Charmed22 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 (edited) I met a guy last weekend at a friends party. We hit it off immediately and talked the entire night. I asked for his number and initiated a text to him the following Monday, he stopped responding so I left him alone. He initiated a text with me on Thursday and we texted all weekend. Saturday he invited me to a simple fast food run, i didnt think anything of it until he paid for my meal. We made plans to meet up Sunday (yesterday) and see a movie. We kissed during the movie. Afterwards we got food and walked around the mall for a bit. He drove me back to my car since we left the theater in his car. When we got back we talked for a while and started making out for a bit. It didn't feel pushed or sexual to me if anything it was fun and reminded me of highschool days lol. He seemed to enjoy it too since he couldnt stop kissing me and didnt want to end the date despite it being late and him having to work early. I invited him to a festival this thursday and he said he would go and seemed enthusiastic about it. Today I didnt really hear from him. I texted him hello and he responded hello hows your day going. I told him its going good and ask how his was and I didnt get a response. We are in our mid 20s. He is the shy nerdy awkward type and told me he has only been in one 2 yr relationship which ended about 3-4 years ago. He said he dosent know much about dating, relationships or how to pace things properly. He was concerned that he may have moved too quick I assured him It was fine however It will be a while before I am comfortable doing anything more than making out which he agreed. I dont know much about dating either as I have only been in one relationship and every guy I dated since has faded out on me. My question is how do I go about dating this guy without doing too much or overthinking. A part of me cant help but be concerned about the lack of contact today even though another part of me knows its only been a day of not talking, he could have been busy and I have only known the guy a week. When I like someone I tend to really like them immediately despite having a relatively fulfilling life without a guy. That infatuation or puppy love feeling gets to me and I dont want to ruin this before it even begins. How would I keep my cool? Edited October 4, 2016 by Charmed22
basil67 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 (edited) Meh, I don't think it's that easy to keep your cool. I know that I get completely swept up by all those feel good hormones when I meet a new guy. However, it is important to recognise those feelings for what they are and remember that it's not actually love yet. That it takes many months to really get to know a person well enough to love them. Your title asks how to proceed without getting hurt. Thing is, it's impossible to have a relationship without risk. Those who mess about wanting to "take things too slow" afraid of hurt...their relationships don't go anywhere. I guess it's about knowing that if it does eventually break up, you will hurt for a bit and then the sun will come out again. Strength to survive a breakup comes from knowing that you are resilient. When you responded to his message by saying that your day was good and asked how his day was going, I hope you didn't just say that. I assume you told him what you were doing and added some feeling? Because if you didn't, your text may have come off as being very blahhh Edited October 4, 2016 by basil67 1
Author Charmed22 Posted October 4, 2016 Author Posted October 4, 2016 (edited) When you responded to his message by saying that your day was good and asked how his day was going, I hope you didn't just say that. I assume you told him what you were doing and added some feeling? Because if you didn't, your text may have come off as being very blahhh I unfortunately responded exactly like that. I was wondering if the text sounded annoyed or not but I thought him being a guy he isnt going to analyze the tone or anything. Usually our texts have much more substance. He is a good detailed texter as am I and our texts are usually the same length. No one word responses or anything and we use emojis but for some reason didnt do it today, Most of the conversations we have begins with us asking how eachothers day was. Edited October 4, 2016 by Charmed22
Midnight_Madness Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Hi, I consider strong emotional attachment too soon in a relationship to be one of the largest reasons for getting hurt. What is considered to be too strong of an emotional attachment for a relationship? That depends on the specific level of said relationship. Below are a few generic responses to the question intended for those in a very early stage of relationship; -Being dependant on their replies for you to enjoy your day. -Being overly disheartened by replies more than an hour later. -Being jealous of other people in his life that he spends time with. -Needing to know every detail about his day. Avoid these types of generic actions, feelings and responses and you are far less likely to get hurt if the relationship doesn't eventuate. Best of luck in the future .
Miss Peach Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 For me, this is the main reason I multi-date. I don't like feeling too dependent on the outcome until one if rising from the pack and is ready for something more.
VeveCakes Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 For me, this is the main reason I multi-date. I don't like feeling too dependent on the outcome until one if rising from the pack and is ready for something more. This is what my therapist recommended too....because I get easily anxious in early stages.
Author Charmed22 Posted October 4, 2016 Author Posted October 4, 2016 For me, this is the main reason I multi-date. I don't like feeling too dependent on the outcome until one if rising from the pack and is ready for something more. I am not against multi dating but at the moment right now I don't have the opportunity since he is the only guy that I'm talking to. If another guy approaches me that is worth my time, I will give it but for now he is the only guy. I meet guys by being out and about or with friends. Because I choose to not search, I don't find compatible guys as often as someone who is searching would. For me, guys come and go one at a time with gaps between:/ Despite having a busy life I can't seem to suppress those feelings. I am out with friends almost everyday. I have a successful job, Im active, and I do more things I enjoy than I did when I was in a relationship. I have been single for over a year and its honestly been the best year of my life. I know I don't need a man to make me happy or complete yet I freak out when I don't get response from one I'm interested in (still haven't heard from him). Its a contradiction in my mind and thats the issue Im having. I tend to push good men away by coming across as needy when I have absolutely no reason to be needy. I don't want the same to happen with this guy. 1
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