juniorrocha Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Me and ex have been seeing each other for about a month. We haven't made anything official, but we're treating each other as a couple so we're on our way back. We had been in NC for 3 months. During the time we were broken, I was seeing this girl and eventually we became FWB. She ended up developing strong feelings for me, declared them in a mini book of about 20 pages and we decided to go separate ways, since I wasn't feeling nowhere near. Still, every now and then we talk - whenever she initiates. I'm fine so I told her I'll respect when she needs distance and when she wants to contact. We have lots in common so I'm hoping at some point we become friends. Anyway, my ex had seen me with her before and I told her we're friends. But last week she found in my drawer that mini book I mentioned and read part of it. It was clear she was a mix of sad and feeling unsafe, despite me telling her it means nothing. Today she was over here and opened the drawer to get something, and saw the book was still there. She really isn't liking the idea of this book being around. Honestly, I don't see any problem with that. Idk, I think the book is kinda cute and I'd like to keep it. But I don't wanna have problems with my ex, we're having a great time, etc. She said she'll understand if I want to keep it, but it's clear she's not happy about it. I'm asking you to put yourself in my situation. Should I throw that book away or tell my ex (soon to be gf again I guess) I want to keep it?
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Seriously? It's like a serial killer collecting items from his victims so he can relive the moment when he pulls them out. You are keeping a memory out of pleasure....this is why your ex is taking offense to this. You should be moving on, and dump it into the trash. You said she didn't mean much to you so why keep it? So what if it plumps up your ego.....let it go. 4
carhill Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 How long were you and ex together prior? Engaged? Lived together? Where do you want this reconciliation to go? Tip: People feel what they feel, regardless of what you might feel or logically deduce. Relationships are voluntary, including this reconciliation between yourself and your ex. If I were in your shoes and wished to put the FWB in the past and proceed with this reconciliation, and if the mini-book is impeding that, remove the impediment. 2
preraph Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Well, first things first. You two need to sit down and decide whether you are now in an exclusive committed relationship. Until you are, you have no obligation to get rid of the book or the FWB for that matter. But I'm assuming you would like to make it work with your ex, so I think you know that means blocking the former FWB and mailing the book back to her. You need to set some parameters with the ex and either commit or not, IMO. And get rid of the silly girl who is going to happily wreck your relationship. 2
dumbass2 Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Yep, you need to decide what you truly want to do with your ex. If you're giving it a second chance, the FWB should be nowhere around you and ditch the book. If you had just starting a new person, I'd say it's okay to wait until you two are exclusive to end the FWB, but this is your ex and you two I assume are working past the issue(s) that ended it the first time. 2
Toodaloo Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 I would get rid of both and spend some time sorting my head out so I am in a position to go on a date with out having the need to hold on to old love letters etc. But that is me. And I am monogamous and like to concentrate on one person at a time. I don't think either of these girls is the love of your life but I think you are enjoying the attention and sex... 4
BaileyB Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 If you are serious about your ex, you need to get rid of the book. Do you really need to even ask the question? The fact that you want to keep it shows that you are feeding your ego, enjoying the attention from the other woman. And that is a big turn off to any woman. You have to know this... Seriously. 5
DM_Anna Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 I'm asking you to put yourself in my situation. Should I throw that book away or tell my ex (soon to be gf again I guess) I want to keep it? As the others have said, I would definitely think twice about the book. You'll likely find that it will end up causing an argument between you and the girl you are getting back with. Jealousy is a terrible thing. If you want to keep the book I would recommend putting it in the attic. 2
Author juniorrocha Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 (edited) Thanks everyone for your comments. The ex and I were together for 2 years. We broke up in May, got back in contact at the start of September and have been seeing/talking to each other daily; we're on our way to reconcile. I've forgiven all her mistakes (honestly) and vice versa. We're both wanting to be together again. The girl I'm talking about, last time we hooked up was in July. I spent a month outside the town and when I came back in August she handled the book to me. It's been about 3 months since we had anything. We agreed we'd try to be friends, but she's still involved so I'm keeping my distance. The book is still here, because personally I didn't think it's a big deal. Actually, I still have some stuff from old lovers - including my ex's - which I like to keep. They remind me of that person, not in a romantic way, but as a happy memory. In fact, most of them I wasn't even in love with. But I do understand where you guys are coming from and I'm getting rid of the book (and other memories from other girls as well). I don't have (and never had) any feelings for the FWB - in fact, she ended up becoming just F, no WB. To make it clear: I no longer feel attracted to her. Thanks for your replies and opinions. It's always great to read other point of views because it clears my head. My ex is more important than this book is, and if it makes her uncomfortable, I'll get rid of it. Edited October 2, 2016 by juniorrocha 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Seriously? It's like a serial killer collecting items from his victims so he can relive the moment when he pulls them out. This was perfect! C'mon man you know you can't keep this FWB as a friends around your g/f. This was your fck buddy, she was developing feelings for you. Think about if it the roles were reversed. Your current g/f is thinking "sure the moment we have issues he will turn to his "friend/fck buddy for comfort." You'd think the same if she kept a FWB as a friend. Keep the book if you must but get rid of that friendship. Nothing good can come of that for anyone involved. Put your foot down and don't respect what the FWB wants, tell her point blank "I'm sorry but I am seriously involved now and I don't think it's a good idea to be in contact" end of story. 1
DM_Anna Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 But I do understand where you guys are coming from and I'm getting rid of the book (and other memories from other girls as well). I don't have (and never had) any feelings for the FWB - in fact, she ended up becoming just F, no WB. To make it clear: I no longer feel attracted to her. I think you are honestly doing the right thing. Instead of throwing it why don't you put it somewhere safe 'out of harm's way' ? 2
Author juniorrocha Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 I think you are honestly doing the right thing. Instead of throwing it why don't you put it somewhere safe 'out of harm's way' ? Because if I do it, she may end up finding it eventually. And I don't want her to think that I just "hid it better". Me and the ex-FWB rarely talk nowadays anyway, and I want things to work with her so I'll just throw it away. 2
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