jj99 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Ive hinted, Ive straight up asked if something is wrong, Ive joked around, Ive been distant about it, Ive thrown myself at him... and nothing seems to be happening in the boudoir dept lately. When we first started going out right up until last month, we would have sex multiple times a week, (sometimes multiple times a day). And then all of sudden, it slowed down to maybe once or twice...to then almost non-existent. The last time we had sex was last week and it was only once. In his defense, he is an iron worker and wakes up early and works late. Sometimes when I come home from work he's already asleep on the couch @ 530pm b/c he's so tired. And, after 20 yrs of smoking cigarettes, he has been trying to quit for the past month, to which he blames a lot of that for not feeling like messing around. I understand all of this and I'm trying to be patient, but I'm kind of losing it over here. I don't know how else to approach him about it w/o putting pressure on him. I read up on ppl who are trying to quit smoking, and some things did mention a decrease in sex drive, but this is driving me nuts! + I'm also worried that if this is how it is now, is this how it's going to be when we get older?! We're both in our mid 30's so I cant really see his sex drive already depleting. I try not to bring it up b/c he is sensitive about it and I don't want him to think Ill cheat on him b/c I'm not getting any. And I don't want to put any pressure to what already seems like a disinterest in sex, so anyone or any former smokers (haha) w/ any input would be much appreciated :bunny:
Midnight_Madness Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 Hi, A fluctuation of sexual interest over time is normal. As irritating as it may be sometimes people just aren't as interested in sex, other times they are. If you are worried about his decreased level of sexual interest I would say not to stress it too much as it is a relatively new occurrence. You have already noticed a few reasons as to why this may be happening and are somewhat understanding of it. I recommend talking it out with him if you become increasingly worried. In the mean time there are certain things which can be done to ensure you sexual satisfaction. For instance, exploring your sexuality solo via m*sterbation, the use of toys etc. Hope this helps you in some way, best of luck in the future .
scooby-philly Posted October 7, 2016 Posted October 7, 2016 Hey OP, Yeah - this sucks. And quite honestly, it's more usual for the woman's demands of sex to change, not the guys...... but it does happen. A few thoughts.... 1. You have to determine what else is going on in his life. It could just be as simple as you said - he's trying to quit smoking and that's where is mental, emotional, and spiritual energy is going. A lot of people have to smoke after sense so perhaps he's consciously or unconsciously avoiding it so he doesn't get the same urge. But....he can also go to a doctor and/or a support group - even if he's a "tough guy" - just to get ideas on different things to do and try so that his response to not smoking is shutting down and sleeping his way through. 2. If it's not the above, or that's only a part - what else is going on in his life? Some people withhold sex, affection, attention, etc as a mental game....not right and note mature, but again it happens. After a year together you would have seen this, so I don't think it's a perpetual habit, but he could be angry with you. 3. Probably not #2, but along those same lines, maybe he's hit a low point - either job wise, money wise, or just with life in general 4. Yes, there are things you can try - looks like you went all over the place....is there something he's asked or you've noticed him doing or wanting before that you didn't say yes too? Maybe try it....or buy some new lingerie or 5. Maybe the answer to the sexual thing isn't sexual. Maybe he could use a day out doing something or a weekend getaway. All of this, of course, is conjecture. As I say on a lot of my replies and I notice on the boards when I'm on once or twice a month - the more you share, the more responses you get and the more helpful we can be.
smackie9 Posted October 7, 2016 Posted October 7, 2016 Sorry but, this needs to be discussed straight up. Be understanding/sympathetic, and try to offer solutions like a weekend away / invest in a hot tub to relax / a massage, etc. If that doesn't work, it's time to find a new BF. It's not fair to you if he doesn't want to work with you and resolve this important issue. 1
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2016 Posted October 7, 2016 When we first started going out right up until last month, we would have sex multiple times a week, (sometimes multiple times a day). And then all of sudden, it slowed down to maybe once or twice...to then almost non-existent. The last time we had sex was last week and it was only once. How long have you been in a relationship? Is there a direct parallel with the time he lost interest in sex and the time he quit smoking? You use the words he is 'trying' to stop smoking, what does that mean? Is he using a mean to stop like patches? Is he a big smoker? If he tries to quit 10 cigarettes a day it's different than if he is trying to quit 2 packs a day. 1
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