4 weeks in, she says we're moving too fast.

October 1, 2016

Met this girl 4 weeks ago when I was out drinking, we got talking and I ended up spending the night. We didn't have sex or anything and she asked me if id take her out to which I agreed. She's the first girl I've had any interest in since my ex over two years ago, the first girl I've actually saw myself possibly seeing long time I really like her.

We've seen each other about 5 times in 4 weeks as we live about an hour apart and I work full time so only get two days off a week. She really likes me too, her friend drunkly told me last week that she's really into me. We've done everything but have sex and she's told me she wants to wait as sex has to mean something to her and I liked that about her. Every time I go see her I stay over and we have a great time.

The issue is that when I met her she was only 2 months out of a 3 year relationship, her ex lives in another country and she broke up with him. She seemed a little "off" the other day and told me she'd have a rough couple of days. I asked why and she said it was inappropriate to say but I kinda had an idea, she told me he had texted her asking to try again and she said she didn't want to and she is seeing someone. He then called her every word you can imagine, s**t etc etc.

We were due to see each other tomorrow and she asked if we could go out but I sleep at one of my friends instead (I can't get the train back after a certain time). She said she's feeling emotional at the minute and feels we're going too fast. I told her it's fine, we'll give it a miss this week and I'll let her have some space. She has since continued texting me just changed the subject after that.

Now I know that this is obviously related to her ex getting in touch, I'm well aware that 2 months is a short time and I've kept this in mind while dating.

I guess my question is how should I proceed? My plan was to limit contact and just play it cool, give her some time to think it over and if she's likes me she'll make it known to me. What do you guys think I should do? I really like this girl and I'm hoping if I give her space she'll have time to clear her head without me nagging etc.

Edited October 1, 2016 by Jimmyjackson

October 1, 2016

Plain and simple she's not ready to be in a serious relationship. If she was she would have slept with you by now. Sorry to be the barer of bad news, but this isn't going to work. There is no way she is going to be over this anytime soon.

I suggest you part ways, and date other women. I know that isn't what you want to hear, it's just from what I see you will be frustrated, and wasting your time. She is just going to use you as her emotional tam&0%.

October 1, 2016

I also don't think she is really ready, but I don't see any harm in your plan. Give her some space, treat her with kindness and respect, and if it's meant to be, it will be... Just be cautious and don't get over invested in the relationship.

PS) lots of women would want to wait to get to know someone before having sex. One month and five dates is really not a long time... I don't think that is a red flag for you at all. I would be more concerned about the fact that her past relationship was not good and she is still struggling to come to terms with it.

October 1, 2016

Man, I can relate, but I was a total moron in the decisions I made.

I was with an ex who was in a relationship with a guy who was not good for her. A total jackwagon and miserable humanbeing. She had a co-dependent relationship. Anyway, her ex would sent all kinds of abusive texts, etc. and she would brush it off in that she didn't think it important. She informed him that she was in a new relationship too. Anyway, long story short, it turns out that if she's still communicating with him and has not blocked him or changed her number, or whatever, she is still emotionally attached. I guarantee you that she's still emotionally attached to him.

BTW, I broke up with her. Didn't regret a thing about doing that.

October 1, 2016

I also don't think she is really ready, but I don't see any harm in your plan. Give her some space, treat her with kindness and respect, and if it's meant to be, it will be... Just be cautious and don't get over invested in the relationship.

PS) lots of women would want to wait to get to know someone before having sex. One month and five dates is really not a long time... I don't think that is a red flag for you at all. I would be more concerned about the fact that her past relationship was not good and she is still struggling to come to terms with it.

My whole intentions in the first place was to just take it slow anyway, I get that she's still newly single so I thought keeping it light and playful for a few months would be best.

And yes I agree, my ex and I waited 6 weeks...I don't think not having sex after 5 dates is the worst thing in the world. But yes she still is effected by what he says which worries me.

October 1, 2016

Man, I can relate, but I was a total moron in the decisions I made.

I was with an ex who was in a relationship with a guy who was not good for her. A total jackwagon and miserable humanbeing. She had a co-dependent relationship. Anyway, her ex would sent all kinds of abusive texts, etc. and she would brush it off in that she didn't think it important. She informed him that she was in a new relationship too. Anyway, long story short, it turns out that if she's still communicating with him and has not blocked him or changed her number, or whatever, she is still emotionally attached. I guarantee you that she's still emotionally attached to him.

BTW, I broke up with her. Didn't regret a thing about doing that.

I agree she is probably still emotionally attached it's only been two months, I just want advice on what I can do in this situation? I really like her so I'd like to try and make it work.

October 1, 2016

Plain and simple she's not ready to be in a serious relationship. If she was she would have slept with you by now. Sorry to be the barer of bad news, but this isn't going to work. There is no way she is going to be over this anytime soon.

I suggest you part ways, and date other women. I know that isn't what you want to hear, it's just from what I see you will be frustrated, and wasting your time. She is just going to use you as her emotional tam&0%.

I know she's not ready for anything serious, I wouldn't expect her to be either. I went in with the mindset of keeping it light and playful.

I know what you're saying about dating other women but I really like this one, it's taken me two years to find another girl, if this falls on it's back I will begin to lose hope as I rarely find anyone I find interesting (2 people so far).

October 1, 2016

My whole intentions in the first place was to just take it slow anyway, I get that she's still newly single so I thought keeping it light and playful for a few months would be best.

And yes I agree, my ex and I waited 6 weeks...I don't think not having sex after 5 dates is the worst thing in the world. But yes she still is effected by what he says which worries me.

Time for her to start driving to you and or you to start seeing other women who don't live an hr away.

You are getting way to invested and making things way to easy for her.

Not to mention you are letting her call all the shots.

What are you getting out of this?

You spend your gas money and what? Give her a cuddle buddy?

She probably isn't ready for anything but by the time she is, she will have tossed you in the friendzone i believe.

October 1, 2016

I feel the only option I have is to withdraw contact and not speak as much as I have been. Maybe my absence will clear things up a bit?

October 1, 2016

I advice you to do exactly the same as you did before. Don't give her any space, call her when ever you want, text her, and visit her. Why? Because that is the right way to handle a beginning of a relationship. To act natural.

Don't make her calculations. Let her be doing it, and if you feel resentment, it means that you should move on without her. Right now it looks like you're trying to adjust yourself 100% to her. Not good. Be yourself, don't swing like a leaf in the wind. (Some call it - grow balls, be the dominate)

October 1, 2016

Time for her to start driving to you and or you to start seeing other women who don't live an hr away.

You are getting way to invested and making things way to easy for her.
Not to mention you are letting her call all the shots.
What are you getting out of this?
You spend your gas money and what? Give her a cuddle buddy?

She probably isn't ready for anything but by the time she is, she will have tossed you in the friendzone i believe.

The reason I always go to her is because she lives in a city and I a small town, so there's much more to do. Plus if she came to mine I still live at home and I didn't think we were at the meeting parents stage.

I cancelled our date this weekend so I don't think I'm letting her call the shots, this is the first thing that's happened so far.

October 1, 2016

I advice you to do exactly the same as you did before. Don't give her any space, call her when ever you want, text her, and visit her. Why? Because that is the right way to handle a beginning of a relationship. To act natural.

Don't make her calculations. Let her be doing it, and if you feel resentment, it means that you should move on without her. Right now it looks like you're trying to adjust yourself 100% to her. Not good. Be yourself, don't swing like a leaf in the wind. (Some call it - grow balls, be the dominate)

The reason I felt space was needed was because in my last relationship, when my ex started pulling away I made the mistake of seeing her still when I could tell she was seeing me through guilt. This only made things worse and i didn't want to make that mistake again. I kinda 'pushed it' when things were a little up in the air...

Edited October 1, 2016 by Jimmyjackson

October 1, 2016

The reason I felt space was needed was because in my last relationship, when my ex started pulling away I made the mistake of seeing her still when I could tell she was seeing me through guilt. This only made things worse and i didn't want to make that mistake again. I kinda 'pushed it' when things were a little up in the air...

For you, I would advise letting her know that you know that she may still be emotionally connected to her ex and that you are expecting her to end all communication if she wants to continue with you. That is my advice based on my experience. If you want her so badly, you need to dictate to her what your needs are and have her show you that those needs are being met. Do not be played...why is she accepting these verbal attacks??? Block him for peter's sake.

October 1, 2016

The reason I felt space was needed was because in my last relationship, when my ex started pulling away I made the mistake of seeing her still when I could tell she was seeing me through guilt. This only made things worse and i didn't want to make that mistake again. I kinda 'pushed it' when things were a little up in the air...

I think you're doing OK. The space will drag things. When you see her once a week (and now once in two weeks), she has anyway a lot of space. You're afraid to get hurt, but at least you'll know were you stand very quickly.

If I were you, I would call her and say that i miss her, and waiting a whole week to see her is too mach, not to mention 2 weeks. That it cannot go any here with this low frequency. That way, I could tell if she's into me, or just plays with me until she finds something better. I'd would give her the impression that if she wants me, she has to take some risks and to take some actions.

October 1, 2016

I think you're doing OK. The space will drag things. When you see her once a week (and now once in two weeks), she has anyway a lot of space. You're afraid to get hurt, but at least you'll know were you stand very quickly.

If I were you, I would call her and say that i miss her, and waiting a whole week to see her is too mach, not to mention 2 weeks. That it cannot go any here with this low frequency. That way, I could tell if she's into me, or just plays with me until she finds something better. I'd would give her the impression that if she wants me, she has to take some risks and to take some actions.

She's out with friends at the moment so I'm just letting her be. I'm spending my Saturday night at home alone with a cup of tea, thoughts are running wild...no fun!

October 1, 2016

Has she blocked all contact from her ex now?

From how you describe the relationship, if you were to go any slower, you'd be going backwards. It's hardly like the two of you have rushed headlong into anything.

You didn't do the wrong thing when your ex started pulling away. Thing is, when someone starts to pull away, it means they are wanting out. No amount of giving them space would have changed that. In your current situation, I predict that this new girl is about to realise she's not ready for a relationship and end it.

While you may not be ready to end it, I would highly advise telling her that if she's not ready for a relationship that you will continue to see others.

October 1, 2016

she has only recently became single,

You need to tell her how you feel & what you want out of you 2.

Give her some space not too much tho so she can think things over, if she is interested she will text/call you/ wanna meet up.

if after a week or so she still wants space then move on to someone who is interested in you etc

October 1, 2016

She seems to be into you, you're into her, but continue taking it slowly and most important, don't expect anything.

It's clear that she's still attached to her ex. Doesn't means she wants to go back to him, but she needs time to feel ready to date. And that's something you'll never know how long it takes.

So have your fun with her knowing it can get nowhere. If you don't wanna risk it, then maybe you should stay away... at least while she clears her head.

October 1, 2016

She seems to be into you, you're into her, but continue taking it slowly and most important, don't expect anything.

It's clear that she's still attached to her ex. Doesn't means she wants to go back to him, but she needs time to feel ready to date. And that's something you'll never know how long it takes.

So have your fun with her knowing it can get nowhere. If you don't wanna risk it, then maybe you should stay away... at least while she clears her head.

This is basically the mindset I've had from the off. At the minute I have a lot of feelings for her but I'm trying to use my head as much as possible. I want to risk it though so at least I tried, I'd rather get hurt than think "what if?"

October 1, 2016

I think you're doing OK. The space will drag things. When you see her once a week (and now once in two weeks), she has anyway a lot of space. You're afraid to get hurt, but at least you'll know were you stand very quickly.

If I were you, I would call her and say that i miss her, and waiting a whole week to see her is too mach, not to mention 2 weeks. That it cannot go any here with this low frequency. That way, I could tell if she's into me, or just plays with me until she finds something better. I'd would give her the impression that if she wants me, she has to take some risks and to take some actions.

As a woman who has experienced and felt exactly what OP's girl is experiencing, I DO NOT agree with this^^. No no no.

OP, give her space. Leave her alone. Let her come to you.

October 1, 2016

As a woman who has experienced and felt exactly what OP's girl is experiencing, I DO NOT agree with this^^. No no no.

OP, give her space. Leave her alone. Let her come to you.

Yeah I thought it would come across a little pushy myself, last thing I want to do is put any pressure on her.

October 1, 2016

Yeah I thought it would come across a little pushy myself, last thing I want to do is put any pressure on her.

You got it, smart guy.

Give her space to work through confusing feelings (re her ex).

Let her wonder about you.

Let her miss you!

Let her come to you!

BTDT and if you follow lola's advice, you will push her right out. Sorry lola.

That is exactly what happened to me with guy I started dating two months after my breakup.

He pushed, I pulled away... for good.

October 1, 2016

You got it, smart guy.

Give her space to work through confusing feelings (re her ex).

Let her wonder about you.

Let her miss you!

Let her come to you!

BTDT and if you follow lola's advice, you will push her right out. Sorry lola.

That is exactly what happened to me with guy I started dating two months after my breakup.

He pushed, I pulled away... for good.

I agree, no need to rush anything right?

October 2, 2016

For you, I would advise letting her know that you know that she may still be emotionally connected to her ex and that you are expecting her to end all communication if she wants to continue with you. That is my advice based on my experience. If you want her so badly, you need to dictate to her what your needs are and have her show you that those needs are being met. Do not be played...why is she accepting these verbal attacks??? Block him for peter's sake.

This is exactly what I do with women.

It takes balls though to be that straight forward and most men just cant do it.

But, i've learned a woman that wants you will cut all the BS when she realizes you are walking unless you get what you want.

I might not do that with op's women because of the situation.

If I was him i'd just find another girl.

Also FYI small town isn't a reason to goto her.

You got townie bars?

You got bon-fires?

You got netflix?

Edited October 2, 2016 by phineas

October 2, 2016

This is exactly what I do with women.
It takes balls though to be that straight forward and most men just cant do it.

But, i've learned a woman that wants you will cut all the BS when she realizes you are walking unless you get what you want.

I agree.. but first we need to know what you want.

Which takes *balls* and a lot of confidence like phineas said.

Then it's up to us to accept or reject. If she is into you she will accept AND gain a hell of a lot of respect for you too.

If she hems and haws, or says she is confused, then go no contact, leave her alone and let her come to you. If she doesn't, so be it, move on. Do not push, do not chase.

But I have found when men are straight like that, suddenly my *confusion* disappears and I know exactly what and who I want. And it's not my ex!

Edited October 2, 2016 by katiegrl

Sign In

4 weeks in, she says we're moving too fast.

Recommended Posts

Jimmyjackson

smackie9

BaileyB

Gr8fuln2020

Jimmyjackson

Jimmyjackson

Jimmyjackson

phineas

Jimmyjackson

lolablue17

Jimmyjackson

Jimmyjackson

Gr8fuln2020

lolablue17

Jimmyjackson

basil67

GTR King

juniorrocha

Jimmyjackson

katiegrl

Jimmyjackson

katiegrl

Jimmyjackson

phineas

katiegrl

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...