upsetgirl Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 This could get quite long as I will start at the beginning. Me and my boyfriend first started dating in May 2004. After being together just under six months in November he went to a party. He got really drunk and kept hugging one of his girl friends. At the time she fancied him and he could sort of tell despite the fact that she hadn’t confessed this to him. Well they kept hugging and then towards the end she was giving him water in an attempt to sober him up and he said to her; “Will you look after me tonight?” and so she agreed and they slept next to each other on the floor. He told me he kissed her on the hand in a jokey way like yelled out MWAH! But I am not too sure if it was jokey or not. Well anyway they shared a duvet and were hugging and then eventually went to sleep still hugging. The next day everything was like normal and they were sat next to each other on the sofa and my boyfriend gave her a few hugs and they were sat close together like closer than friends do and their arms were touching. I asked my boyfriend why he slept next to her and then why he sat close to her the next day and he said it hadn’t hit him that he had done anything wrong and it was only later that day he felt guilty and the reason he did any of it at all was not because he fancied her but because it made him feel good and attractive. A few days after this she told him she had a bit of a crush on him and so he had a talk with her and told her that night meant nothing and that he loved me and was sorry for what he had done. She apparently accepted this. Then about three weeks later she asked him to start meeting her more. They go to the same school and I don’t. She only lives a few roads from his house whereas I live on the otherside of town and have to get two buses to see him so we only met at the time once a week. He agreed to see her more and so they started going round to each others houses about once a week after school. They did this for about two and a half months and my boyfriend always told me when he had seen her but I never knew about what had happened at the party nor that she fancied him. I am quite an insecure person and didn’t like it when they met up. I wasn’t jealous I don’t think that is the right word, just that I would get very lonely and felt neglected. I admit those feelings wouldn’t have been there had he been meeting a boy. What really worried me about her though was around Christmas time when my boyfriend was at my house and he received quite a flirty text message from her and we both read it. He then got really nervous around me like he didn’t know what to do. This confused me a lot. In about January people told him they thought it was blatently obvious that the girl fancied him so he went and asked her if she did and she said yes. He told her that nothing was going to happen because he loved me and they were just friends. In February I found out that she had fancied him but by this time she fancied someone new and I found out what had happened at the party. I found out by stumbling across a website of hers where she had typed out her ‘problem’ and described what had happened. I then confronted my boyfriend and he told me he would stop seeing and speaking to her and he kept his word. Unfortunately I have terrible communication skills and couldn’t talk to my boyfriend very well… I never told him how insecure he made me feel at the time when they kept meeting and I told him I thought I could block all this out. For months it ate away at me though and I was even obsessing about it like thinking about it all the time. When it all got too much I dumped him in May and we have talked about absolutely everything since. He knows how I feel and I know how he feels about everything. He told me I am the love of his life and she meant nothing she was just an ego-boost and when they met up they really were just friends. I can see how much he cares for me now and I told him if he was to ever meet up with another girl I would freak out and he said he wouldn’t meet any girls and I am the only one he wants. I can tell he’s being honest and stuff and our relationship has totally changed since we communicate now. My problem is the fact that what he did still eats away at me and so I don’t know if fighting for our relationship is fighting for a lost cause. We are both going to sixth form now so he will never see that girl again. We aren’t going to the same sixth form but he promised me he would see me more than just once a week. He told me he wants to go on holiday next year with me and from now on any few parties we go to we will invite each other. I don’t know what to do though I can’t seem to let go of my anger for what he has done, despite the fact that that actual party was eight months ago. I want to get over this but I don’t know how. Sorry for writing so much… any suggestions?
ggallin13 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 No offense, but all of this is your problem, not his. He told her he doesn't dig her, and you know this. He told you he loves you. You know this. When you mentioned it to him he cut her off. You know this. You are wigging yourself out for no reason, it seems to me. Maybe ask yourself why you are so insecure in the first place? Good luck, and be glad that you are with a guy who is that upfront and honest.
lvgrly Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by ggallin13 No offense, but all of this is your problem, not his. He told her he doesn't dig her, and you know this. He told you he loves you. You know this. When you mentioned it to him he cut her off. You know this. You are wigging yourself out for no reason, it seems to me. Maybe ask yourself why you are so insecure in the first place? Good luck, and be glad that you are with a guy who is that upfront and honest. Very well stated..
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