nipunasudha Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 I’m 22 years old, a computer engineer undergraduate. I’ve been with her for almost 5 years now, who is a 22 years old medical student. I’m often very open with my feelings. She is a little mystery type. But together we have so fun. At the beginning of the relationship, we both were studying for Advance level exams. So after our parents got to know, they were furious. Typical Asian right but after she was selected to the universities, I got to meet her family. They are awesome! Really warm, unlike my family which doesn’t express a lot of affection to each other. At the beginning, almost always I had to force her to romantic or erotic things, because she doesn’t want to do anything other than her parents say to her. I know forcing to do anything is not good, but believe or not, we have been only to second base for the 5 years with each other. She loves those moments, but doesn’t return the favor. We have had some alone moments outside, but she’s really stressed at that moments because her conscience. So I can’t really enjoy the time with her alone. We have been to cinemas several times, and have went shopping too. But we have never been to a beach or a park where we can talk peacefully. She is so attached to her family, I feel like an stranger to her sometimes, she is so busy lately because of her medical studies, she got really good boy & girlfriends. She is really cheerful around people. But she gives me a little. If I ask her to meet me outside, she says to come to her home. So I go to her house sometimes. We have some alone time to chat upstairs, we be a little naughty, that’s all. She won’t sacrifice anything from her timetable for me, which I get, she is may be so stressed about her medical studies. But she has a boyfriend, waiting for her to come to me, talk to me without thinking of anything else. I do and I will sacrifice anything to meet & make her happy, and I’m so disappointed of what I get from her. God I love her so much, so pretty, so sweet, but I feel like I’m far away in her priority list. I talked about this with her all the time, sometimes we fight, but she’s not ready to go against her parents, until we get full permission. She’s going to be so busy after the medical school, training in a far hospital, and have to work hard. I try to convince her that this is the best time we can be together, but she’s like ‘deal with it’
oldshirt Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 We may have some cultural differences here so you and I may not see eye to eye on this situation. Are you living in a western culture now or are you in a traditional culture that practices arranged marriage to one degree or another? In the west we choose our own mates. The role of dating in that process is to spend time with someone to get to know them and get to know their values and their mores and to how well they click with each other and see they are compatible with us or not. It is to see if they are the right fit and compatible enough to determine if that person is who you want to marry and have a home and family with. Love and admiration and attraction and respect etc are all components of that, but there is also a lot more. From your description, it sounds like you are a lot more invested in this relationship than she is and you place a lot higher priority on it than she does. It sounds like you are a lot more into her than she is into you. I doubt if there is anything you can do to change that. You basically cannot change another person and you cannot control or dictate what they do or how they feel. Your choice is whether you can "deal" with this or not. Your choice is whether you want to continue to deal with her lack of interest and her lack of investment in you and the relationship VS whether you want to go back on the dating market and find someone else that is more into you and places more of a priority on your relationship. She may be a good person and you may admire many of her traits, but that does not necessarily mean that she is the right match for you. This is why we date. It is to see if someone is the right match for you or not. You may have discovered that even though she is pretty and a good person and you have feelings for her, she may not be right for you.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 I am going to assume that you LS name somehow is linked to your Indian heritage. If not, I apologize. Either way, you and your gf are likely in a non-"Western" culture. First of all, why are you pressuring her?! Forcing her?! That right there makes you a red flag to the umpteenth degree. She is doing what and how she was raised. She is respecting her parents. She made be 22, but I gather that her parents are still supporting her. Pay for her schooling? She's still living under their roof? It sounds to me that you two are way too busy for a steady relationship. If you think priority is just about the sex, you've got it all wrong. Focus on your studies and let her do the same. Her work is much more demanding yours and you need to give her the necessary space to succeed. If you're lookng for sex, find someone else.
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