Maxc27 Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 (edited) Hello, I don't usually post on forums, but the pain I'm feeling is really bad and I'd just like to reach out. I'm a 28 year old guy, she is a 23 year old girl.. We were previously together 6 months, and broke up 8 months ago. I did not beg her, and just accepted. The cause was undefined, but I was having major health problems at the time.. We remained facebook friends... 7 months later, I was dating 4 girls, and she reached out to me. She was all for giving this a second chance and felt like she made a big mistake in the past. (Importantly, I am her first boyfriend ever). So as we started again, she made it clear she wants to date me, along with other people off of a dating site. It's her first time using an online dating site, and doesn't really have much dating experience. She's young, so I told her I was okay with that. She also insisted that incase this didn't work out, we could be still be friends. I didn't answer her on that part... In the first two weeks (2 dates), our dates went well. Then suddenly by date 3, the demeanor changed, and I noticed she was constantly texting a guy in her contacts, while she was with me. I did not feel very respected, and she got quiet around me. So then I couldn't help but start to dwell on the past, and the good times. She cried through most of these talks so I stopped. By our 4th date and final week dating, she was doing the same thing. Same guy as well. Clearly not as respectful to me. But I was tolerating. I was being strong because I like her so much and our first two weeks (2 dates) went so well... Then at dinner, I accidentally made a comment about weight. I didn't mean it at all. I was talking about my struggle to gain weight at the gym, in relation to my taller height... It's not that offensive, but she took great offense to it, but didn't address this there until the breakup speech... So after I said it, I asked her questions about her life goals. She didn't have any goals, and said something I can't remember! But this broke me. At the table I said "I love you" and teared up a bit. Then the night only spiraled. We spent the rest of the night at her house crying. She said "I don't know what I want" "I'm not ready" "I want to date around" Etc. I told her I can work with her, she agreed for that time. And we agreed to talk by phone 2 days later... Then on that call, she said this was done. And mentioned that my comment on weight has been affecting her since.. I apologized and cleared myself that I did not mean it like that. She also pointed out that I was dwelling.. I made a big mistake and started begging for another chance. I continued to apologize for my comment, and told her I'd do anything for her. Finally she accepted my apologies, and simply said "I'm not ready". Then the call was interrupted by a family member, and she said she'd call me back in a bit. She never did... I'm on a restricted list on her facebook, not blocked, but that affected me too... I'd like that night, and my chance back. But there is nothing I can do... It's been 2 weeks, I really want to text her, and ask her to be friends, because I am strong enough to handle that, and repairs the possibility that I scared her away... But everyone is saying, my best chances of having her back is by moving on... I thought maybe asking for friends in a month or so. Or maybe when the other guy inevitably messes up... What are some opinions on this? I just need to hear some. Thank you. Edited October 2, 2016 by Maxc27 1
cucumber95 Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Man, you need to respect yourself, it's not right for you that she is texting somebody (in dating way) while trying with you... and also she is using "weight" as excuse for breaking up. Respect yourself, and move on, it's hard, be she doesn't have respect for you, but how she can have respect for you, if you don't have respect for yourself? 2
fromheart Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 She's telling you that she wishes to date other people and keep you in the picture.... Why are you even giving her the time of day? You have to have some self respect; in these situations you move on. She hasn't done anything to deserve your love in any way, and clearly doesn't feel the same way about you. Look after your health first. And sorry to sound harsh but don't go crying with girls (especially one who doesn't deserve to see your emotional side in the first place), that's what your mates are for. 3
smudge21 Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 She wants her cake, and wants you to serve it to her and feed her as well. Sorry, but I don't see this going anywhere and even if she does come back, I doubt she'll treat you any better. Often is the case that when an ex comes back, everyone expects it to be so much better, but usually the respect has all but gone and so has the love and trust. Sadly you said it was okay for her to date others, so in many ways you allowed this situation to play out. Being just friends with someone you have feelings for is always a mistake and always ends the same way. Walk away and stay away. She's made her feelings towards you clear. Accept that and let this one go... no matter how tough that is. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 This isn't about a weight comment. She was obviously looking for a way to get out of dating you, and she chose that as reason to make her exit. The real reason is that she has met someone else and wants to give it a shot. Agreeing to date her while she is dating other isn't strong. It's the opposite, assuming you want her exclusively. It's accepting whatever breadcrumb she tosses your way in hopes she will suddenly start to value you. So don't do that anymore. You won't be strong enough to handle being friends, OP. And that's okay. But at least be real with yourself. Being just friends implies that you are fine with her dating other guys, maybe even getting into a new relationship. How much of a friend will you be able to be when she starts telling you about her new love interest? Being friends with her is not the path to reconciliation. You need to show her( and more importantly, yourself) that you have enough dignity and self-respect to walk away from this. 2
aloneinaz Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Tough love time.. Reread what your post said. Do you think you look attractive to her. Would a guy with solid self esteem and confidence in himself do ANY of those things you did with her? *Agreed to date her and YOU let her dates others. You then felt disrespected when she was texting one of them? Well duh. *Crying and begging at dinner? You've only had a few dates in the last 8 months. How can you be that emotional already? My friend, you need to stop dating and find your self respect. You've done everything wrong here as folks are stating. Girls like strong, self assured, confident guys who would tell them to f-off if they EVER suggested dating them and others. 1
Frozensushi Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Girls like strong, self-assured, confident guys who would tell them to f-off if they EVER suggested dating them and others. Agree 1000%!!!
Author Maxc27 Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) Thanks for the opinions! Edited October 3, 2016 by Maxc27
Recommended Posts