Jump to content

Married Ex w/baby on the way keeps contacting me

sweetjade0327

By sweetjade0327
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

sweetjade0327 New Member

sweetjade0327

Posted
Posted

Back story, we met in college and dated on and off for roughly two years. It didn't work out as our personalities were completely different. He was more on the shy and reserved side, while I was the more outgoing one. In the end, it just wasn't gonna work out...he just wouldn't let loose with me. We've remained "friends" and I use that term loosely. As we speak maybe two to three times a year. We're friends on Facebook and other social media apps. He'll usually reach out to me on major holidays and my birthday.

 

As usual he reached out to me on my birthday in march just to wish me well etc. via text. We spoke about life and what each was doing. It was a pretty benign conversation. He told me he had gotten married seven months earlier and I acknowledged that I knew. After all, we were "friends" on Facebook lol. I asked him briefly about married life and he said everything was ok and that he couldn't wait for me forever so he got married. I laughed his comment off and we pretty much spoke about other things...my career and dating life. I started seeing someone new and spoke about him briefly. Eventually the conversation ended.

 

I wanna say maybe four days later he sent me a text. He acknowledged what he was doing was wrong, but said he had to honest and let me know he thinks of me all the time. Especially since we last spoke. He expressed that he adored me and was everything he'd wanted in a girl. He called me his "what if girl" and asked if he ever really had a chance with me marriage wise. I was kind of shocked and replied it was somewhat inappropriate to be asking me these things being that he was married. He apologized and we spoke about other things until I had to end the conversation.

 

Six months later he reached out to me again via text. The conversation started off innocent enough asking what I was up to. I gave him a run down and then asked how he and his wife were doing. I knew she was pregnant and asked how she was doing and whether he was excited. At that point I got no response and one word answers. I asked if he knew what he was having. His response, I'm having a girl in two weeks. I congratulated him and told him how happy I was for him. No response. I then asked if everything was ok. His response, everything is fine. Then abruptly he asks me about my boyfriend. I said he was doing well and we'd even contemplated moving in together. His response was nice. The conversation was over.

 

I think by my mentioning his pregnant wife, that may have made him feel a certain way. I don't know why, his profile picture is a picture of them together and she's clearly pregnant. Did he not want me to acknowledge it? At this point I dunno what he wants from me. Why keep reaching out to me?! He's married and has a baby on the way and I'm dating someone else. What can I add to his life. Is he thinking something will ever go on between us?

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
He's married and has a baby on the way and I'm dating someone else. What can I add to his life. Is he thinking something will ever go on between us?

 

Of course he thinking that way and he is making you think that he is not that happy with the pregnancy or his marriage.

 

Many men cheat on their wives when they are pregnant, as they are not getting enough "attention" at home.

Many married men look up old gfs/flames/crushes on FB looking for some "extra" or a way out of their unhappy marriage, or just as some sort of ego boost.

Looking up old gfs/flames/crushes on FB is an easy way to find someone who may still have some lingering affection - it is not so easy to find available people when attached, FB is a good way to test the waters without shouting it from the roof tops.

 

If you are happy batting off his irregular advances then fine but if not then just block him. I am sure his wife would not be happy to know her husband is on FB professing his "undying love" for his "What if..." ex and checking out if she is still unavailable.

 

It is hugely flattering to think that this guy has held a candle for you, for all those years but be wary, some women have swallowed that line, to be unceremoniously dumped as soon as he got what he wanted.

  • Like 4
angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

Posted
Posted

The best way to convince someone to be your side piece is to sell them on the fantasy that they are special...soooo much more special than whoever they chose to marry. I'm sure he's sniffing around elsewhere too...anywhere he thinks he might have a chance of snagging an affair partner. Rest assured that if you started up with him and his wife were to find out, he would throw you under the bus so fast your head would spin. Suddenly it would be you who pursued him relentlessly when you knew he was vulnerable, you who wanted to rekindle what you had in college, etc.

 

The guy is horny and looking for some extra attention. Nothing special there. A garden variety cheater who is looking for easy marks. He's using one of the oldest lines in the book. Not sure why some fall for the obvious lie, but go read the Other Woman section to see how it ends. That's where this is going since you refuse to block, delete, and ignore. That's what you should have done after telling him he was being inappropriate. You cut him off, not continue to speak with him whenever he contacts you because his words are flattering. There's nothing flattering about someone who knows you, thinking you might be open to becoming their side piece.

  • Like 4
  • Author
sweetjade0327 New Member

sweetjade0327

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks guys...I just wanted someone else's opinion about the situation since my current girlfriends are saying something completely different. I've gone ahead and blocked and deleted him from all my social media apps. I wish him the best, but definitely don't intend on being the other woman.

  • Like 3
sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

I think he settled for her and he'd have rather been with you.

 

A fair amount of people loose the one they love and then just try and love the one their with.

 

He doesn't sound like he's really that happy, rather that he had to move on.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted (edited)
I think he settled for her and he'd have rather been with you.

 

A fair amount of people loose the one they love and then just try and love the one their with.

 

He doesn't sound like he's really that happy, rather that he had to move on.

 

***pfft***

 

No one twisted his arm to get married and/or knock up the wifey.

 

This is typical guy wanting to have his "home base" (the wife) and other women he can flirt with to boost his tiny ego.

 

He's happy with his wife, he just wants XXXtra attention. I wouldn't be flattered at all.

 

He probably doesn't wanna talk about his wife and child with you cuz he was never a real "friend". He escapes his reality by chatting you up, so of course talking about his wife and kid is a buzzkill. I mean, if you two were really "friends" you would have met his wife long time ago and/or also have her as a friend on your social media.

 

I think that he was never your "friend". Downgrade him to an "acquaintence". Keep him blocked out of your life.

Edited by Gloria25
  • Like 4
Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
Thanks guys...I just wanted someone else's opinion about the situation since my current girlfriends are saying something completely different. I've gone ahead and blocked and deleted him from all my social media apps. I wish him the best, but definitely don't intend on being the other woman.

 

Kudos to you. If everyone brought this much common sense to the table, wouldn't be an Infidelity forum...

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 2
sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted
***pfft***

 

No one twisted his arm to get married and/or knock up the wifey.

 

 

Of course not. But I've seen the old flame come back in the picture and the man/woman fess up to the fact that they never really got over a past love.

 

It does happen. I've a friend in that exact situation.

 

You see a seasoned cheater saying 'I do". Nobody forced him, but that's not a guy who loves his wife is it.

  • Like 1
CC12 Established Member

CC12

Posted
Posted
He escapes his reality by chatting you up, so of course talking about his wife and kid is a buzzkill.

 

This is exactly what I thought when I read the part about him shutting down when she brought up his wife and future baby. It was also a clear sign that OP wasn't at all into having fun flirty chats with him so he quit bothering.

 

You did the right thing by blocking him, OP. I'm curious what will happen when/if he realizes you blocked him.

  • Like 1
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
Of course not. But I've seen the old flame come back in the picture and the man/woman fess up to the fact that they never really got over a past love.

 

It does happen. I've a friend in that exact situation.

 

You see a seasoned cheater saying 'I do". Nobody forced him, but that's not a guy who loves his wife is it.

 

Look, marriage and/or children is a decision that I do not take lightly...coming from a broken home and all.

 

I don't believe in marrying and/or bringing children into a situation with someone who I'm "lukewarm" about and/or felt that I "settled" for. And even if the case is that someone took the plunge anyway, that doesn't give you a "get out of marriage/kids free card" - as if you were forced into settling.

 

My neighbor is a wonderful example. He appears to have settled. He almost slept with me while engaged, keeps contact with his ex and other skanks on social media, and keeps on staring at me like a lost dog. He had many of chances to ditch his wife and he, if he paid attention, saw the red flags as to what a future with her would be like....but he ook the plunge.

 

Do I feel sorry for him? Heck no. Not even two years into the marriage and she's almost her dad's size in girth. No more make-up, no more looking good for him. And, like I predicted, of it hasn't already, the sex will stop soon.

 

What I'm saying is, who cares if some guy still has feelings for another woman besides his wife - regardless if he just woke up today and figured out. Thing is, he made vows and now children are involved. You stay where you are and do your 18 year sentence, cuz at the time you married and/or put a kid in that pig, you were legally of sound mind.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...