Coldfire Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Hi all! I recently posted about a guy I really like and he seems to like me too but tends to dissappear and not communicate much between dates.I was frustrated because he wanted to see me on weekends and do things together yet he didnt display too much interest inbetween dates... I am afraid I know why now after several more dates with him- he has a drinking problem. It seems that he often drinks too much, then sleeps too much, then feels depressed, etc. etc. I like him so much and he makes me genuinely happy. But his drinking patterns seem like a very serious issue even though he treats me very well for now. Thoughts?
Redhead14 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Hi all! I recently posted about a guy I really like and he seems to like me too but tends to dissappear and not communicate much between dates.I was frustrated because he wanted to see me on weekends and do things together yet he didnt display too much interest inbetween dates... I am afraid I know why now after several more dates with him- he has a drinking problem. It seems that he often drinks too much, then sleeps too much, then feels depressed, etc. etc. I like him so much and he makes me genuinely happy. But his drinking patterns seem like a very serious issue even though he treats me very well for now. Thoughts? He treats you well . . . until he doesn't. From what you've said, alcohol is his priority. He will have difficulty with ED, emotional availability and his priority will always be alcohol . . . there is a country song that goes like this . . . He's told me a million times he's sorry I always take him back though soon I know He'll spend the night with you and leave me crying You don't love him but you won't let him go Oh whiskey if you were a woman I'd fight you and I'd win lord knows I would Oh whiskey if you were a woman I'd drive you from his tangled mind for good No matter what you do I'll do it better You'll never be the woman I could be But you don't have a heart or any feelings And, neither does he . . . 2
No_Go Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Heck no. I dated a guy like this once and nothing was more important to him than his drinking. Caused me ton of issues and financial lost down the line. Thank your luck that you discovered early on. 5
carhill Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Loved someone very much. They loved the bottle more. I'm talking face down in your food, nights and days reversed stuff. Pass. 4
Arieswoman Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Coldfire, This guy is cheating on you - yes, on you and any other girl he dates. Why? Because he's already in a relationship with alcohol and it takes priority over everything else. Move on. Sorry x 5
Tribble Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 No. You are being given an insight now that you would do well to pay attention to. I dated someone who drank too much and not even to the extent you are talking about! He would go out every weekend and get so drunk he thought he was dying the next day. His ideal scenario was get drunk with friends and spend the day in bed with me recovering. Which is OK some of the time. But every weekend, it gets boring. Especially as I was fresh and wanted to DO SOMETHING, not stay in bed all day. He also had no money to do anything. We couldn't go out and do anything because he was skint. Until it came to going out drinking with his friends and all of a sudden he could afford that. I loved him with everything I had but at the end of the day, I wasn't as much of a priority for him. And knowing that hurts. You're being warned well in advance, don't let it get this far. Next him and find someone who will put you before a drink.
Midnight_Madness Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Hi, I think it depends on the person, their level of alcoholism and commitment to other people\things. It is possible to have a sucessful relationship with an alcoholic but compromises need to be made and conditions met. They must be able to support themself's and not take their anger out on you. You must understand that it isnt easy to give up and he may never do so. Best of luck in the future ☺.
Toodaloo Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 No. Run for the hills. I suspect he has more problems than just the drink and you are not there to save him. Follow his lead and go quiet. Stop answering his messages. 2
Popsicle Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Hi all! I recently posted about a guy I really like and he seems to like me too but tends to dissappear and not communicate much between dates.I was frustrated because he wanted to see me on weekends and do things together yet he didnt display too much interest inbetween dates... I am afraid I know why now after several more dates with him- he has a drinking problem. It seems that he often drinks too much, then sleeps too much, then feels depressed, etc. etc. I like him so much and he makes me genuinely happy. But his drinking patterns seem like a very serious issue even though he treats me very well for now. Thoughts? I had this same problem with my last boyfriend and I did date him. He was very handsome, treated me well, and we had a lot of fun. Then he decided to go to rehab for 30 days. He quit drinking but then he changed. He didn't treat me as well anymore. So we broke up. Sad, huh? We broke up after he stopped drinking. I am still kind of grieving.
leogirl876 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 No, dating an alcoholic is a roller coaster ride that only gets worse. Unless they get help which most don't, it gets worse and potentially abusive. You'll always be second to their main love, alcohol. 3
Gaeta Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Do you really need to ask yourself this question? In all of the men available to date you'd pick a drunk? If you want a life with someone that will be unreliable, self-centered, absent minded, that will put his bottle before you, that will embarrassed you in front of family and friends, that will miss your birthdays and and holidays. SURE go ahead and date someone with an alcohol addiction. 2
Zahara Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Hi all! I recently posted about a guy I really like and he seems to like me too but tends to dissappear and not communicate much between dates.I was frustrated because he wanted to see me on weekends and do things together yet he didnt display too much interest inbetween dates... I am afraid I know why now after several more dates with him- he has a drinking problem. It seems that he often drinks too much, then sleeps too much, then feels depressed, etc. etc. I like him so much and he makes me genuinely happy. But his drinking patterns seem like a very serious issue even though he treats me very well for now. Thoughts? So, this guy you met several weeks ago, which you've had about 5-6 dates with (based on your post a week or so ago): 1. Doesn't communicate and disappears 2. No interest between dates 3. Has a drinking problem 4. Gets depressed BUT he makes you genuinely happy? Does that even make sense? I think the sex and oxytocin has clouded your brain. 4
Author Coldfire Posted October 4, 2016 Author Posted October 4, 2016 Yes, sex is great and he is very handsome and fun overall, so yes:) my thinking is somewhat clouded and that's why I've come here for advice. I didn't present the whole picture. He is highly intelligent and a great company and I wouldn't know about the drinking problem if he hasn't consumed half a bottle of whiskey at my place. Then it all made sense. So, this guy you met several weeks ago, which you've had about 5-6 dates with (based on your post a week or so ago): 1. Doesn't communicate and disappears 2. No interest between dates 3. Has a drinking problem 4. Gets depressed BUT he makes you genuinely happy? Does that even make sense? I think the sex and oxytocin has clouded your brain.
Author Coldfire Posted October 4, 2016 Author Posted October 4, 2016 No, dating an alcoholic is a roller coaster ride that only gets worse. Unless they get help which most don't, it gets worse and potentially abusive. You'll always be second to their main love, alcohol. I agree. I guess I just thought that people change over time and maybe once he gets older he will drink in moderation. I had friends in college who used to drink a lot and never became slcoholics. The problem is thaf he is not a college kid and he should be drinking in moderation already.
Gaeta Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Yes, sex is great and he is very handsome and fun overall, . The sex won't last and he won't be handsome for long. In a crowd of strangers I can point to you who smokes and who drinks. Their skin gets old and dead, their features change, their nose get all read and big, their teeth get all unhealthy. By the time they turn 30 they look 50. And I am not even going into what their body smells old booze 24h a day. 2
Zahara Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Yes, sex is great and he is very handsome and fun overall, so yes:) my thinking is somewhat clouded and that's why I've come here for advice. I didn't present the whole picture. He is highly intelligent and a great company and I wouldn't know about the drinking problem if he hasn't consumed half a bottle of whiskey at my place. Then it all made sense. Who cares if he's highly intelligent and great company -- it isn't quite enough when after such a short time he's already showing you how emotionally absent he is with you, and how not to see the huge red flag -- a drinking problem that likely won't be going away. 1
jen1447 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Would you date something who drinks too much? Noo. .......... 2
carhill Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 In that case, dollars to donuts as long as you go with the flow, the ride continues. Any pushback and you get replaced, instantly. Why? Because they can. Beauty and intelligence and money give people the freedom to be who they really are. Others are, well, replaceable because there are billions of people and not one of us is that important, to them. There's always another new uninformed replacement in line. If this guy bowled you over and you're going whoa, how lucky could I possibly be, yup, there ya go. I recall another alcoholic I loved, and neglecting one night to take her keys away because of, yup, that female sexual persuasion thing. She darned near ran my wife and I down in the street, not on purpose but because she was drunk. She's dead now. Anyway, up to you. There are a lot of functioning alcoholics/heavy drinkers on the planet and, yup, some, perhaps many, are liked and loved by others. I did my stint in that realm and ain't going back. IMO, the highs, and you've seen some of them, aren't worth the lows.
Gaeta Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 I didn't present the whole picture. He is highly intelligent and a great company and I wouldn't know about the drinking problem if he hasn't consumed half a bottle of whiskey at my place. Then it all made sense. So? Half people that build great things in our modern society were drunks. Yes they gave society a great gift but made horrible husbands and fathers. Even if he were the next Newton he is not worth it.
Gaeta Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 I wouldn't know about the drinking problem if he hasn't consumed half a bottle of whiskey at my place. Then it all made sense. Want to test him? Get rid of all your alcohol. Lets see how long he'll stay over.
No_Go Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Ok, this: I wouldn't know about the drinking problem if he hasn't consumed half a bottle of whiskey at my place - is a HUGE red flag. Bigger than what you can even think of. I refer to his high tolerance. This guy is not a drunk, he's an addict. He respectively has developed very high tolerance - that happens only after very very serious abuse of alcohol. For example: my ~200 lbs boyfriend is getting tipsy after 2 beers - which is pretty much 1/2 of his weekly consumption. My 140 lbs ex (alcoholic, in treatment without success his entire life) - would drink a 12 pack without showing obvious signs of being very drunk. He has developed insanely high tolerance from binging alcohol every night. How did it work for me with him - read my break-up thread to get an idea. The chance that this will end well for you is very very minimal (if he's committed to get treatment etc) and even then chances are slim Don't put yourself into trouble for someone you barely know. Yes, sex is great and he is very handsome and fun overall, so yes:) my thinking is somewhat clouded and that's why I've come here for advice. I didn't present the whole picture. He is highly intelligent and a great company and I wouldn't know about the drinking problem if he hasn't consumed half a bottle of whiskey at my place. Then it all made sense.
No_Go Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Want to test him? Get rid of all your alcohol. Lets see how long he'll stay over. My ex would trick me in test like this because he always carried a flat bottle of vodka in his pocket. Alcoholics are super creative in concealing their disease. 1
newheart Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Hi all! I recently posted about a guy I really like and he seems to like me too but tends to dissappear and not communicate much between dates.I was frustrated because he wanted to see me on weekends and do things together yet he didnt display too much interest inbetween dates... I am afraid I know why now after several more dates with him- he has a drinking problem. It seems that he often drinks too much, then sleeps too much, then feels depressed, etc. etc. I like him so much and he makes me genuinely happy. But his drinking patterns seem like a very serious issue even though he treats me very well for now. Thoughts? Oh, Coldfire. Take it from someone who grew up surrounded by alcoholics, and is still paying the price years later. Run and never look back, trust me. 1
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