Blocked ex on Facebook and feel terrible

[bubbl]

I'm sorry- I know this question has been asked 100 times on here, but just a quick poll- would you block your ex on facebook?

 

I wanted to block him, or unfriend him, but he said we could be friends after some time (we are both still hurting- although he ended things). I am still extremely hurt by it and do occasionally check his page (today, for instance). I saw him with another girl in his photos and he'd recently added her as a friend. I guess perhaps they're going out- i don't know. Really trying not to think of it at all. He is looking SO GOOD-LOOKING in the pics- i mean, he was always good looking, but he is even leaner, more toned than before which sucks!! He was always a bit vain though, so i guess he's loving the new attention. I'm not even shallow but it's grating that he looks this good! I've been working on myself though too- I just don't flaunt it.

 

I don't want to unfriend/block as it seems a bit drastic and also as if you're so upset with them that you can't face hearing about them. i'd rather be stronger and just keep him as a friend on there, and just try my best not to check his page. I don't want to give him the impression i'm so broken by this that i can't face being a 'friend' of his on social media (the most non-commital kind of friend lol).

 

What do you reckon? What have you guys done in the past? Really torn on what to do.

[Satu]

From the point of view of whats best for healing, I would block.

 

Lots of little hurts and upsets don't help.

 

 

Here's a poem for you:

 

 

To part now and parting now,

Never to meet again;

To have done for ever; I and thou,

With joy, and so with pain.

 

It is too hard, too hard to meet

If we trust love no more;

Those other meetings were too sweet

That went before.

 

And I would have, now love is over,

An end to all, an end:

I cannot, having been your lover,

Stoop to become your friend.

 

— ARTHUR SYMONS, “After Love.”

 

 

Take care.

[Zahara]

Focusing too much on what the ex thinks rather than investing all that energy in doing whatever it takes to heal and move forward.

 

It's called self-preservation. It's what you do to prioritize your emotional and mental wellbeing.

 

You can talk yourself into believing all those excuses to stay connected over social media but the reality is that you can't be friends, you won't be able to stop yourself from peeking and this isn't going to make you stronger.

 

What makes you stronger is realizing that the only thing that matters now is you. It's empowering. Not how he's going to perceive it, how he's going to react to it, etc. because that is still you placing attention on him, validating him rather than yourself.

[bubbl]

Thanks. I know you are both right, in my head i know you're right.

 

But what if he thinks I hate him? I know - again, i'm thinking about his feelings not mine, but I just don't want him to think badly of me.

 

Also, i guess in a shallow way, a part of me doesn't want him to just forget me so easily- and i'm hoping that he checks my page once in a while too. if i block, he can't see me and he will just move on even more easily.

 

I know i'm probably sounding nuts right now. believe me, i know.

[Zahara]

 

Wow, this sounds exactly like my ex.

 

______________________________________________________________

 

The above was your response in another thread. So, you're concerned about what someone like the above thinks about you? You desire his validation so badly eventhough it seems like he didn't treat you that well?

 

If a person is going to forget you, then you have your answer. You don't sit there and try to remind them of your existence. That in itself should tell you where you stand. He's going to realize and remember your value regardless of your FB page.

 

If you are concerned about how he perceives you at the expense of your own mental and emotional health, then that's your choice.

[bubbl]

Zahara- thanks. Thanks so much.

 

You're right. Plus my ex did this thing where he blamed everything on me. When it was clear as day these were just excuses, as he was falling out of love with me (and more in love with himself & his own interests).

 

This is actually the only ex I haven't blocked, in some silly hope we'd some day be friends.

 

I noticed that it was only after I deactivated for a few days that he added that girl as a friend (although she's been in photos with him weeks ago). Perhaps he felt free now to add her, I don't know. And I shouldn't even cafe. Let him do what he wants. He can wonder abt me, and even if he doesn't, it's fine. I have better people to meet.

[Zahara]

 

You're right. Plus my ex did this thing where he blamed everything on me. When it was clear as day these were just excuses, as he was falling out of love with me (and more in love with himself & his own interests).

 

This is actually the only ex I haven't blocked, in some silly hope we'd some day be friends.

 

I noticed that it was only after I deactivated for a few days that he added that girl as a friend (although she's been in photos with him weeks ago). Perhaps he felt free now to add her, I don't know. And I shouldn't even cafe. Let him do what he wants. He can wonder abt me, and even if he doesn't, it's fine. I have better people to meet.

 

So why would someone like him qualify as a friend unless you define a friend as someone that has treated you less than? Reflect on why you need to be friends because most times dumpees cling to that idea because they're afraid to let go.

[Satu]

I'm rather fiercely in favour of living in the present.

 

Your ex belongs in your past, not in your present.

 

Make your present beautiful.

 

Without him.

 

 

Take care.

[bubbl]

Thanks, Satu and Zahara.

 

Zahara- I think it's becausei was in a new town which I'm hopefully moving back to soon. And he was one of the few people I knew. We did a lot together and just thought maybe we could work as friends.

 

But you're right- he has such a low opinion of me (he thinks I'm v insecure, when honestly, despite my posts, I'm not). I have tried to show him how positive and confident I am (not for his sake, but mine) but this early perception of me never shifts from his mind.

 

I think I just wanted a friend to do things with, explore the place etc, but I should find actual friends for that.

 

Tbh, it probably is me clinging for hope. And when he eventually tells me he's seeing someone else, I'll be crushed.

[DarrenB]

Block them from Facebook, block them from life, block them from sight. It's all the same. Affiliating with an ex? ever? even on social media? I think not. What a waste of electricity.

[aloneinaz]

I get it, I really do. Defriending or blocking an ex on social media has a finality to it. It's the final realization that this person is now firmly in the past.

 

The reality is, it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Blocking them cuts your ability to stalk their pages. I know it's hard but, you don't need to worry about this person is doing anymore. Why give the time and energy to someone who kicked you out of their life.

 

As someone else stated, spend that energy in processing it, healing and moving on to someone new when you're ready.

[DarrenB]

I get it, I really do. Defriending or blocking an ex on social media has a finality to it. It's the final realization that this person is now firmly in the past.

 

The reality is, it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Blocking them cuts your ability to stalk their pages. I know it's hard but, you don't need to worry about this person is doing anymore. Why give the time and energy to someone who kicked you out of their life.

 

As someone else stated, spend that energy in processing it, healing and moving on to someone new when you're ready.

 

Prime example of a harsh reality conducted by social media/networking.

 

True words Alone

[Helium78]

I did a whole lots of things on Facebook with my ex. I blocked him at first, but then my curiosity won and I unblocked him - he posts everything publicly. He also got a new girlfriend 6 weeks after the end of our 16 year marriage, so I couldn't help myself.

 

I recognised how destructive this was to my healing, especially as he insisted on posting photos of himself and the new girlfriend, including ones of her half naked, in bed... her being 10 years younger than me, hasn't had children, this of course made me hate myself even more.

 

In the end, I asked him to block me. It took it out of my control. It took some convincing, some harsh words and some pleading for him to do it, but he did and it helped me massively.

[Silver_star]

Biggest regret is not Defriending/Deleting them off social media sooner after the break up.

Move on with dignity.

[Trinity_84]

I blocked my ex the minute I realized the relationship was over and went NC for about 1 month. Then went I felt like the initial hurt had subsided, I unblocked.

 

Part of me did it because he had asked me not to (he wanted to stay in touch), but another bigger part of me did it because I didn't want to have any contact with him whatsoever, I wanted to move on, I didn't want him to know anything about my new life or to know anything about his.

 

It has worked well so far all in all, I must admit. Ultimately it's something to do with self-preservation. Did he think I was immature or bitter when I blocked him? Did he feel sad that we weren't friends on FB anymore? Did he not even notice?

 

None of that mattered at the end of the day, he was out of my life the moment he said he didn't love me anymore and that was that.

[Redhead14]

I'm sorry- I know this question has been asked 100 times on here, but just a quick poll- would you block your ex on facebook?

 

I wanted to block him, or unfriend him, but he said we could be friends after some time (we are both still hurting- although he ended things). I am still extremely hurt by it and do occasionally check his page (today, for instance). I saw him with another girl in his photos and he'd recently added her as a friend. I guess perhaps they're going out- i don't know. Really trying not to think of it at all. He is looking SO GOOD-LOOKING in the pics- i mean, he was always good looking, but he is even leaner, more toned than before which sucks!! He was always a bit vain though, so i guess he's loving the new attention. I'm not even shallow but it's grating that he looks this good! I've been working on myself though too- I just don't flaunt it.

 

I don't want to unfriend/block as it seems a bit drastic and also as if you're so upset with them that you can't face hearing about them. i'd rather be stronger and just keep him as a friend on there, and just try my best not to check his page. I don't want to give him the impression i'm so broken by this that i can't face being a 'friend' of his on social media (the most non-commital kind of friend lol).

 

What do you reckon? What have you guys done in the past? Really torn on what to do.

 

You block him on everything so that you aren't triggered over and over again by being reminded. You do that for YOU . . . Period.

 

I don't want to give him the impression i'm so broken by this that i can't face being a 'friend' of his on social media -- If you do things based on social media environment instead of focusing on YOU and your needs, you're not living an authentic life . . .

 

And, so what if he thinks you are hurting? Do you think that is a mystery to him? Break ups are hard. I seriously doubt that this guy isn't or didn't feel some pain and anxiety over the breakup. Just because he's seeing other girls, doesn't mean he's completely over it, it just means he's trying to push through it and start over or he's just lying to himself or, or, or . . . it simply doesn't matter what he's doing or thinking.

[Bialy]

You have been given a lot of solid advice from folks who have been there and lived through it, Bubbl!

[bubbl]

So, following people's really wise advice on this site, I finally took the plunge and blocked my ex on Facebook. I know in my head that this was the right thing to do- as I would check his page and then feel sad every time he added a new female friend (yes, sounds insane), or saw him seemingly having a great time.

 

However, I feel terrible about blocking him. I feel so guilty for some reason and like I've made some awful mistake (i keep thinking he'll think I hate him, when this is not the case AT ALL).

 

I really hope I won't feel this crappy, tomorrow.

[bubbl]

Also, a part of me wants to send him a quick email just telling him why I had to block him (for my own self-growth), rather than it being some passive-aggressive dig at him.

 

I know this is probably a bad idea, but there was a tiny bit of contact over some practical issues, and he was actually really nice. However, he ended it and has so far not said, "i want to get back together" and so it's clear he doesn't want me back, romantically.

[cucumber95]

My advice is not send email, it is what is, think about yourself, you need to move on and heal. He won't hate you if he truly loved you, he will understand that.

[Blanco]

I wouldn't send an email because it'll only extend or add on to your angst. If he responds, you'll feel tempted to respond. If he doesn't, then you'll start thinking he doesn't even care enough about you to throw a response your way.

[bubbl]

Thanks.

 

Not sure I've made the right decision blocking him as actually feel worse now. Does it get better?

[Blanco]

Thanks.

 

Not sure I've made the right decision blocking him as actually feel worse now. Does it get better?

 

Sure does. Blocking all forms of online contact was the smartest thing I did for myself post-breakup.

[Bialy]

Things will feel better. You don't need to send an explaining why you blocked him - he's your ex. You two aren't together. You don't need to explain yourself to him. He's not your dad.

 

More to the point, as someone else said, if this was an amicable breakup, he'll understand your need to block him. It sounds like he has moved on, by the sound of it.

[aloneinaz]

I blocked MY EX on FB.

 

See the bolded area? That's all you need to understand. He's your EX. You shouldn't care what HE thinks. He's not in your life anymore. His opinions of you and your actions shouldn't matter whatsoever.

 

Understand that MANY folks who are the dumper or are the dumpee NEVER have any aspirations to ever speak to their now ex again. The relationship ended and the wise ones know if should never start again.

 

Blocking the ex on all social media, your phone and computer is the smartest thing anyone fresh out of a relationship does. It allows them to come to acceptance that it's over and finished. Is it painful and does it hurt? Absolutely. But, as the days and weeks pass, you realize how effective it is to move forward with your life.