office went to the bar for a Friday's beer, I heard her whispering about "some guy over there at the bar". Later when we went to pay and she was standing right next to me, she made a big scene where she waved her hands to greet this guy at the bar, which she had been seeing the night before (the guy even said something about "we should go on a double date next time) so it became quite evident that she was now dating someone new. That was also three weeks ago.

 

Since then, I have been picking up bits and pieces where she talks to our colleagues about this new boyfriend. She never talks to me about him, but the fact that she is increasingly talking about that stuff at work really gets to me. In fact, it has been ruining my work-days quite a bit, as I was recently having some really good progress and getting her off my mind (up until right now, as she just talked about him with me nearby about 15 minutes ago).

 

 

How am I supposed to cope and handle this? I know that I should try to not let it affect me and instead focus on myself, but with her constantly chatting about this new guy (and not caring about my feelings by hitting him up when I'm standing right next to her, only four to five weeks after she text-dumped me), I feel that this task becomes almost impossible. I think it is really disrespectful of her, but I really don't know what to do here as I don't want to bring more drama into this by talking to her about other things than work-related stuff.

[SoulCat]

I don't think there is much you can do apart from just suck it up.

 

From your post, it sounds like you two weren't all that serious, since she only ever talked about you two being a couple.

 

Sure, the text break-up was rather immature but she has every right to date and talk about whomever she likes.

Just take the high road and ignore it, it's none of your business anymore.

Focus on your work and your own personal life.

 

Lesson for the future; don't date people you work with. It rarely ends well.

[HumanMachine]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet, be grateful!

[aloneinaz]

I also am confused? It doesn't sound like you were ever in a serious, committed relationship? You said you dated for a couple of months. Another observation from from you wrote. You kind of came of as clingy and desperate to her which is a MAJOR turnoff.

 

Another fact, you NEVER dip your pen in company ink, EVER. Who wants to risk a work R/S ending and then having to go to work and see that person day after day?

 

What to do? Realize that it was a VERY short time that you dated this girl and stop focusing you time and attention on what she's doing. It's not your business anyway. She told you she didn't want to date you anymore. Roll with the punches and move on.

[stillafool]

She may feel that your feelings for her match her feelings for you. In other words, it was just a fling. She doesn't realize that she is hurting your feelings by moving on so quickly.

[Blanco]

Another fact, you NEVER dip your pen in company ink, EVER. Who wants to risk a work R/S ending and then having to go to work and see that person day after day?

 

Depends on the size of the workplace. For smaller businesses/offices, you're right. I don't really see the issue if it's a larger company where you aren't really working with the person, and may only see them infrequently around the workplace.

[aloneinaz]

Depends on the size of the workplace. For smaller businesses/offices, you're right. I don't really see the issue if it's a larger company where you aren't really working with the person, and may only see them infrequently around the workplace.

 

I get what you're laying down but I'd personally would prefer not dating someone from a workplace no matter how large. It's nice and beneficial when you can cut the cord clean when a relationship ends and never worry about running into them again.

 

It's such a problem now a days in the workplace that many companies are now frowning on workplace dating. They see the impact the disruption and drama causes the work environment.