For all the dudes online who are just looking for nookie

[katiegrl]

This thread has actually become quite funny to me now.

 

Here we have AMJ complaining about, and now even Imajerk calling guys who are actually up front, right off the bat, telling a woman he only wants casual sex with her.... "crude jackasses." Among other unflattering names throughout this thread.

 

On the other hand we have Toodaloo who believes a man NOT being honest and up front about it from the get go, withholding that info from her.... is a deceptive lying sociopathic POS.

 

Oh the irony....

 

I spose the takeaway from this is for everyone to just do and say whatever the hell they want, as long as it's honest.

 

Either the other is gonna like it, like you, or not.

 

It's all a crap shoot anyway.

Edited October 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[salparadise]

I have to admit, if nookie wasn't part of dating.. (when I was single of course) I would have rather gone to the mountains to the cabin by myself or worked on that new piece of furniture downstairs in the woodshop than date and not have sex...

 

Exactly. What some of the demure ladies are failing to understand is that sex IS THE motivation. That doesn't mean we don't want companionship too, of course we do... but sex is what makes men focused and goal driven.

 

Men and women have asymmetrical priorities and strategies. Most of this is simply a natural dichotomy, just a slight offset. The women are complaining that they can't find men who utilize the female strategy. Then they'll turn right around and talk about nexting a man for not showing enough interest. Duh?

 

I think some parents must've skipped that story about the birds and the bees.

Edited October 7, 2016 by salparadise

[Justanaverageguy]

A guy propositions me for sex like a hooker, and I should "respect that and say thank you"? HA! Yes, thank you random man, for choosing me, I feel so special.

 

I don't think I'm getting hysterical or whatever. Yes, it is really frustrating to be treated disrespectfully time and time again. It is really frustrating when people don't have common sense or decency.

 

It's fine that people enjoy casual sex. If I wanted that, I'd market myself that way.

 

I meant as in thanks but no thanks.

 

And again I reiterate what I said previously. There is absolutely no reason to get your nickers in a bunch over this. He didn't proposition you like a hooker at all - believe me you would really be offended if he did. He simply told you the truth - he was only looking for casual fun.

 

There is no issue with that - he is not disrespecting you, if anything he was showing you respect by being polite, upfront and honest with his intentions. All you have to do is say thanks but no thanks - thats not my thing and move on. Instead look at how much energy, anxiety and time you have wasted obsessing over this minor incident.

 

At the end of the day this entire thread boils down to: "I met a guy on OLD who was looking for a different type of relationship to me. How disrespectful!"

Edited October 7, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[fenix]

This thread has actually become quite funny to me now.

 

Here we have AMJ complaining about, and now even Imajerk calling guys who are actually up front, right off the bat, telling a woman he only wants casual sex with her.... "crude jackasses." Among other unflattering names throughout this thread.

 

On the other hand we have Toodaloo who believes a man NOT being honest and up front about it from the get go, withholding that info from her.... is a deceptive lying sociopathic POS.

 

Oh the irony....

 

I spose the takeaway from this is for everyone to just do and say whatever the hell they want, as long as it's honest.

 

Either the other is gonna like it, like you, or not.

 

It's all a crap shoot anyway.

 

Exactly, we can't win anyway so we do as best as we can

[AMJ]

This is something else other than nookie men should be looking for ?

 

Just the fact that women have it, men don't and it's up to us to figure out how to get it.. that alone sets up the scenario that men are after it...

 

I have to admit, if nookie wasn't part of dating.. (when I was single of course) I would have rather gone to the mountains to the cabin by myself or worked on that new piece of furniture downstairs in the woodshop than date and not have sex...

 

There are men out there that ONLY want the ONS, it's up to you to figure out which guy to trust...

 

Ok. I thought I already said this, but I'll reiterate.

 

I'm not anti-sex. I'm not upset that guys want to have sex with me. I DO however, think it's rude when a guy is presumptuous and asks me to have sex with him, when it's the second thing he says to me after- Hi, nice to meet you, what are your weekend plans?

 

Let me put it this way. Would you ever approach a woman in public, ask her out, she says yes, then immediately say "Great! Let's have dinner tonight. And if you're feeling up to it, we can go back to my place after and get physical? I'm not interested in a relationship right now, I work too much and don't have time for that. But if you'd like to hook up with me tonight, I'm in!"

 

And I'm not saying a guy has never said something like that to me in person, because that's also happened more than once in my life. And I always think it's rude, disrespectful, and clearly that approach has never gone over well with me.

[AMJ]

This thread has actually become quite funny to me now.

 

Here we have AMJ complaining about, and now even Imajerk calling guys who are actually up front, right off the bat, telling a woman he only wants casual sex with her.... "crude jackasses." Among other unflattering names throughout this thread.

 

On the other hand we have Toodaloo who believes a man NOT being honest and up front about it from the get go, withholding that info from her.... is a deceptive lying sociopathic POS.

 

Oh the irony....

 

I spose the takeaway from this is for everyone to just do and say whatever the hell they want, as long as it's honest.

 

Either the other is gonna like it, like you, or not.

 

It's all a crap shoot anyway.

 

I don't think that's what any of us are saying.

 

I'm saying, it is SUPER rude to just hit up a woman and say, hi nice to meet you, let's get together and have sex tonight! But no relationship. I don't want that.

 

If people can't figure out why that is rude, they have absolutely no common sense.

 

Toods is saying- when sex is about to go down, if one person fully knows that they are only interested in sex, they owe it to the other person to say so. Why do they owe this to the other person? Because it's common decency. I mean, do you guys still shake someone's hand the first time you meet them? Do you all sign your emails with "Kind regards, respectfully"...do you guys give your seats on the bus or subway to seniors or disabled people, and open doors for little old ladies anymore??

 

What Toods is NOT saying, is that if one person is still unsure, or both people are unsure, it's not inconsiderate to avoid the "defining the relationship" conversation. Because you're still figuring it out, and that's the whole point of dating.

 

Like you Katie, I can usually figure this out. Although, I have been straight up lied to in some pretty big ways. Call me an idealist, or naive, but I honestly think we'd all be living in a better world if people just showed more decency and respect for each other.

[AMJ]

Exactly. What some of the demure ladies are failing to understand is that sex IS THE motivation. That doesn't mean we don't want companionship too, of course we do... but sex is what makes men focused and goal driven.

 

Men and women have asymmetrical priorities and strategies. Most of this is simply a natural dichotomy, just a slight offset. The women are complaining that they can't find men who utilize the female strategy. Then they'll turn right around and talk about nexting a man for not showing enough interest. Duh?

 

I think some parents must've skipped that story about the birds and the bees.

 

I am 100% turned on by masculinity, no doubt. The lazy POS who asked me to have sex with him the other night is a wonderful example of how men have forgotten to be men.

 

"Masculine energy is all about breaking free from constraints, overcoming, closing the deal, protecting, providing, leading…. all absolutely necessary components for a woman to experience from a man so she feels safe and flourishes in her femininity, and feels like a woman.

 

A woman’s level of desire (sexual and otherwise) increases dramatically when she feels like her man is stepping up by pursuing her and protecting her. When this happens, she’s allowed to be the cherished and protected woman who can relax, feel safe, and trust her man."

 

That's not how the random idiot I've been talking about treated me, and doubtful he treats any women that way. Instead he uses OLD like it's Amazon prime for sex.

[AMJ]

I meant as in thanks but no thanks.

 

And again I reiterate what I said previously. There is absolutely no reason to get your nickers in a bunch over this. He didn't proposition you like a hooker at all - believe me you would really be offended if he did. He simply told you the truth - he was only looking for casual fun.

 

There is no issue with that - he is not disrespecting you, if anything he was showing you respect by being polite, upfront and honest with his intentions. All you have to do is say thanks but no thanks - thats not my thing and move on. Instead look at how much energy, anxiety and time you have wasted obsessing over this minor incident.

 

At the end of the day this entire thread boils down to: "I met a guy on OLD who was looking for a different type of relationship to me. How disrespectful!"

 

Okay so being honest 100% of the time is considered good manners?

What if I told him- "well...hm. Your job is not impressive, and looks wise if I sleep with you, you'll be the least attractive man I've ever had sex with. But sure, let's go at it." That's being honest, is that the considerate or polite thing to say?

 

I'll ask again, would you ever just walk up to a woman in public, introduce yourself, then ask her to have sex with you that night? If not, why not?

 

And if you STILL don't get it, then I give up. Public service announcement over.

[katiegrl]

 

Let me put it this way. Would you ever approach a woman in public, ask her out, she says yes, then immediately say "Great! Let's have dinner tonight. And if you're feeling up to it, we can go back to my place after and get physical? I'm not interested in a relationship right now, I work too much and don't have time for that. But if you'd like to hook up with me tonight, I'm in!"

 

 

Well look at it this way. Rude or not rude, at least he's being honest and straight about what he wants.

 

If you're not up to it...then take a pass. Easy peasy, don't see the big deal.

 

IMO better that, than to keep that to himself, leaving you assume you are going out on a nice dinner date with a guy who IS looking for a RL, right?

 

By telling you up front, he is leaving the choice up to you .... not to mention it saves a lot of wasted time showering, getting ready, maybe buying a new dress, etc.... only to discover he is just looking for quick sex after all.

 

Don't you think?

 

I find it very strange that every guy you meet on line says this to you.

 

I did on line many years ago and never once had a guy say that to me right up front like that.

 

Nor in real life...

 

Most guys start hinting at it on the second date... push more for it on the third. But never what you have experienced, I find that totally bizarre.

 

I am almost tempted now to start OLD again just to see what would happen..

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Well look at it this way. Rude or not rude, at least he's being honest and straight about what he wants.

 

If you're not up to it...then take a pass. Easy peasy, don't see the big deal.

 

IMO better that, than to keep that to himself, leaving you assume you are going out on a nice dinner date with a guy who IS looking for a RL, right?

 

By telling you up front, he is leaving the choice up to you .... not to mention it saves a lot of wasted time showering, getting ready, maybe buying a new dress, etc.... only to discover he is just looking for quick sex after all.

 

Don't you think?

 

I find it very strange that every guy you meet on line says this to you.

 

I did on line many years ago and never once had a guy say that to me right up front like that.

 

Nor in real life...

 

Most guys start hinting at it on the second date... push more for it on the third. But never what you have experienced, I find that totally bizarre.

 

I am almost tempted now to start OLD again just to see what would happen..

 

I hopped onto online dating for a while for like a week or two a few months back.

 

It's a **** fest with a few people actually seriously searching.

[katiegrl]

 

Call me an idealist, or naive, but I honestly think we'd all be living in a better world if people just showed more decency and respect for each other.

 

Yeah I am definitely with ya on that one!

 

I can see both sides though TBH.

 

I dunno maybe I am more easy going but I would seriously just let that kinda **** roll off. Maybe even appreciate that he let me know the kind of man he is straight from the get go, so as not to waste time.

 

Again, not sure why it always happens to you that way... I don't know what to advise you re that.

 

Best of luck going forward though!

[katiegrl]

I hopped onto online dating for a while for like a week or two a few months back.

 

It's a **** fest with a few people actually seriously searching.

 

That's disheartening...

 

Think I'll just continue sticking with real life then.

[katiegrl]

 

Toods is saying- when sex is about to go down, if one person fully knows that they are only interested in sex, they owe it to the other person to say so. Why do they owe this to the other person? Because it's common decency.

 

 

AMJ, I DO agree with you and Toodaloo about this^^ and said so earlier, perhaps you missed.

 

 

If he knows without a doubt, 100% that he will *never ever* under any circumstance, want a relationship with her, then yeah he should tell her that, regardless of sex and regardless of whether or not she asks.

 

 

Just though I'd clarify that.

 

Gotta skedaddle now off to HH, hang in and hope it gets better!

[Sunkissedpatio]

I have a feeling, and the guys can correct me if I am wrong and they might not even want to break "guy code" for the purpose of transparency here, but it feels to me sometimes the deciding factor boils down to how attracted to a woman a guy is.

 

Like she is good enough to sleep with if they are horny enough but not someone they would want to date and consider falling in love with. And that to me is pretty rude if that is what is at the basis of their logic. I've heard this from guys.

 

So when you hear this a couple of times then that just gives all dudes a bad name and it has women wondering what their motives are.

[katiegrl]

I am 100% turned on by masculinity, no doubt.

 

The lazy POS who asked me to have sex with him the other night is a wonderful example of how men have forgotten to be men.

 

"Masculine energy is all about breaking free from constraints, overcoming, closing the deal, protecting, providing, leading…. all absolutely necessary components for a woman to experience from a man so she feels safe and flourishes in her femininity, and feels like a woman.

 

A woman’s level of desire (sexual and otherwise) increases dramatically when she feels like her man is stepping up by pursuing her and protecting her. When this happens, she’s allowed to be the cherished and protected woman who can relax, feel safe, and trust her man."

 

That's not how the random idiot I've been talking about treated me, and doubtful he treats any women that way. Instead he uses OLD like it's Amazon prime for sex.

 

God god girl, you need a break from this! Seriously.

 

When it gets this bad, time to work on Plan B.

 

Either a different site (paying or higher class of men) or real life.

 

Have you checked out the Elite dating app? Heard good things about it.

Edited October 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[Weezy1973]

I have a feeling, and the guys can correct me if I am wrong and they might not even want to break "guy code" for the purpose of transparency here, but it feels to me sometimes the deciding factor boils down to how attracted to a woman a guy is.

 

Like she is good enough to sleep with if they are horny enough but not someone they would want to date and consider falling in love with. And that to me is pretty rude if that is what is at the basis of their logic. I've heard this from guys.

 

So when you hear this a couple of times then that just gives all dudes a bad name and it has women wondering what their motives are.

 

I think there are actually very few guys who are intentionally deceiving women to get sex. There are some no doubt, and those are probably mostly full blown narcissists who just use people for their own self interest.

 

I am a very relationship oriented guy and very open about it. This actually means I'm much pickier and way more likely to end things early on if it's not working for me. Sometimes this happens shortly after having sex. She might think that I used her for sex, whereas in reality I just didn't see it as a good fit overall. But sometimes it takes awhile to get to that point.

[Imajerk17]

This thread has actually become quite funny to me now.

 

Here we have AMJ complaining about, and now even Imajerk calling guys who are actually up front, right off the bat, telling a woman he only wants casual sex with her.... "crude jackasses." Among other unflattering names throughout this thread.

 

On the other hand we have Toodaloo who believes a man NOT being honest and up front about it from the get go, withholding that info from her.... is a deceptive lying sociopathic POS.

 

Oh the irony....

 

I spose the takeaway from this is for everyone to just do and say whatever the hell they want, as long as it's honest.

 

Either the other is gonna like it, like you, or not.

 

It's all a crap shoot anyway.

 

Well, I'm not sure I agree with all of this.

 

The equivalent, if we were to flip the genders around, would be, on the one hand, a woman telling a man upfront that she doesn't want to get sexual with anyone right now but she would love it if he would take her out to dinner and she'd love to try that new steakhouse that just opened. And on the other hand, a woman letting a guy continue to take her out on dates when she ALREADY knows she isn't attracted.

 

We as guys would be disgusted at either woman, and rightfully so. The first girl would strike us as presumptuous--what makes her think that she has access to our time and money like that? Yeah, points to her for being upfront I guess, but there is a more respectful way to say that you aren't looking to get into anything. The second girl would strike us as someone who leads someone on.

 

So I see where AMJ is coming from here.

 

And this is coming from a guy who has offended many a woman on here (and earned my username ). Y'all know I'm no White Knight.

Edited October 8, 2016 by Imajerk17

[S_A]

Okay, spill it. I want to hear it all.

 

I'm meeting too many of you lately and I need answers.

 

First of all, why are you going through all of the trouble of online dating just to have sex with random people? That's what bars are for. It doesn't get much simpler than going out on Friday night, buying some drinks, dancing awkwardly with a woman who's also had some drinks, and then going home to have sex.

That is the old fashioned way of no strings attached.

With OLD, you need to take photos, upload those photos, write a stupid profile, make it sound clever. Go through the torture of messaging women and trying to win them over, all heaps and heaps of effort in comparison to the old-fashioned way.

 

Ten years ago, before smart phones, OLD was only for people who were very serious about dating. That's precisely because it takes a lot of effort to meet someone that way. It still takes a lot of effort. Now even moreso because we have people who all want different things and it's not easy to figure out who wants what.

 

So, I'd like men to answer and explain why they think OLD is a great way to meet women for FB or FWB or random hookups etc, do you not think it's way too much effort just to get laid? That's question #1.

 

Question #2 is for men who are using OLD for random hookups, how do women respond when you tell them from the get-go that that is your intention?

 

Question #3- in your experience, how many women online are either looking for primarily, or just accepting of- casual sex?

 

I have not done OLD, but from what I am told by other guys, they tend to go for the women that state in their profile that they are NOT looking for hook ups. Guys think that the women that post those are the most likely to "give it up." I honestly don't know how true that is (if at all).

[xxoo]

Women generally only post they are not looking for hookups when they have hooked up with a few guys, but actually want a relationship. Yes, those girls will give it up. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

 

So basically, you know going in that they don't want another hookup.

[katiegrl]

 

I'm saying, it is SUPER rude to just hit up a woman and say, hi nice to meet you, let's get together and have sex tonight! But no relationship. I don't want that.

 

 

Toods is saying- if one person fully knows that they are only interested in sex, they owe it to the other person to say so. Why do they owe this to the other person? Because it's common decency.

 

Reading the above two comments, I am confused now.

 

AMJ, the above two comments contradict.

 

In the first, you say it's super rude for a guy to tell a woman straight up he only wants sex, but then in the second you say he owes it to her to tell her if that is all he wants.

 

What am I missing? Surely something.

 

Yeah okay it's a bit blunt (and okay rude), but what's the alternative?

 

Withholding that info and taking you out on date(s) and waiting until sex is about to go down and then tell you?

 

Personally I think that is wrong.

 

It's also misleading and an utter waste of time.

 

Just me but would much rather know straight from the get go, as disheartening as that may be to hear.

 

To each his own though.

Edited October 8, 2016 by katiegrl

[xxoo]

Reading the above two comments, I am confused now.

 

AMJ, the above two comments contradict.

 

In the first, you say it's super rude for a guy to tell a woman straight up he only wants sex, but then in the second you say he owes it to her to tell her if that is all he wants.

 

What am I missing? Surely something.

 

Yeah okay it's a bit blunt (and okay rude), but what's the alternative?

 

Withholding that info and taking you out on date(s) and waiting until sex is about to go down and then tell you?

 

Personally I think that is wrong.

 

It's also misleading and an utter waste of time.

 

Just me but would much rather know straight from the get go, as disheartening as that may be to hear.

 

To each his own though.

 

The difference is making the comment in opening statements vs. making the comments after meeting and moving toward sex.

 

I don't necessarily agree that making the statements during opening statements is a bad thing. I'd prefer that to wasting 4 dates on someone who only wants sex. But they are different.

[katiegrl]

The difference is making the comment in opening statements vs. making the comments after meeting and moving toward sex.

 

I see. Okay fair enough I suppose. Thanks for clarifying.

 

I don't necessarily agree that making the statements during opening statements is a bad thing. I'd prefer that to wasting 4 dates on someone who only wants sex. But they are different.

 

Yeah I'm with you. I'm not into wasting time either, would much rather he tell me straight up.... so I can just next him.

 

Whatevs though, you're right, everyone is different.

[Arieswoman]

Katiegirl post #196 makes a pertinent observation;

 

Here we have AMJ complaining about, and now even Imajerk calling guys who are actually up front, right off the bat, telling a woman he only wants casual sex with her.... "crude jackasses." Among other unflattering names throughout this thread.

 

On the other hand we have Toodaloo who believes a man NOT being honest and up front about it from the get go, withholding that info from her.... is a deceptive lying sociopathic POS.

 

Oh the irony....

 

I spose the takeaway from this is for everyone to just do and say whatever the hell they want, as long as it's honest.

 

Either the other is gonna like it, like you, or not.

 

It's all a crap shoot anyway.

 

From my own experiences it worked like this;

 

If I made contact with a guy who and he said on the 'phone something like " I want to get into a sexual relationship quickly" then I thanked him for letting me know and moved on. I wasn't fazed by this because it was an anonymous guy who I'd never meet.

 

On the other hand if he said he was looking for an LTR, met me, chatted to me and then said that he was keen to get sexual quickly, or wanted to know when we were going back to my place etc. I would feel affronted, as IMO he hadn't been totally honest. I would also take it personally, because he's had time to assess me and had already made judgements about my behaviour.

 

Some chaps told me stories about how they made contact with a woman by 'phone and she outright asked when they were coming over for sex, and they went ! They got the bum's rush as well, as there's no way I'd want someone who was so lacking in discrimination.

 

OLD didn't work that well for me. I only got about 3 nice dates out of about 200 contacts, so I didn't use it as a main source of dates.

Edited October 8, 2016 by Arieswoman

[joseb]

 

Anyway it's a good thing to consider, I can give more consideration to what their profiles say. ]I put no effort whatsoever into mine because I don't think profiles really tell much about a person at all, and I don't really think anyone reads them anymore. But it can't hurt to try.

 

Ok I haven't read through the whole thread, but this right here might be why you are getting attention from hookup only guys.

 

Not sure which apps you use, but when i use tinder I usually assume empty profile are probably more up for hookups.

[Eternal Sunshine]

While I think it would be nice if a guy told you honestly what he is after at any point in time, ultimately it's our responsibility to make the decisions that are right for us. If at any time at date 1, 3 or 10, I choose to sleep with a guy, I do it because I want to and knowing that I can handle him never calling me again.