Toodaloo Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 She's about to go into I want you/I don't want you mode. Get out of there for your own sanity. Your terms must be that she feel the way that you do on all levels, otherwise its never going to work. Right now, she's just taking what she wants and controlling the situation. You will be regarded as a child by her, if you settle for this. Walk and keep walking with NC as much as possible, unless she meets you on your terms only. Oh and get your stuff out of the house. This is her doing so she will have to deal with it. She is using the kids as blackmail. She is also using sex as a weapon to get what she wants from you... The sooner you can cut all contact with this one the better because she is going to mess with your head. Glad you got a good price for your house!
Author Mi7522 Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 How is she using the kids as blackmail?
hestheone66 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 From the outside she seems to be clearly manipulating you. You are obviously a nice guy, but she is using that trait to gain an advantage over you. Everything you have written shows its her way or no way. The previous poster said she was using her kids to blackmail. I think they mean manipulate .. to have you feel responsible for some way and allowing them to use the home comforts that your furniture represents. The use of sex is to prevent you moving on to someone else. The blowing hot and cold is a tactic to keep you confused and hoping for the best. If you're continuing to stay for the meantime, keep up your boundaries..i once lived with an ex who wouldn't move out after he'd broken up with me. I was able to go about my business and I didn't utter a syllable for 9 weeks .. he tried sweet talking and I did buckle for a few months before eliminating him from my life permanently. My life immediately improved... I understand when a nice person gets with some who lights your fire, but trust me the hot/cold and mind****s are just not worth it, and I promise you you will find someone much more suitable who will love you to your core, not just one who is there and let's you have meaningless sex every now and then. How do I know it's meaningless? Because emotional vampires like her and my ex are devoid of the ability to really love another. However, they are empty on their own and will go to bizarre lengths to retain your attention, and financial/material support. This has never been nor will be a relationship that will satisfy you...get out ASAP
Author Mi7522 Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 From the outside she seems to be clearly manipulating you. You are obviously a nice guy, but she is using that trait to gain an advantage over you. Everything you have written shows its her way or no way. The previous poster said she was using her kids to blackmail. I think they mean manipulate .. to have you feel responsible for some way and allowing them to use the home comforts that your furniture represents. The use of sex is to prevent you moving on to someone else. The blowing hot and cold is a tactic to keep you confused and hoping for the best. If you're continuing to stay for the meantime, keep up your boundaries..i once lived with an ex who wouldn't move out after he'd broken up with me. I was able to go about my business and I didn't utter a syllable for 9 weeks .. he tried sweet talking and I did buckle for a few months before eliminating him from my life permanently. My life immediately improved... I understand when a nice person gets with some who lights your fire, but trust me the hot/cold and mind****s are just not worth it, and I promise you you will find someone much more suitable who will love you to your core, not just one who is there and let's you have meaningless sex every now and then. How do I know it's meaningless? Because emotional vampires like her and my ex are devoid of the ability to really love another. However, they are empty on their own and will go to bizarre lengths to retain your attention, and financial/material support. This has never been nor will be a relationship that will satisfy you...get out ASAP This has really struck a chord with me and has really opened my eyes to what has been going on. I have decided to move my stuff our of the house but I will not tell her until the day before just so that it doesn't give her time to think about things and try to manipulate how things go. 1
hestheone66 Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 (edited) I did same.. no discussion just left..then complete NC. It will be over soon. Keep your eye on the prize - your freedom. Try and stay away as much as possible. Keep updating pls No need to tell her the day before. Plan it so you know she won't be there..let her come home and find you gone Edited November 11, 2016 by hestheone66
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 I only read the first page of this thread so forgive me if this has been said already but it sounds like all her tactics stem from the fact that she ultimately doesn't want to split up. Have you considered this? The reason she was so angry about the envelope and finding out that you went to a lawyer is because she may have thought in her head it was just another baseless fight/threat to split but that you would all calm down and decide not to separate ultimately but when she saw that you went to see a lawyer it sealed the deal that you were in fact serious. And she is not accepting your decision.
Author Mi7522 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Posted November 11, 2016 I only read the first page of this thread so forgive me if this has been said already but it sounds like all her tactics stem from the fact that she ultimately doesn't want to split up. Have you considered this? The reason she was so angry about the envelope and finding out that you went to a lawyer is because she may have thought in her head it was just another baseless fight/threat to split but that you would all calm down and decide not to separate ultimately but when she saw that you went to see a lawyer it sealed the deal that you were in fact serious. And she is not accepting your decision. You may be right sunkissedpatio but I have not heard from her in a few days now and I would imagine if she had any thoughts of reconciling I would have heard from her. She did tell me she is very confused but what that means I have no idea. Anyways as of right now I am planning on moving my things out as I believe that is her way to make sure I'm not out of her life. Only time will tell if she will reach out to me but she has never done it before so the chances are slim to none that she is thinking of reconciling
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