sammi_jay Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 this thread is aimed at any guys out there. If you had a girlf and were happy with eachother, had no reason to believe she was unfaithful in anyway, knew she had male friends that she chatted on line with and was always open and honest about herself, even took the chance of tellin you somethin very personal about herself (took alotof courage as was scared he wouldnt be able to deal with it and leave me) was totally honest about gettin a call from an old male friend and told you she dated him over 2 yrs ago for just 2 weeks (not even any sex involved) would it bother you that he rang her as was in the area and thought about poppin in to say hi. at the time he couldnt as i was with my boyf but he was drunk the same eve and as i had been out too i said it was ok for him to pop over, theres nothin between us except two old friends catchin up and seein as he doesnt live near me i didnt see it as a problem. i left him asleep on the sofa as i went to bed but when i woke to hear my boyf comin up the stairs this guy was in my bed! told me he had got up drunk not knowin where he was, found the loo then just got into bed, even undressed! but as i was asleep(also had drank when with the girls in town) i didnt even notice. boyfand i have split as he believes i cheated on him with him, i feel completely and utterly stupid for trusting this guy but at the same time i dont want to believe he did it on purpose as he knew i had a boyf and didnt think he was vindictive like that. I'd like to believe that he did wot alot of guys do when they are drunk and did get into bed without a second thought as he was in a strange place. My boyf (now x) really thinks i invited the guy over for sex, why would anyone do that when they hadnt seen the person in over 2 yrs, just kept intouch online every now and again. Would you find it that hard to believe your g/f was tellin the truth and that just maybe the guy was too drunk to know wot he was doing or possibly did it on purpose, would you blame your g/f for that even though you know she is just a genuinely friendly person. Its just my boyf wont budge, as far as he is concerned he saw wot he saw, i cant even get back into my own bed since this happened as i feel that my trust was totally violated as well as my own personal space. i need a guys view on this as i truly didnt cheat
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by sammi_jay when i woke to hear my boyf comin up the stairs this guy was in my bed! told me he had got up drunk not knowin where he was, found the loo then just got into bed, even undressed! but as i was asleep(also had drank when with the girls in town) i didnt even notice. Would you find it that hard to believe your g/f was tellin the truth Yes. You have to admit it strains the credibility somewhat. I know what I'd think in his shoes - that a bad situation was being made worse by a ridiculous lie. would you blame your g/f for that even though you know she is just a genuinely friendly person. Yes. Friendliness has its limits. Its just my boyf wont budge, as far as he is concerned he saw wot he saw, I'd think the same. i need a guys view on this as i truly didnt cheat You allowed a guy to cross the line quite badly though. A lesser offence, but still bad. The only way back after such an incident is apology. Whether your bf accepts it or not is another matter. Present it in a dignified but very sorry way, then give him time and space to reflect. If you do get back together, your licence to have good male friends is probably revoked.
Author sammi_jay Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 but i know that i have not lied, i feel my trust was violated by this guy who i allowed into my home as my friend. Maybe if i wasnt such a trusting person i would have sent him home as aposed to leaving him sleep on the sofa and that i know now was a mistake. If my boyf truly believed i cheated i dont understand why he is still talking to me and being friendly, if it were the other way around i would want nothing to do with him at all. I have apologised over and over, answered every question he has thrown at me over and over, my best friend has even got involved as she knows me inside out and knows i would never cheat on anyone let alone this guy who has made me so happy. she has made he thoughts to him pretty clear, the guy in question who was meant to be my friend, finally decided to try put things right, somethin he should have done at the time but my boyf wouldnt listen. I've even dug out the first online chat i had with this friend to prove that we are just two people who once knew eachother catchin up and that wot i have told him about everythin he has asked me is backed up in that conversation. I cant change who i am for someone but i can compomise in not seein any male friends unless my boyf is with me so he knows there is no threat there. There are two other good male friends i chat to online and have known them over 18months so confide in them about how i feel and those chats show how much i loved my boyf. Surely if he reads them he will see that i'm not capable of cheating on him and i was just bein the friend i am to this guy, until he violated my trust. I dont know wot else i can do, but my boyf has started bein friendlier even though he says he wont take me back( as he doesnt know wot i'll be up to when he is away) isit possible after all this arguin over it and constant apologies and repeating wot happened over and over that he could be starting to believe i am telling the truth but is too stubborn and proud to have me back?
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by sammi_jay but i know that i have not lied, i feel my trust was violated by this guy who i allowed into my home as my friend. Yes, that sucks. I dont know wot else i can do, but my boyf has started bein friendlier even though he says he wont take me back( as he doesnt know wot i'll be up to when he is away) isit possible after all this arguin over it and constant apologies and repeating wot happened over and over that he could be starting to believe i am telling the truth but is too stubborn and proud to have me back? Well, it sounds like he's inching towards taking you back. Encourage him, but make sure you give him space for it to be his decision.
Author sammi_jay Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 i want to believe that he is starting to believe me and that maybe he has judged me too quickly. All i know is, if i hurt him as badly as he said i did (and he was well nasty when we first talked after it happened) then why is he 5 days later helping me to try get my money back for the holiday we were meant to be going on this weekend when initially he told me i'd made my bed lye in it, he's only been like this since my best friend gave him wot for tellin him he should know me better and trust i'm tellin the truth, then also the "friend" sent him a message to tell him why he did wot he did and that i wasnt to blame and he was a fool if wanted to believe i actually cheated on him because i love him more than he knows. I text him yesterday to see if he got anywhere with the holiday refund (i paid for the hol u see) and he replied tellin me wot he did and then how his day was, plus, after the london bombings i asked if his friends were ok as he has some living there and he again replied tellin me how they were, are these the actions of someone who really believes i cheated? I love him and want to believe he is comin round to realising i was truthful, but at the same time i dont want to get my hopes up, wot do you think? Oh, and i also mailed his sister as we got on really well and she is very much like me, lots of male friends, she has met someone she really likes but still intouch with her x so i told her to cut all ties with him so she doesnt end up in the same situation i was. I let my boyf know that i had mailed he to tell her that and to apologise for hurting him the way he believes i have. I know if her x was in her area in say a yrs time and she hadnt seen him all that time she wouldnt have a problem at inviting him over either. i dont want her to go through wot i just have, do you think that was a bad move, i just hate for her to think i did that to him when she knows how much i loved him. I guess i'm also hoping she will be more understanding of the situation and tell him to not be so harsh finishing with me.
ggallin13 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I would think that you cheated. I fI walked in and a naked guy was in bed with my GF I would flip out. And I would never talk to her again regardless of her explanations. It's great that you are friendly, and it sucks that this guy took advantage of you, but when in a relationship it is always better to avoid situations like that. I wish you luck with your BF. I hope he is more forgiving than I would be in this situation.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by sammi_jay I love him and want to believe he is comin round to realising i was truthful, but at the same time i dont want to get my hopes up, wot do you think? It does sound like he is in 2 minds about you. Although helping with the holiday and stuff may in part be motivated by the desire to be honourable. Although my money is on him taking you back, don't forget that 2 minds can go either way
Author sammi_jay Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 he wasnt naked, had socks and undies on apparantly, and i still had my clothes on from the night before as i only managed to get skirt off before passing out, which most people do after they drink
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