NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 my ex and I didn't work things out his reason was that he will probably hurt me. Now I've heard guys says I don't want to hurt you but he just deliberately said he will probably hurt me. He also said he doesn't want to be in a relationship. What's the real meaning behind him saying he will probably hurt me?
stillafool Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 What he means is he doesn't want to be in a relationship because he is going to see other girls and if you insist on being bf/gf he will hurt you because he will also be seeing others. 1
Zapbasket Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Could be lots of things: lack of self-esteem, lack of investment/commitment in a relationship with you or with anyone, not wanting to be the "bad guy" and turn you down and so hoping that with this warning you'll take a hint and walk away.... The question you should be asking is, what do you do with a statement like that? And the good news is that THAT answer is very clear: you RUN! Why do you want to be in a relationship with anyone who only foresees hurting you? He's basically telling you that you deserve better; believe him, and walk away. Please, don't waste your time with this guy. 4
Bialy Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 The "real meaning" is... run, run, run! What it most often means is that he has a wandering eye and is not seeking commitment with you. 3
Bialy Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 And don't delude yourself - you can't "change" him. He is being very clear with you - wish him luck and run the other way. 1
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 He also gave the excuse at one point that he got into a relationship with me because he wasn't thinking straight and he was horny....I can't make this up 2
salparadise Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 So basically a cheater Nope, not necessarily. He's saying that he doesn't see you as marriage partner material or intend to be in relationship with you long-term. You're more invested in it than he is. He's giving you fair warning and saying that he doesn't want to hurt you, but it isn't going to turn out the way you're hoping. I've learned this lesson first hand. When someone tells you something like this... I suck at relationships, I'm not a good person, I'll just end up breaking your heart, I'm not good at commitment, it always ends badly, etc... believe them, and say, ok hasta la vista baby. When one half of a partnership has one foot out the door from git-go, it ain't going to be a happy ending. 3
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 All of this craziness actually happened
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 That's true but does that mean I'm not worth marrying? that's hurts to think that someone would think I'm not marriage material. I seem to think I am
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 I have heard that a couple of times. And in both cases, they did indeed hurt me. Listen to him. He means he doesn't want to be with you and would eventually have left anyway. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 That's true but does that mean I'm not worth marrying? that's hurts to think that someone would think I'm not marriage material. I seem to think I am How did you come to that conclusion? Because one guy doesn't think it's not the right relationship? 1
salparadise Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 That's true but does that mean I'm not worth marrying? that's hurts to think that someone would think I'm not marriage material. I seem to think I am No. It means "he wasn't thinking straight and he was horny." From one perspective you should thank him for being forthright and not waisting you time. He could probably keep you on the string indefinitely, all the while knowing that you're wanting something that's not going to happen. Seriously, move on... and don't make yourself available for booty calls or temporary changes in wind direction either! 1
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 He then proceeded to send me childish picture memes with a picture of someone throwing someone away saying get the f*ck outta here.
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 Oh I won't do that I'm not like that
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 He then proceeded to send me childish picture memes with a picture of someone throwing someone away saying get the f*ck outta here. Where on earth did you meet this clown? He sounds about 12. 1
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 Met him in the military. He came up to me drunk trying to flirt with me and talk to me
Zapbasket Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 He is an emotionally stunted douche-canoe. Sending you memes like that? Ugh. Count your lucky stars you're not involved with him. I PROMISE you that whomever he is "thinking straight" with, is not in for much better. This guy makes me 3
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 He also kept pressuring me to give him oral sex and threatened to walk out of my apartment if I didn't do it. He later tried to fix the issue but for me it was already too late. He considered me not having full potential as a partner because it made me feel uncomfortable. I'm Christian
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 After we broke up he told me that everything would have been fine if I just would have done what he wanted me to do. oral sex
Author NJooo Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 That was before things finally ended and the whole I'll probably hurt you stuff
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 To me it means he has plans to do something that he believes will hurt you. Could be a hundred different things as there are many ways one human can hurt another. You have no way of knowing what it is specifically he's referring to and neither do any of us. The bigger question is, why does it matter to you? I'd leave skid marks on the floor in front of such a person in my haste to get away from him and never give him another thought. 3
TooRational Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 No, it doesn't mean that you're not relationship or marriage material. You probably are. You're just not what he's looking for in a partner. There are millions of other guys out there and lots of them will want to be in a relationship with you. The power is in your hand, you need to choose the guy that's right for YOU. This guy isn't obviously. As for your initial question, I said these exact words myself, twice. On one occasion it meant that I didn't feel enough compatibility to envision a LTR but I would still like to date casually and have fun (i.e. sex). It was a warning that the woman shouldn't become too emotionally invested because things would end badly. I also said something similar at the beginning of my last 6 months relationship. In that case it was because of insecurities. I was scared. I don't like to hurt people and I knew that entering into a new relationship meant that there's a risk that one, or both, will get hurt. I was just being genuine in sharing that feeling. In the end I'm the one that got hurt the most in that last r\s. The difference is in the wording. The first time it was "I will probably hurt you". The second time it was "I'm afraid to hurt you". Similar yet very different. 1
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