phineas Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 I agree.. but first we need to know what you want. Then it's up to us to accept or reject. If she is into you she will accept AND gain a hell of a lot of respect for you too. If she hems and haws, or says she is confused, then go no contact, leave her alone and let her come to you. But I have found when men are straight like that, suddenly my *confusion* disappears and I know exactly what and who I want. And it's not my ex! I make it clear what I want and I will walk away if I don't get it. so yup. And i'm not being some a-hole mentioning sex or anything like that. I don't have to. women KNOW what they need to do to get & keep a man's attention. If they want to continue getting mine, they do it. easy peasy. 1
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 (edited) I make it clear what I want and I will walk away if I don't get it. so yup. And i'm not being some a-hole mentioning sex or anything like that. I don't have to. women KNOW what they need to do to get & keep a man's attention. If they want to continue getting mine, they do it. easy peasy. You my kind of man phineas.... No games, no BS, just tells it straight! Very rare especially these days... from what I have experienced lately anyway. Edited October 2, 2016 by katiegrl
phineas Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 You my kind of man phineas.... No games, no BS, just tells it straight! Very rare especially these days... from what I have experienced lately anyway. Thanks! But while my method keeps my sanity, it also has me posting on LS on a sat night. 2
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Thanks! But while my method keeps my sanity, it also has me posting on LS on a sat night. Awww... does phineas need a hug? lol. Seriously though, nothing wrong with choosing "quality" over "quantity." Another admirable trait imo.
Space Ritual Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Jimmy, 2 months is not a lot of time so do not be surprised if after this weekend that she tells you she wants to work it out with her ex. It may sound odd to you, but the fact she is still in contact with him and not blocked means she is still leaving some part of the door open to him. So I would not hold my breath that you are anything other than a short term rebound for her. She is giving you a heads up that you should probably look for someone else to date. Go out and have some fun. No reason to sit at home thinking about it. 1
lolablue17 Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 (edited) You my kind of man phineas.... No games, no BS, just tells it straight! Very rare especially these days... from what I have experienced lately anyway. It's funny, you know... I don't know even one person in the world who doesn't say "I hate games, I hate BS", yet so many continue playing games constantly. For example, your advice... You say "No games, No BS". On the other hand you advice him to give her space. (let's remember that before the space they used to meet only once a week, so a space is what? once in a month?) He's starting to have feelings for her, and he is extremely disappointed they didn't meet this week. He doesn't like this "space". The immediate translation of "No games, no BS" is to be honest, telling her exactly what's on his mind. But you, even though you say "No games no BS" advice him to not being honest, but to hide what's on his mind. In my dictionary not being honest is "Playing games full turbo, full of BS". OP, give her space. Leave her alone. Let her come to you... \... Let her miss you! You also advice him to let her come to him... It's a game. You advice him to be the opposite of natural. But all he wants is to hug her and kiss her, not to hold back. so "letting her come to him" is a pure manipulation. Don't you see the contradiction between your own posts? He can respect her, and still to tell her honestly how he feels. A relationship is not a one sided thing. If it was me, I could give her 2-3 days to wonder about her ex, and if she wanted more time, she could have lost me. And after that "wondering time", I would have expected her to increase some volume and intensity. That's how a guy who value himself might want to do. If I don't see passion, desire, urge and craving on her side, and if she wants too much space, it's a huge red flag warning "beware! games games games". Edited October 2, 2016 by lolablue17
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 (edited) lola, please read my post 25. In response to phineas. My opinion is before he pulls back, he should strongly and assertively tell her what he wants, ask what she wants, and if she still remains confused, etc, then walk away... and give her space. Leave her alone, do not chase. Do not push, let her come to him. If she never does, then so be it. Move on. How is that a game? Imo, it's smart! And strong! I don't see that as game. Game is manipulation and a bit of deception... and DISHONEST. I do agree everyone is prone to playing though, including myself! It is hard not to in today's dating environment. But I am trying to get away from that which is why I agreed with phineas' approach. Edited October 2, 2016 by katiegrl 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Met this girl 4 weeks ago when I was out drinking, we got talking and I ended up spending the night. We didn't have sex or anything and she asked me if id take her out to which I agreed. She's the first girl I've had any interest in since my ex over two years ago, the first girl I've actually saw myself possibly seeing long time I really like her. We've seen each other about 5 times in 4 weeks as we live about an hour apart and I work full time so only get two days off a week. She really likes me too, her friend drunkly told me last week that she's really into me. We've done everything but have sex and she's told me she wants to wait as sex has to mean something to her and I liked that about her. Every time I go see her I stay over and we have a great time. The issue is that when I met her she was only 2 months out of a 3 year relationship, her ex lives in another country and she broke up with him. She seemed a little "off" the other day and told me she'd have a rough couple of days. I asked why and she said it was inappropriate to say but I kinda had an idea, she told me he had texted her asking to try again and she said she didn't want to and she is seeing someone. He then called her every word you can imagine, s**t etc etc. We were due to see each other tomorrow and she asked if we could go out but I sleep at one of my friends instead (I can't get the train back after a certain time). She said she's feeling emotional at the minute and feels we're going too fast. I told her it's fine, we'll give it a miss this week and I'll let her have some space. She has since continued texting me just changed the subject after that. Now I know that this is obviously related to her ex getting in touch, I'm well aware that 2 months is a short time and I've kept this in mind while dating. I guess my question is how should I proceed? My plan was to limit contact and just play it cool, give her some time to think it over and if she's likes me she'll make it known to me. What do you guys think I should do? I really like this girl and I'm hoping if I give her space she'll have time to clear her head without me nagging etc. The fact that this was all an alcohol induced situation, it doesn't sound good across the board.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 I went to see her yesterday, I was in the same city seeing my best friend and she asked if she could see me so we spent a couple of hours together and everything was fine. I've decided I'm not going to ask her to block her ex as I don't feel dating someone for 4 weeks and giving an ultimatum will really go down well. Should it happen again and he gives her any verbal abuse or whatever I will obviously change my mind and talk about it. She's asked me if I'll see her again on Thursday so she's still as eager as ever...see how it goes.
katiegrl Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) I went to see her yesterday, I was in the same city seeing my best friend and she asked if she could see me so we spent a couple of hours together and everything was fine. I've decided I'm not going to ask her to block her ex as I don't feel dating someone for 4 weeks and giving an ultimatum will really go down well. Should it happen again and he gives her any verbal abuse or whatever I will obviously change my mind and talk about it. She's asked me if I'll see her again on Thursday so she's still as eager as ever...see how it goes. So you've been dating four weeks, are you exclusive? If not, do you want to be? Sounds like you are really into her! If you want to be exclusive, tell her. I realize the opinions vary on this, some guys believe the man should never bring it up. I don't agree. If you want something, go for it! Same holds true for her. But someone has to be the first to mention it. If you are both too afraid to get it out in open, you'll never get anywhere! And jmo but this "taking it slow" **** is BS. When you are really into someone, there is no such thing as "taking it slow." That's a ruse to disguise how you really feel..... "I'm just not that into you." Sexually and otherwise! Edited October 3, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 So you've been dating four weeks, are you exclusive? If not, do you want to be? Sounds like you are really into her! If you want to be exclusive, tell her. I realize the opinions vary on this, some guys believe the man should never bring it up. I don't agree. If you want something, go for it! Same holds true for her. But someone has to be the first to mention it. If you are both too afraid to get it out in open, you'll never get anywhere! I'd like to be exclusive yes but further down the road, like I said earlier she's 2/3 months out of a relationship so my intention was always to keep it casual and fun at the start. We've not had sex yet, she said she's not 'emotionally ready', done everything else mind. I'd probably wait until that was out the way and its been a few more weeks before I brought up any exclusivity, I don't expect her to be 100% over her ex after 2/3 months so I feel keeping it fun and light is probably best for now?
katiegrl Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) I'd like to be exclusive yes but further down the road, like I said earlier she's 2/3 months out of a relationship so my intention was always to keep it casual and fun at the start. We've not had sex yet, she said she's not 'emotionally ready', done everything else mind. I'd probably wait until that was out the way and its been a few more weeks before I brought up any exclusivity, I don't expect her to be 100% over her ex after 2/3 months so I feel keeping it fun and light is probably best for now? Why are you walking on eggshells with her? Tip toeing around her, afraid to tell her what you want? That is the fastest way to lose respect AND interest from a woman. I am a woman, I know this. I edited my above post re "taking it slow." Or in her case, "not emotionally ready." No such thing as "taking it slow." Or "emotionally not ready." What it really means is "I am not that into you." Sexually or otherwise. If she needs to "go slow, and/or is not "emotionally ready," or is not 100% over her ex... she has NO business dating in the first place. Nor should YOU be dating her. Do as you wish, but I don't see this ending well for you. Sorry. Edited October 3, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 Why are you walking on eggshells with her? Tip toeing around her, afraid to tell her what you want? That is the fastest way to lose respect AND interest from a woman. I am a woman, I know this. I edited my above post re "taking it slow." Or in her case, "not emotionally ready." No such thing as "taking it slow." Or "emotionally not ready." What it really means is "I am not that into you." Sexually or otherwise. If she needs to "go slow, and/or is not "emotionally ready," or is not 100% over her ex... she has NO business dating in the first place. Nor should YOU be dating her. Do as you wish, but I don't see this ending well for you. Sorry. I'm not walking on egg shells with her, I just don't expect someone to want to be exclusive after a month and 5/6 dates, I feel we'd need to get to know each other more first. Plus, this is the first girl I've liked since my ex two years ago, I don't want to mess it up. I'm gonna give it a couple of weeks see how it goes, if she's still not ready I might just ask her if she ever will be or whatever. Her actions indicate that she is very much into me!
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