truecapricorn Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Guys, would love your perspective on a couple of things. First, do men say things or make contact with a woman just to be nice -- if he's not interested in her at all? I know a guy who has said "we should get together" on 5 or 6 different occasions, and has not followed through on any. There was one date -- albeit, a bit of an awkward one -- but I think there was nervousness on both sides -- it definitely was a 50/50 on the awkward factor. AND right after he said "we should do that again (go out)." Second -- and here's a good one -- if a guy keeps saying (most recent time was face to face) 'we really should get together', then doesn't follow through, you ask him out and he says let's, but then you don't hear from him...only to find him on an Internet dating site (I went online for friend who subscribes to check out something, and I saw the guy's picture) -- why say you want to get together? In terms of "he's just not that into you," would you say someone who'd rather Internet date than follow-through with what he puts out to you is just not interested? Finally, and sorry for the length of this, how do men feel about women asking them out? After the face to face "let's get together", when nothing happened, I asked him out for drink or coffee. He said sure, he'd be traveling, how's about the following week...then nothing. He's got to know I'm interested right? And his response shows he's just not? I apologize if any of this sounds silly and obvious to any of you, but I truly believe there are mixed signals, and I'd appreciate any thoughts. Gracias.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by truecapricorn sorry for the length of this Not at all. You're relatively restrained compared to many posters Most men don't feel the urge to be "nice" in this way - we're more likely to think it's two-faced than nice. But my rule in all areas of life is that, if the words and the actions don't match, listen to the actions. how do men feel about women asking them out? I think most of us like it. He's got to know I'm interested right? And his response shows he's just not? Yes, he almost certainly knows you're interested. And he isn't.
predator8u Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 First, I'm a guy and I definitely like to be asked out! But yeah I think everyone tries to be nice, because girls have been doing the same thing to me and I was upset, but when i think about it,,, I would have a hard time turning people down as well... I hate when people are not upfront and lead you on, but telling somebody no I'm not attracted to you is very difficult for most. I think the best way to say it is to say you are not my type, because honestly, Looks are what starts a relationship in most cases. I think after you try to get together with him for a few times and there is no real response just let it go... if he comes back and asks you out himself than there may be something. But you already asked him out and he said a few things, so wait to see if he will actually do anything... dont make anymore moves... the ball is in his court.... keep us updated and good luck
elijahBailey Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Oh.... it would really be nice if the girl asks a guy out... for a change! LOL. but, hmm, he's definitely not interested. But, honestly, guys like that..... who keeps saying 'we should get together' and this and that but doesn't follow thru...... well, I think are rare. I really wonder what's going on in his head. Maybe that's just his way of saying '... bye now, see ya around...' I think for most guys, they wouldn't even be bothered to say 'let's get together' if they're not even remotely interested. Well, you know, it might be a blessing in disguise... cos if he's so not into acting on what he says, then he's probably not gonna be someone you can trust in the long term... IMHO
Author truecapricorn Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Thank you, both of you,, for your responses -- you both are very helpful, and what you say makes sense. This was definitely one of those live and learn things - we've all had people in our lives who said things they didn't actually mean, or meant but then didn't follow with the "action." I'd pretty much gotten the message he wasn't interested, but there was always that hope whenever he made contact. So thank you again...when I started this post I had another question, but can't remember it now, so...will post later.
Author truecapricorn Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Hey elijahB, I just posted "thanks", then saw your reply. Very helpful as well. I agree...I think this is the exception versus the norm. Okay -- here was the additional question. Do guys pretty much know from the get-go whether a girl is going to be a "buddy" or something else? I have some wonderful men in my life, so this is not a complaint -- I wouldn't trade those buds for anything. But I seem to get down the buddy track pretty easily -- and the 'something else' rarely. Is it a vibe from me, my appearance (as I think RR pointed out, that matters), something else? When you meet a girl, what defines it for you?
predator8u Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 for me personally, I meet good looking girls fairly often,,, and they are all completely different looks wise... I think just about everyone is atttractive in one way or another,,, but what it comes down to is personality. I think looks are a given.... not to be shallow but I wont talk to a girl as if I was interested in her if she is not attractive, and from that point its the personality that decides whether im interested in her and whether there is a possibility of something developing. Of course this goes both ways.... I'm sure not everyone is attracted to me and not everyone likes my personality..... It's all about finding the right match for you as far as being buddies goes.... u have to find out if that person is attracted to you... try flirting a little bit and see what kind of a response you get.... I had a friend for over a year and a half..... and I was REALLY attracted to her but we were just buddies because she was dating someone else.... I dont think she ever knew i had feelings for her before she moved away..... so yeah there is always a possibility your friends could be more than friends... if you get along well and and you both feel attractive y not make a move???
elijahBailey Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by truecapricorn Okay -- here was the additional question. Do guys pretty much know from the get-go whether a girl is going to be a "buddy" or something else? it really varies... Guys, in general, are physical creatures. So it's natural that the physical qualities of the girl takes centerstage at first. I would generally classify the possibilities into 3 categories: 1. She's physically attractive = I have no problems liking her 2. I'm not totally attracted to her, but I don't find her unattractive either = there might be a chance for things to happen, depending on how we relate to each other 3. I'm not attracted to her at all... Period. Note: this is very different from point2 Originally posted by truecapricorn But I seem to get down the buddy track pretty easily -- and the 'something else' rarely. Is it a vibe from me, my appearance (as I think RR pointed out, that matters), something else? When you meet a girl, what defines it for you? Oh, the buddy thingy! I thought that only applies to guys.... like we gotta be careful not to tread down the 'buddy track'. Can't offer any advice on this one cos I'm a guy LOL. But, for me, what defines for me when I meet a girl is Mystery. Nothing beats that.
Opium Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Men be nice, where, when???!! If a guy is interested in a girl trust me he wouldn't give her the run around of saying "lets do this again" and not call. Men have to much pride for that. This guy sounds like a jerk who likes to lead lady's on. I personally don't like those dating online thingy's and wouldn't' trust someone who's on their claiming he's a great catch or something like that. Do guys pretty much know from the get-go whether a girl is going to be a "buddy" or something else? Usually after the first interest is their and you go out on a date, then he can tell if you're "his" type of girl and a girl he could see himself with. After the first date or some time spending together they can make a decision whether you're "wifey" material or just a good friend to have, and heck even a good friends with benefits at that. Men/Woman, it's all about the game. Don't pursue him or make him think he actually got to you by not keeping his word. You can tell what can of guy he is by standing you up and not following through with his plans of what he was "saying". Actions speak louder than words, if I were you I would look for another babe.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by truecapricorn Do guys pretty much know from the get-go whether a girl is going to be a "buddy" or something else? I'm pretty much with Predator and Elijah on this... some girls are definite no-nos from the beginning, others are potentials. A girl who is not a no-no could change her buddy status by a good flirting offensive.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Opium If a guy is interested in a girl trust me he wouldn't give her the run around of saying "lets do this again" and not call. In this respect, we tend to be nicer than girls
Opium Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo In this respect, we tend to be nicer than girls
Marshbear Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Yes. Us guys do not tend to give mixed signals. If we like a girl and want to date her we will let her know and not leave her guessing. Like the other posters I would say he is not interested. Why he feels the need to say "let's get together " and not mean it is childish and immature. I don't think he is being nice but is actually a bit of a cad. Just remember that guys are usually direct in their approach to women and you should not be guessing if he like you or not. If you wonder then he probably isn't into you...
alphamale Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Yes. Us guys do not tend to give mixed signals. If we like a girl and want to date her we will let her know and not leave her guessing. I will agree M.B., but with one exception....if a dude is extremely shy or too "nice"...
BOA Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 this post definitely describes my current situation except in reverse, the guy never ever say anything, but he calls and he takes me out to dinner and such, but he said he's not ready for a relationship, we go out a couple of times a week or just try to hang out together, but thats about as far as that goes, he does nice things for me, and we have slept together. I know if a guy is not interested in a girl, but this is like he's interested but not too interested? I am totally confuse by this whole thing, help!
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