Venn Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) So I have a girl as a friend who I am very close to and was one of her advisors when it came to love who is paranoid about finding out her ex actually secretly recorded themselves having sex. So this girl did something wrong in the past... you see she cheated her BF twice and had one fling. One was where the girl found someone better in handling a relationship and accepted him as her BF and around a 3 weeks dumped her old BF... the guy went into martyr mode trying to make up to her but she still dumped him and chose her new lover. When her 1st new lover actually had a girlfriend, the girl was hurt and tried making up to her old BF. Her old BF accepted anyway. I told her that continuing the relationship wasn't a good idea because it was going to get more toxic... she didn't listen and continued it anyway because she was amazed how "LOYAL" her BF was even though she cheated. Now when the guy was working in a different country, his girlfriend cheated but happened only like minutes according to her. She made out with a guy when she was drunk and her friends saw her and reported to her BF. She kept on denying it happened but a lot of her friends told him about what happened and then she admitted and kept on saying sorry. After around 2 years the girl was tired of him and his behaviour. You see the reason why she keeps on flirting with other guys is because according to her, her BF is lazy, she feels like she's the one handling the relationship and he has this violent behavior where when something bad happens to his life, he vents his anger to his girlfriend. So in the time where he was very stressed at work, he keeps being violent to his GF until she once again cheated her way out because of his very possessive behavior. Once again he went martyr mode and tried winning her back but this time she is contented with the even better guy. According to her, her ex went crazy/suicidal, blocked her and didn't contact her for months. She can still see his posts using her friends FB account and he didn't post for some time. Around 6 months (or was it 8?) Suddenly, her ex gave her a private uploaded video and gave a chill on her spine because it was a video of him and her having sex. (she didn't show me of course)... She looked so paranoid and her eyebags were black you could see that she didn't have any sleep. She asked him how he got it recorded, and said "he was using a spy camera glasses and the one that looks like a car keys inside a cabinet and one hidden in a drawer." She didn't tell her current BF about it but only me because the situation might get even worse. I told her to contact authorities about it but according to her ex, "he didn't upload it yet but it is up to her if she believes him or not"... "this is what happens messing up a psycho". She spent countless hours looking in porn sites and she even got sick at one point. What to do with this situation guys? I'm not very good with law stuff. Can anyone give me Republic Acts or copy paste something in a law book related to Revenge Porn? Can you help my friend who looks like she is about to give up life? Edited October 3, 2016 by Venn
elaine567 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) She needs to report it to the police and let them sort it out as to laws broken or not. She can't be held to ransom over this for ever and ever. Edited October 3, 2016 by elaine567 removed quote 2
Author Venn Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) Noted. Can you give advice how this person is going to be captured when he is working overseas on a ship? Like how we are going to trace him? According to her, her ex has been going to different companies and work places abroad... one clue we have is that he is working on a vessel though we can't see pictures of him anymore and we don't know his friends abroad. Also her ex told her this... "are you going to tell other people that we had sex even when you're not sure I posted it or not? What if I didn't post it? Every person you are going to tell about this is a risk... you tell them your secrets, they will most likely gossip about it. Your call". Call police? tell friends? good luck on keeping the secret a risk... either I destroy your life or you do it yourself" we don't know where to start. Edited October 3, 2016 by Venn
Arieswoman Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Venn, I feel very sorry for this predicament but I think the advice you need is outside the scope of this board. You need to speak to either police/law enforcement or a solicitor/lawyer. Sorry I can't be of more help 1
Toodaloo Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 This girl needs to take the message with the threats and the video to the local police and report it. She must not contact crazy ex at all just report it. You might also advise that she would be better off spending a bit of time getting to know these guys as a life with out drama is far more fun.
Toodaloo Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Noted. Can you give advice how this person is going to be captured when he is working overseas on a ship? Like how we are going to trace him? According to her, her ex has been going to different companies and work places abroad... one clue we have is that he is working on a vessel though we can't see pictures of him anymore and we don't know his friends abroad. Also her ex told her this... "are you going to tell other people that we had sex even when you're not sure I posted it or not? What if I didn't post it? Every person you are going to tell about this is a risk... you tell them your secrets, they will most likely gossip about it. Your call". Call police? tell friends? good luck on keeping the secret a risk... either I destroy your life or you do it yourself" we don't know where to start. Let the police deal with that. The threats are clear. It is clear that he did not have her permission when the recording was made. It needs to be in the hands of the police. It really is that simple. Your friend needs to stop hiding and take ownership of her actions.
jen1447 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Not sure exactly what countries we're dealing with here but imo it seems highly unlikely the police will go on some international waters fugitive capture mission just to catch a guy who maybe posted a video privately of two ppl having sex so they can then charge him w a misdemeanor and he can pay a fine and walk away w probation or sth like that. Better mindset w stuff like this is to not allow the aggressor any power over you, which means say to yourself "oh well" when it comes to the question of maybe having a sex tape of someone who might be you posted somewhere online among a hundred billion other sex tapes that no one will likely watch. Let it go and accept that shyt sometimes happens and life is never 100% secure, and he loses all his power over her. 2
Toodaloo Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Not sure exactly what countries we're dealing with here but imo it seems highly unlikely the police will go on some international waters fugitive capture mission just to catch a guy who maybe posted a video privately of two ppl having sex so they can then charge him w a misdemeanor and he can pay a fine and walk away w probation or sth like that. Better mindset w stuff like this is to not allow the aggressor any power over you, which means say to yourself "oh well" when it comes to the question of maybe having a sex tape of someone who might be you posted somewhere online among a hundred billion other sex tapes that no one will likely watch. Let it go and accept that shyt sometimes happens and life is never 100% secure, and he loses all his power over her. Nope. What they are likely to do is contact his employer and inform them they need to speak to him and that they need to know when he is back in the country. Sometimes a bully needs a slap in the chops before they back down. Who better than a quiet word from the police and/ or a solicitor. Hit hard and fast when dealing with people like this. Do not allow them to think they have control.
hestheone66 Posted October 5, 2016 Posted October 5, 2016 My toxic ex used to post pics of us having sex on random websites and then on his Facebook tried to publicly draw people s attention to trying to shame me.. I'm a grown woman not ashamed to be a sexual person. After the initial shock I started posting my own sex tapes (with my current very lovely) bfs consent.. it shows clearly that I've moved on and he has no power to shame me...people who are my friends would never choose to look, and strangers who see, well I just don't care. It's 7 years ago and he still hasn't moved on but constantly tried to get my attention in this sick way. I've not been in any contact with him for 6 years... she needs to Be proud that she got away from the crazy
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