LondonGirl81 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) I haven't posted on here for months. I came here when I was in a very, very dark place. I had never experienced so much pain in my life, and although I had great friends to support me, it wasn't enough. I would log in here multiple times a day, and along side IC and friends, it was definitely a tool to help me through the process. So, I have finally reached the other side! Yes, there are scars, but wholly manageable, and even partially grateful for. I ended my A when, after a 10 months of pure agony, my exMM told me he could not (or would not) leave his wife and children. In lots of ways we had a fantastic time together, I had never experienced feelings like it before in my life, but alongside the purist ecstasy, it was the purist agony. I stopped eating, lost any self-care I had for myself. I don't know how I handled a new job whilst it was going on. The affair took up every pore of my being. I am a strong willed person, and although I berate myself for getting into the A in the first place, perhaps I'd still be in it if I was of different character. I ended the A in April, and noticed a real shift in mind set by July. I wasn't completely 'cured', but I could feel I had changed. I didn't go hard core NC. I dipped in and out, and even now, I know that was the right thing for me to do. Blocking him caused me to obsess - I preferred to ignore. When I left the A, I could not see the light at the end. Everyone said that I would get through it, but I just couldn't see how. But I'm here - I survived. I am defintly wiser, yet also tainted by it, but I have learnt so much. I am working on issues that run very deep in IC - self esteem,validation, and honest and authentic communication with men. These may not have been brought to light if it wasn't for the A, so for that I'm gradteful for. Do the best you can, listen to your guts and your heart, and know that you will definitely make it through to the other side. Edited October 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs~T 11
Cyra Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Thank you so much for this inspiring post. My A ended a week ago (by him) and im in that place right now where I cannot see any light or hope. I miss him so much, even though I am managing NC. I feel like there is nothing left for me, I feel heart broken and hate myself. I am constantly obsessing about the things that happened and what I could have done differently. I feel like I completely lost sense of who I am. I know I have issues otherwise I would not be where I am right now and I am determined to sort myself out. Thank you again, for the glimpse of hope. 2
Poppy47 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Thank you so much for your inspirational thoughts. I am 6 months NC. I cannot pretend I don't think of him every day in some way. The memories are still strong and there are times when I would give anything to see him. I recently had some time overseas... a wonderful holiday, learning new things and seeing wonderful places. As soon as I returned home, the longing to see xMM became very powerful. It is a struggle at the moment to remain NC. Your post has given me hope that I can do this. Thank you warmly, Poppy. 5
lemondrop21 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 It's interesting that you say it worked better for you to ignore than to block, because blocking caused you to obsess. It seems like different strategies suit different people. I thought that I would obsess by blocking so I never tried it until this time around, but blocking has actually given me MORE relief because I know he can't communicate with me, thus he cannot f*** with my mind or heart any longer. But as I said, different things work for different people and I'm just so glad to read that you found something that worked for you and are doing so much better now! Keep it up girl! And to all of you who have struggled with cutting off an A in the past... Try a different strategy than you've used before! It might just work out better than expected . 3
jenkins95 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 So proud of you LG. I remember your first posts and I often think about you. Your recent update makes me glow. It's over a year since I saw my xAP. I have whole happy weeks now sometimes...... And yes, still the odd bad day or two. For absolutely no reason i can possibly think of, today was a bad day - I couldn't stop thinking of the a..... And all the pain at the end of it. I'm wracked with guilt about it, although I can honestly say I was no more the 'bad guy' than she was. It leaves a scar, a scar that will fade but never completely disappear. Like you, at one time I couldn't believe there was light the end of the tunnel.... But there is! So many more good days than bad and my marriage is doing so much better. I pray that my xAP is doing OK too. Posts like yours gives me hope that she is! Keep then coming LG. With so much pain in these forums, messages like yours are a breath of fresh air! Poppy - hang in there! I know exactly how you feel. I still triggered a lot at 6 months.....I still do a little at 12 months, but much less! I'm on that road with you holding your hand. 4
jenkins95 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 ((((cyra)))) You are amongst friends here. Many have walked and are walking the same path as you. You are absolutely not alone. Ever journey has to start on day one..... And you are on that road now. Even if it was not your choice, grab this opportunity with both hands and stick to it with all your might, because it is your path to freedom. And try not to beat yourself up - we all make bad choices in life sometimes. Do things that lead to pain either for ourselves, others or often both. It's part of being a human. You never planned for this to happen and now you wonder how on earth you put yourself in this position and how you couldn't see this coming..... Well, about 80% of the people posting on LS, myself included, can say exactly the same thing. I mean, I got to 40 and pretty much everything I'd done since i was a kid, was 'sensible', 'mature', 'uncontroversial' and 'good'. Then suddenly I did the most stupid, selfish, crazy, ridiculous thing and had a affair. Something I never knew I was capable of... Something virtually guaranteed to cause pain. I didn't see it back then - I must have taken leave of my senses. Oh, I see it now! Lessons are all too often learned the hard way. You will get there. As much as it is human to feel pain, it is human to bounce back and recover. You are no different. Claim your life back like LG and you will thrive again. Good luck. Please keep posting Thank you so much for this inspiring post. My A ended a week ago (by him) and im in that place right now where I cannot see any light or hope. I miss him so much, even though I am managing NC. I feel like there is nothing left for me, I feel heart broken and hate myself. I am constantly obsessing about the things that happened and what I could have done differently. I feel like I completely lost sense of who I am. I know I have issues otherwise I would not be where I am right now and I am determined to sort myself out. Thank you again, for the glimpse of hope.
spideywoman Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 I really needed to see your post _ hang in there. Thank you for the glimmer of hope. Good luck and stay strong.
Recommended Posts