13008108388 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 I'm from the mainland but went to Hawaii for graduate school where met my first serious boyfriend. I was tired of the bad boy type and because he was such a nice guy I decided to try it out with him.. We really got along and he helped me a lot throughout school since I was alone there and didn't have any friends or family. After 3 years together we graduated and I matched for a post grad internship in a different state.. The plan was for me to finish my year internship and return to Hawaii to settle down with him.. We weren't able to visit each other during our long distance relationship due to work.. after a while I could tell he didn't really love me anymore.. One day I asked if he thought I was the one for him and he said I don't know.. It really broke my heart because I thought he was the one. I debated breaking up with him after he said that because it completely crushed me.. but I couldn't do it because of all the time we had spent together. A part of me also thought maybe it was the distance that made him unsure. After my internship ended I found a job in Hawaii and moved in with him because we agreed to try working things out.. but it wasn't the same anymore. I didn't really have the same feelings for him anymore knowing that after being together for 4 years, he still didn't consider me to be the one. We basically lived together like roommates for a few months and then finally we talked about the status of our relationship and decided it wasn't working out.. He didn't kick me out of his place after we broke up and we continued to live together as friends until I found my own apartment. Now I'm moving out of his place soon and I shouldn't feel sad because I don't really like him romantically anymore, but I still feel like my whole world is upside down. I don't want to lose someone I viewed as family for 4 years and I don't think I know how to be alone anymore especially since I'm in Hawaii away from my close friends and family.. Any advice on how to recover would be helpful
Zapbasket Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Honestly? Move to be with your friends and family while you enter this new chapter in your life. This comes from someone who went through a very hurtful breakup after a 3.5-year relationship while living across the country where I had no close friends and no family. I was devastated and had NO ONE to turn to, and it made something that was already hard about a million times harder. It was so bad that at one point I even contemplated suicide. Or more it was that I felt so desperately lonely with all this grief that I simply didn't know what to do or where to go and dying seemed like an option. I wouldn't wish that whole experience on anyone. And if I had it to do over again, I would have picked up and moved in with my mom temporarily the day after the breakup happened. I'm sorry you're hurting. Good on you for being true to yourself and your feelings and letting this relationship go. It sounds like it simply ran its course, and you're right: if someone still doesn't know whether you're "the one" after four years of dating, then that's an answer right there. You were strong and brave to recognize that and start to detach in response. You should feel proud of yourself for having that kind of strength and self-regard. 2
Author 13008108388 Posted October 4, 2016 Author Posted October 4, 2016 Thank you for your encouragement and advice. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and write all that.. As much as I wish I could move back with my mom for a while unfortunately I can't since it's my first real job and I just started a few months ago. The field is pretty competitive and I cant risk being unemployed too. I am planning on moving in 6 months closer to where my friends are though.. Just hope the 6 months here will be okay.. I have had moments where I felt like I didn't know how to continue living anymore.. but I'm glad to see theres others out there who have had similar experiences and made it through..
Recommended Posts