Did I mess up with this guy?

[josi334]

Hello Everyone

I've reading a lot here and trying to learn through the threads and advises about relationships as I've failed many attempts in my life.

 

So the situation that I would like some insights is: I met a guy via tinder this week, after exchanged a few messages he asked me to meet. So we met yesterday for drinks at a bar/restaurant. We had really nice conversation as we have a lot in common and like similar things (soccer/kabobs).

We laughed and had fun! We stayed at the restaurant for about 3 and half hours then he asked if I want to take a walk and I said yes. We walked around for a bit and then he offered to give a ride to my car. I said I didnt need but it was raining and he insisted, so I said ok.

Then when we got near my car and we were talking a little more and he came and kissed me. I was not expecting that at all but I liked. I confess that I try not to kiss in the first date but since I liked him I let it be. He said really nice things like " we are beautiful inside and out" and said several times I was beautiful and that he liked me. He seemed genuine but then he asked to go to his house and I said no but I kept staying at the and making out with him. He kept trying to convince me and said he would respect me and that we would not need to do anything ( bla bla) but I kept saying no and giving my explanation that he would try and I would not want to keep pushing him away (I know I should have left after he asked me the first time to go to his place but I kept staying and keeping making out in his car.

 

I got carried on as I haven't been with someone for a while that I felt desired me but today I am not very proud of it ( although he was very sweet with me but could not keep his hands off my boobs(ugh but I gave up after he tried few times).

 

So we had talked before in meeting tomorrow to play tennis and he kept bringing that up while we were in his car. So, at one point I said I am leaving and then he grabbed his umbrella and walked me to my car, we kissed and said bye.

 

We exchanged numbers before but I have not got a text after from him since I left around 2am this morning. So I am not sure that will hear from him again, but if I do should try to go out with him again? I would like to see him again and see where things go with him but I do not get physical, have sex, to soon with him. I would like to get to know him more. How should handle this if I hear from him again? Any insights would be appreciated!

 

Thanks in advance:)

Edited October 1, 2016 by josi334
Sorry for the typos. I think faster than I write and English is not my first language!

[josi334]

Forgot to mention that I got his name wrong ( instead of Javad I said Arash (which was the name of another guy I was talking, I know it sucks but I am terrible with names specially when they hard to remember like his) and then later when we were in his car I said "sorry for getting your name wrong today" but he didn't say anything!

 

Actually just got a text from him saying " Hi, I had a great time last night! Thanks for coming!

[preraph]

I think it's way too soon to worry about that you haven't heard from him, but if you're worried about tennis, ask him if you are still on for tennis.

[spiderowl]

I'm more concerned that you got into a strange guy's car than if he'll meet you again. It's not safe to do that. Please think carefully in future and don't just immediately trust people. Once in a car, you could be driven off and never seen again.

 

It's clear this guy was interested in going as far as he could with you physically. While that may be a natural instinct, maybe wait and see what kind of person he is, how he treats you generally, not just when he wants sex. Spend time with him where there are other people. See how he treats people in cafes, see how behaves with you when isn't on the verge of getting sex.

 

If he contacts you again, you know how to keep yourself safe. If he doesn't, well he's not worth the worry. There will be other guys. You are beautiful. Hopefully, you will find someone who appreciates you as a person too, not just a body.

[Gaeta]

Once, after a nice date, the man offered me a ride to the metro station because it was raining. It was day light, Saturday morning 11h am. I thought nothing of it.

 

Wrong.

 

He kept me in his car against my will and drove for almost an hour and he would not let me get out. He dropped me 40km across the city. I had the scare of my life.

 

Don't do that again.

 

As for your guy he a schmuck. You are beautiful in and out??? what a load of crap. Typical of players. Then right after he tried to convince you to go to his place. He is only interested in getting laid c'mon!!

 

This man isn't the gentleman you are hoping for. I assure you he does that with everyone of his date.

 

Do yourself a favor and pass.

[Springsummer]

He seemed genuine but then he asked to go to his house and I said no but I kept staying at the and making out with him. He kept trying to convince me and said he would respect me and that we would not need to do anything ( bla bla) but I kept saying no and giving my explanation that he would try and I would not want to keep pushing him away (I know I should have left after he asked me the first time to go to his place but I kept staying and keeping making out in his car.

 

I think this should tell you that this guy is not a good person. I am glad you stick with your gun. otherwise, who know what will happen in his place.

 

Run far away from this person. In my book, a decent guy would never ask a girl he just met to go to his place at night.

[bubbaganoosh]

I'm a guy and I have to tell you that he seems real pushy and might not understand the word "NO". If he doesn't, then your going to be in a heap of trouble.

 

I think you should move on from this guy. There's better out there.

[Arieswoman]

josi334,

 

I confess that I try not to kiss in the first date but since I liked him I let it be

 

(I know I should have left after he asked me the first time to go to his place but I kept staying and keeping making out in his car.

 

( although he was very sweet with me but could not keep his hands off my boobs(ugh but I gave up after he tried few times).

 

^^^ so you let him bust your boundaries and stayed in a car with a guy who couldn't take "no" for an answer? No, no, no!

 

I doubt if you'll hear from him again, as he was obviously only interested in getting sex

 

In future if a guy won't take "No" for an answer you walk.

[josi334]

Hello everyone!

I met this guy (46yo divorced 3 years ago, no kids) a month ago on tinder. I am 39 yo. We exchanged few messages there and then he asked to meet. He suggested a place near me for lunch on a sunday. We had a great time. We had a nice conversation. He was a gentleman paying and walking me to my car.

 

After that he kept texting and calling me. We talked on the phone at least twice, three times a week for about 2-3 hours. We had 3 dates.

 

The second one after we met, he took me to a day time event (renaissance fair) and dinner afterwards. He picked me up and we spent about 11 hours that day. When he dropped me off we kissed.

 

He then texted/called me the next day but we could not talk. I was with friends and then it got late, so we talked next day.

 

He then asked me to meet last thursday as he was going on Friday to visit his family in Atlanta for the for the weekend til this wednesday.

 

So I agreed in meeting him Thursday for dinner. He then picked a nice place near me and picked me up. We met for about 3 hours ( we closed the restaurant). So when he was dropping me off, we were kissing in the car. I had drunk two glasses of wine, which made tipsy so I kind got carried on. I said few things that might have not sounded good. He said he would love to take me home that night and said I would love that but on a saturday.

 

Anyway, he left and texted me next day saying "he had a great time last night. He was leaving later to his trip but it was totally worth it and said he would call me over the weekend"

I then replied and said I was looking forward to hear from him over the weekend.

 

So texted me sunday mid day saying " he was thinking about me and asking if I would be around that night for him to call me. I replied saying "glad to hear from you and yes, I should be around after 9".

 

He then texted around 9ish saying "Hi. I am still hanging out with my mom. Her friend died today and we are talking about it. Can we talk tomorrow? and apologized for it.

I replied " yes, of course. Sorry to hear about your moms friend".

 

But I have heard from him anymore since Sunday night. He was suppose to have called me yersterday but I had no words from him, so I so bummed.

 

 

A perspective from the guys here, do you think he is ghosting? What should I do if he reaches out?

 

I honestly feel it is lost cause:(

[mavendark]

It's been two days... honestly he could just be really busy with his mom. Did he get back from his trip yet? Give it a week, and check in on him, ask how he's doing and how his mom's doing. And if he doesn't message you back or continue the conversation, it's a lost cause.

[josi334]

yes, he was supposed to have called me last night ( he asked to call me) but no words since Sunday night. He was being consistent til Sunday that is why I am finding weird that he didn't call and didn't reach out again.

 

I might do that but I am having a bad gut feeling about it.

 

It just sucks!

 

Thanks though for your insights!

[josi334]

No, he is suppose to come back on Wednesday.

[josi334]

Hello everyone!

I met this guy (46yo divorced 3 years ago, no kids) a month ago on tinder. I am 39 yo. We exchanged few messages there and then he asked to meet. He suggested a place near me for lunch on a sunday. We had a great time. We had a nice conversation. He was a gentleman paying and walking me to my car.

 

After that he kept texting and calling me. We talked on the phone at least twice, three times a week for about 2-3 hours. We had 3 dates.

 

The second one after we met, he took me to a day time event (renaissance fair) and dinner afterwards. He picked me up and we spent about 11 hours that day. When he dropped me off we kissed.

 

He then texted/called me the next day but we could not talk. I was with friends and then it got late, so we talked next day.

 

He then asked me to meet last thursday as he was going on Friday to visit his family in Atlanta for the for the weekend til this wednesday.

 

So I agreed in meeting him Thursday for dinner. He then picked a nice place near me and picked me up. We met for about 3 hours ( we closed the restaurant). So when he was dropping me off, we were kissing in the car. I had drunk two glasses of wine, which made tipsy so I kind got carried on. I said few things that might have not sounded good. He said he would love to take me home that night and said I would love that but on a saturday. I made a comment that we could sleep at my place but It would be just sleeping since I was feeling tired and I had to woke up later that ( he said no). I regret have said that the same night, but I not sure if that was not right.

 

Anyway, he left and texted me next day saying "he had a great time last night. He was leaving later for his trip but it was totally worth it and said he would call me over the weekend"

I then replied saying I was looking forward to hear from him over the weekend.

 

So he texted me sunday mid day saying " he was thinking about me and asking if I would be around that night for him to call me. I replied saying "glad to hear from you and yes, I should be around after 9".

 

He then texted around 9ish on Sunday saying "Hi. I am still hanging out with my mom. Her friend died today and we are talking about it. Can we talk tomorrow? and apologized for it.

I replied " yes, of course. Sorry to hear about your moms friend".

 

But I have not heard from him anymore since Sunday night. He was suppose to have called me last night (Monday) but I have not heard from him since then, so I so bummed.

 

D you think he is ghosting? What should I do if he reaches out? Should I reach out or just let it go?

 

I honestly feel it is lost cause:(

[josi334]

Hi All

I have another thread about this situation with this guy but making it short. I met him a month ago through tinder ( he is 46; I am 39). First meeting was a lunch which he came near me and lasted 3 hours. We chatted a lot. He asked for a second date which we went to renaissance fair and he took me to dinner afterwards. It lasted for about 11 hours and we kissed when he dropped me off. In between dates he texted me and we talked over the phone several times for 1-3 hours. He was always the one who initiated. I never did but I was always very receptive. He always said he really enjoyed talking to me!

 

Our last date was last Thursday. He was going to visit his family over the weekend and asked to see me on Thursday. We talked the night before and he said he was dying to see me. So on Thursday he took me to a nice restaurant near me, picked me up and paid for. We kissed/made out a little in the car when he was dropping me off. He said some nice things like: I am glad I found you; at one point he said "you are adorable". I had two glasses of wine that night, and when I drink even that little I get a little more emotional and said some silly things like: if you ghost on me at least let me know why you are ghosting (I know, very stupid to say:(). I also said, why are you single you are such a gentleman, but I don't to boost your ego too much ( cant believe I said that).

 

Also, he said he wanted to take me home and I said "I would love too but not tonight, but on a saturday night because I had to sleep and I had to get up early on Friday" but then I said" you can sleep at my place but it will be only sleeping because I am tired" (not sure why I even said that bc I didnt sleep with him yet) . But he said no, and I am glad he did.

 

 

Anyway, he left and next day texted that he was leaving an hour later to his trip but it was totally worth it because he had had a great time with me the night before and told he would call me over the weekend.

 

I replied and said the same and said I would be looking forward for his call.

 

He then texted me on sunday mid day saying he was thinking about me and asking if I would be around that night to call me. I replied and said yes, I would and that I was glad to hear from him.

 

He then texted me sunday night around 9:30 saying he was still hanging out with his mom, and that her friend had died that day and they were talking about it and asked if we could talk next day ( Monday) and apologized for it.

 

I said" yes, of course. I am sorry to hear about your moms friend"

 

But since that text on Sunday night I have not heard from him:(.

 

I am thinking he is ghosting on me and I am confused why he showed interest and said all those things on the last date and now he seems to be ghosting?

 

I am thinking to send him a text tomorrow or thursday night ( that is when he is back) saying hope all is well and that he had a nice time with his family and saying that I am confused on why he has not reached out since he told me he had a great time on our last date.

 

Do you think it is ok for me to ask that?

 

Just feeling at a loss to let if go without him saying me something!

 

Anyway, thanks in advance for any suggestions on how I should handle this situation!

[Redhead14]

Hi All

I have another thread about this situation with this guy but making it short. I met him a month ago through tinder ( he is 46; I am 39). First meeting was a lunch which he came near me and lasted 3 hours. We chatted a lot. He asked for a second date which we went to renaissance fair and he took me to dinner afterwards. It lasted for about 11 hours and we kissed when he dropped me off. In between dates he texted me and we talked over the phone several times for 1-3 hours. He was always the one who initiated. I never did but I was always very receptive. He always said he really enjoyed talking to me!

 

Our last date was last Thursday. He was going to visit his family over the weekend and asked to see me on Thursday. We talked the night before and he said he was dying to see me. So on Thursday he took me to a nice restaurant near me, picked me up and paid for. We kissed/made out a little in the car when he was dropping me off. He said some nice things like: I am glad I found you; at one point he said "you are adorable". I had two glasses of wine that night, and when I drink even that little I get a little more emotional and said some silly things like: if you ghost on me at least let me know why you are ghosting (I know, very stupid to say:(). I also said, why are you single you are such a gentleman, but I don't to boost your ego too much ( cant believe I said that).

 

Also, he said he wanted to take me home and I said "I would love too but not tonight, but on a saturday night because I had to sleep and I had to get up early on Friday" but then I said" you can sleep at my place but it will be only sleeping because I am tired" (not sure why I even said that bc I didnt sleep with him yet) . But he said no, and I am glad he did.

 

 

Anyway, he left and next day texted that he was leaving an hour later to his trip but it was totally worth it because he had had a great time with me the night before and told he would call me over the weekend.

 

I replied and said the same and said I would be looking forward for his call.

 

He then texted me on sunday mid day saying he was thinking about me and asking if I would be around that night to call me. I replied and said yes, I would and that I was glad to hear from him.

 

He then texted me sunday night around 9:30 saying he was still hanging out with his mom, and that her friend had died that day and they were talking about it and asked if we could talk next day ( Monday) and apologized for it.

 

I said" yes, of course. I am sorry to hear about your moms friend"

 

But since that text on Sunday night I have not heard from him:(.

 

I am thinking he is ghosting on me and I am confused why he showed interest and said all those things on the last date and now he seems to be ghosting?

 

I am thinking to send him a text tomorrow or thursday night ( that is when he is back) saying hope all is well and that he had a nice time with his family and saying that I am confused on why he has not reached out since he told me he had a great time on our last date.

 

Do you think it is ok for me to ask that?

 

Just feeling at a loss to let if go without him saying me something!

 

Anyway, thanks in advance for any suggestions on how I should handle this situation!

 

You leave the ball in his court. If you think he's ghosting, you let him disappear. Sit back and observe. You know he's got some things going on with him Mom and he's supporting her. Let him tend to what needs to be done and see what happens. Don't chase a guy especially when you know there's a problem he's dealing with. If you don't believe that he was supporting his Mom, so be it. Let him show you what's what. It's only been a couple of days.

 

and saying that I am confused on why he has not reached out since he told me he had a great time on our last date. -- Don't say anything like that. You already said some clingy/needy things to him ("and said some silly things like: if you ghost on me at least let me know why you are ghosting (I know, very stupid to say:()" and if he is ghosting, it's probably because you put that idea in his head. Neediness and clinginess are not traits that men appreciate. It's pressuring.

[Toodaloo]

Although you are receptive you are not initiating... I think he is thinking to leave you be because you are not all that keen.

 

I think you need to organise something for him. A fun date that he would enjoy and pay for it yourself... Its about the time that you need to step up and start taking a bit of action.

 

If he still ghosts then let him.

 

Do not mention any of that again and quit gabbling. Because you are gabbling a lot. Saying you can stay at mine but it will just be sleep is a bit like saying I am drunk so I will end up throwing my knickers at you... What is far more attractive is to tell him to get his backside back to yours because you want to throw your knickers at him rather than play the silly game...

 

You are an adult now. Own your actions.

[josi334]

Thank you ladies!

 

I did tell him last time we met that I would like to cook for him sometime, which I really meant. I was planning in doing next time he asked me for dinner or on the next saturday that we would see each other.

 

Also, I brought that I had a Halloween party to go this coming saturday and asked if he wanted to come but he said every year he and his friends have a traditional gathering on halloween and he had to see with his friend about it first.

 

I don't how to proceed now but I am just letting him be now. I'll probably not reach out but the more the time passes the less feel connected to him anyway.

[PinkPampies]

Stop overthinking everything... That leads nowhere. Dating should be fun. The more overthinking and analyzing you do, the less fun it is. Only time will tell if you guys are on the same page and compatible.

 

Meantime, date other people and keep busy. Keep your options open. If it doesn't work out with him, then next.