Not interested...how to say

[Thaymore]

How to tell a guy I have went on a few dates with, who paid for everything, who asked me if the dates went well and I said yes because I felt bad that I am not interested? Is there anyone nice way to say it? Also we are introduced by a mutual friend, and everyone is so excited about us dating. I don't know how to say it and I feel like I am disappointing everyone.

[Space Ritual]

There is really no "nice" way to go about it...however, even if it does not feel like it now, you should be honest with him and tell him that you simply are not interested in dating him further.

 

The problem is, that which ever way you approach this, you will be looked upon by him as a liar...which you are. Mutual friends or not, that's the price you pay.

 

Just tell him the truth. He may thank you for your honesty, but it is crucial that you are honest with him.

 

I take it that you have issues being a people pleaser, as well as being risk averse in general?

 

I don't know about everyone, but it would behoove you to stop lying about stuff, especially matters of the heart. People can handle the truth,even if it is brutal honesty.

 

And perhaps get some counseling to explore why you would commit such self sabotaging acts.

 

Whatever you do, probably the worse thing you can possibly say to him right after you drop the bomb on him is making any sort of suggestion that you would like to remain friends. To guys that receive the nuclear option that you will be laying on him, the last thing they will ever want is to be "friends".

 

Please make a clean break and if you see him in the future walking down the street, just have some shred of dignity by giving the poor guy a wide berth.

[smudge21]

Yes, be honest with him. Treat him with some respect as he has with you.

[marxman2015]

Please be honest with him, dont give him false hope....

Stringing him along will place him in a living hell

If he ask you out, just tell him:

"it was great knowing you, but sorry that I just dont feel a chemistry, all the best!"

 

dont say you are busy or wtever excuse, just be upfront and direct, that will save him from tons of brain trauma.

 

[Toodaloo]

How to tell a guy I have went on a few dates with, who paid for everything, who asked me if the dates went well and I said yes because I felt bad that I am not interested? Is there anyone nice way to say it? Also we are introduced by a mutual friend, and everyone is so excited about us dating. I don't know how to say it and I feel like I am disappointing everyone.

 

Be honest with him. Be honest with your friend as well.

 

Also be careful how you do it as it may put people off introducing you to more men in the future.

 

To friend - Oh I really need to speak to you. That guy is absolutely lovely and I know I am kicking myself but I am just not attracted to him in a romantic way despite him being so wonderful. I really hope I do not hurt him but I do not want to use him in any way as he is so sweet.

 

To Guy - I am sorry as I really wanted this to work and you are clearly a wonderful chap but I am just not attracted to you romantically and I do not want to continue dating you. You have been an absolute gentleman but I am afraid I just do not feel that way about you.

 

Good luck.

[stillafool]

Just tell him "I enjoyed our dates but I don't feel a romantic connection, I hope we can be friends." Just leave it at that. Forget about what other people think.

[preraph]

Tell him "I think you're really nice, which is why I wanted to give it every chance by going on more dates, but I just don't feel it's a match, I'm sorry. I think we better both move on."

[smackie9]

Question....why accept a second date if you were not feeling it?

[Bialy]

There's never a good way. I wonder why you went on several dates and had him pay for everything if you weren't into him. That's really sh-tty.

 

"I'm not sure if this is a good fit."

[strawberryshortstack]

How to tell a guy I have went on a few dates with, who paid for everything, who asked me if the dates went well and I said yes because I felt bad that I am not interested? Is there anyone nice way to say it? Also we are introduced by a mutual friend, and everyone is so excited about us dating. I don't know how to say it and I feel like I am disappointing everyone.

 

"I've had a great time with you on our dates, and I appreciate your kindness, but I don't feel we have enough in common to take this further. Good luck to you."

[strawberryshortstack]

Question....why accept a second date if you were not feeling it?

 

I'm not the OP, but I almost always give men at least two dates before I make a decision. First dates are nerve-wracking, and I'm not always at my best, so I appreciate being given a second opportunity. And so I give two dates, unless it's clear that the reason the date didn't go well was more than just nerves.

 

With one of the guys I'm currently seeing (and the one who will likely end up as my primary relationship), I felt that the first date didn't really go that well. He was nice, and did everything right, but I just didn't feel anything. But I gave him a second date, and on that second date, we were both more comfortable, and we really clicked. It's been nearly 7 weeks now, and he's a wonderful guy, and I'm so glad I gave him that second date.

[smackie9]

I'm not the OP, but I almost always give men at least two dates before I make a decision. First dates are nerve-wracking, and I'm not always at my best, so I appreciate being given a second opportunity. And so I give two dates, unless it's clear that the reason the date didn't go well was more than just nerves.

 

With one of the guys I'm currently seeing (and the one who will likely end up as my primary relationship), I felt that the first date didn't really go that well. He was nice, and did everything right, but I just didn't feel anything. But I gave him a second date, and on that second date, we were both more comfortable, and we really clicked. It's been nearly 7 weeks now, and he's a wonderful guy, and I'm so glad I gave him that second date.

I tried the second/third date trial and it never made me change my mind, the end result was them being hurt/upset. I didn't find first dates nerve wracking, I found rejecting them was. I was accused of leading them on or using them. I was done with that crap. I can tell pretty quickly I'm not attracted to them so I cut it short to not waste anyone's time.

[strawberryshortstack]

I tried the second/third date trial and it never made me change my mind, the end result was them being hurt/upset. I didn't find first dates nerve wracking, I found rejecting them was. I was accused of leading them on or using them. I was done with that crap. I can tell pretty quickly I'm not attracted to them so I cut it short to not waste anyone's time.

 

It's not just about attraction for me though. I found this guy attractive from the start. But there didn't seem to be a lot of chemistry - and it felt mutual to me, so I didn't even expect to hear from him. Surprised me when I not only heard from him, but got asked on a second date.

 

Now, if I'm still not feeling it on the second date, I don't let it go beyond that. I did once, about two years ago, because he was just a really nice guy all around, and totally into me. I thought something was wrong with me, and that I *should* have felt something for him. So I kept trying. After two months though, I had to give up. He appreciated my honesty, but yes, he was hurt. And I refuse to do that again.

[DM_Anna]

Honesty is the best policy.

 

Remember that it is ok to let me know you're just not feeling it. Don't keep him thinking there is something there when there isn't.