SamIam2010 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 As I would like to make this brief, I feel that the details are necessary to understand my thought process of yesterdays night hook-up. I had my fair share of hook-ups (one night stands and/or causal sex) throughout my life. However, yesterday night and into the morning, had me assessing the situation more than i ever did. I truly believe I'm over thinking this although having other prospectives would most likely put an end to this discussion. Allow me to give you a run down of events that lead to the night and my assessment the next morning. I'm an American, visiting another country (Israel) and staying 3 months. Occasionally I go to Israel twice a year (She knows of this). Met her on Tinder. Works as an personal assistant to a CEO of a large clothing company. Created a connection, thought I would propose moving our conversation to WhatsApp. Added her on Facebook to confirm for myself that she is who she says she is. There was a point in our Tinder convo that when I asked her "what made you swipe right", she said, "I rather tell you in person". Of course, for me this is an indication that she just wants hookup/sex - Cool by all means. I later said, "well, if we do meet up, I would like to see you more and not make this a one time thing. Her reply, "We're on the same page :)". Talked on WhatsApp for a few days. Shortly after, she called me. I pick up (I usually don't do this right away, and also express that to her as well). We had a 90 minute convo. We both enjoyed our discussion. During that chat, she invited me to come over to smoke, I had to decline due to deadlines for projects. Offered to her that I'll come out to her way the next day. In the mist of all of this, she tells me something that horribly happen to her when she was in the states. At the end of this story, she said "I can't believe I told you that. My parents don't even know this story." <--- This is my first assessment that this could be a lie regarding that not many people know about this story or the fact that it probably never happen. Who knows, I'm going with my gut! Something weird about it. when texting on WhatsApp, I would get these indications that I'm the rare type. Example: I created a narrative (story telling) and she replies with, "I'm LOL and blushing, and I rarely ever do that." <--- This is my second assessment that I feel I'm being lied to. I'm just going with my guy feeling again! So finally, I head out her way. I'm driving by myself, told her "would you be kind enough to come down and help me park seeing that I can't read the signs in Hebrew. "Of course", she said with a little laughter. She greets me, helps me park, we go upstairs, we have wine and talk about the city from her balcony as it over looks the downtown area. Later she mentioned that this was a "feel good weird" for us to quickly be having this moment as we just matched less than a week ago - I agreed! an hour later, she wants to go inside and watch a movie. I'm thinking to myself, well, let's keep talking for a little longer...seconds later, I follow suit... We get in bed, we have sex twice, she's a moaner/screamer, etc. during the afterglow, she laid on my chest for 5 minutes, then said "I'm going to sleep", which then there wasn't any cuddling. She was the first that I've been with who didn't want to cuddle. I ask her, "let's cuddle", she said "I don't want to" in a nice way. I thought to myself, well I could leave the house but that would require her to put on clothes, take me back to the parking garage and so forth; again, I don't know my way around the city. So I slept over. Woke up the next morning, and of course, she offer to get some breakfast down the street, in which I respectfully decline as I wasn't hungry. Then I thought, maybe that's a sign for her to get rid of me? She took me to the parking garage, I drove her back to her apartment, give her a kiss, and she was on her way. another note: She would throughout the date, ask if I was okay. Might be that we were both high. Here are some questions: What does it mean for a woman (late 20's) not wanting to cuddle? Why does she go to the bathroom son many times? What are some indications that she want's you to leave in the morning? How do you know after the first hookup that there might/might not be something later? casual sex as she mentioned above about being on the same page. I like her a lot to be a friend here in Israel. She feels the same, but for some oddly reason, I can't stop thinking about this whole situation. I haven't experience why I'm giving a Sh*t about last nights events. Weird. Thanks! Matty
jen1447 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Is she Israeli? I don't want to paint w a broad brush but I have an Israeli GF where there's this same sort of disconnect a lot of the time. Def good for casual hookups but she wants more a lot of the time, then not so much etc. (Another one's not that way tho so who knows, but I always assumed it was a cultural disconnect more than anything.)
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 Is she Israeli? I don't want to paint w a broad brush but I have an Israeli GF where there's this same sort of disconnect a lot of the time. Def good for casual hookups but she wants more a lot of the time, then not so much etc. (Another one's not that way tho so who knows, but I always assumed it was a cultural disconnect more than anything.) Yes she is Israeli. Of course, I've factor that in as well regarding a cultural disconnect. See that you're a woman, here me out on this... She mention on the phone call a long the lines of "What if you don't like what you see?" moments after the hookup, she then said, "Do you think I have a good body?" as she getting up to do something. Seeing that I couldn't get an erection for the first 10 minutes during foreplay, maybe I thought this is what prompt that question? thanks.
jen1447 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 This is just anecdotal but mine seems to crave the validation too. She's stunningly beautiful but it's like she always wants me to reassure her. If she's been around I assume she's not surprised or put off by (temporary) erection issues, so that just sounds like more need for validation. What I don't pretend to understand about it tho is why - it'd be easy to assume it's just insecurity but w mine it's not really that. Almost seems like a desire to be not just accepted but adored. Maybe Israeli culture demands really high standards or sth.
Arieswoman Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 (edited) lalaman, I'm not sure what "perspective" you want on this? Before you met you said "well, if we do meet up, I would like to see you more and not make this a one time thing. Her reply, "We're on the same page ". So you led her to believe that this was more than a ONS ? You met the girl, you had consensual sex, you didn't ask to see her again, so what is the problem ? Edited October 2, 2016 by Arieswoman
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 lalaman, I'm not sure what "perspective" you want on this? Before you met you said So you led her to believe that this was more than a ONS ? You met the girl, you had consensual sex, you didn't ask to see her again, so what is the problem ? Yes, like I said before, our WhatsApp conversation said the following - "If I decide to see you, I would like to see you more than once." For me to say this wasn't implying that I want something more. Just casual sex, seeing that I'm only in country for 3 months. She agreed to this. What your missing here is that, everything before the hookup was on point. The next morning, I felt off, just could not articulate the situation.
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 If she's been around I assume she's not surprised or put off by (temporary) erection issues, so that just sounds like more need for validation. Good point Jen. Now that I recall, there was a time, with a different Israeli gal, I couldn't get it up for a bit and see asked, "am I not pretty enough?". I'm always baffled by these questions. If I'm in bed with you, I've already committed to enjoying your company and much more. What I don't pretend to understand about it tho is why - Why as in; why she's saying these things? Let me ask you this Jen, seeing that this Israeli gal had a past of doing blow, someone mention as a joke, that she may of went to the bathroom many times to do just that. Are you familiar with any of this? Not saying you do it.
Arieswoman Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 lalaman, our WhatsApp conversation said the following - "If I decide to see you, I would like to see you more than once." So why didn't you contact her again? For me to say this wasn't implying that I want something more. Just casual sex, seeing that I'm only in country for 3 months. She agreed to this. She agreed to what? Casual sex, I don't see anything in the conversation that says that. she said, "I rather tell you in person". Of course, for me this is an indication that she just wants hookup/sex - So how do you arrive at that conclusion? You say that she had to go to the bathroom "too many times" - how do you define "too many times"? seeing that this Israeli gal had a past of doing blow, when did you find that out - before or after you went there? The next morning, I felt off, just could not articulate the situation. You aren't going to call the girl again so why does it matter how you felt? Why is it a problem?
jen1447 Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Why as in; why she's saying these things? Why that much need for validation - esp if they're objectively beautiful. Let me ask you this Jen, seeing that this Israeli gal had a past of doing blow, someone mention as a joke, that she may of went to the bathroom many times to do just that. Are you familiar with any of this? Not saying you do it. I guess anything's possible but more likely she just pees a lot. Was it interspersed in the sex? She may have a sensitive g-spot.
joseb Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 OP I'm not really sure what your question is... I mean some girls dont cuddle. Esp in a hookup situation. Are you trying to see her again? If so then ask her. 2
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 Why that much need for validation - esp if they're objectively beautiful. agreed. Was it interspersed in the sex? She may have a sensitive g-spot. not really, both rounds happen within minutes apart. Bathroom breaks were before and after. Jen, what I'm also confuse (after reading about moaning/screaming), is that when a women moans/screams/moves her body around, is a good sign that she's enjoying the sex, however, from what I hear recently, that's not always the case. What's your thoughts on this? What other reasons would she be moaning/screaming if she did not enjoy it?
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 I mean some girls dont cuddle. Esp in a hookup situation. . This is what I'm learning as I've never had this problem. It was a matter of time when I run into a woman who doesn't like cuddling. She laid on her stomach, which to me sometimes indicates extreme tired-some, wants their own space, etc. I do agree that hookups are just that. Cuddling could signal a wrong message via the female. I had 3-4 questions laid out in my OP. You've answered the cuddling part, so thank you. Touche'
elaine567 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) What other reasons would she be moaning/screaming if she did not enjoy it? That's not a hard one. She wanted YOU to believe she enjoyed it. She wanted to boost your ego. She "fakes it", as she thinks moaning and screaming is expected of her during sex. She wanted to turn you on, some men get turned on when they think the woman is "really" enjoying it. She wanted to be seen as an "exciting" lay, not a dead fish. She wanted it over pretty fast, and she has found "faking it" gets it over and done with faster. Edited October 3, 2016 by elaine567 4
Lois_Griffin Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 LOL...watch the deli scene in "When Harry Met Sally." That will explain it all. 3
Arieswoman Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 I am also still confused as to what the OP's problem is? This thread seems to be developing into a 3 Act drama OP please come back and enlighten us. Thank you - still baffled
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 LOL...watch the deli scene in "When Harry Met Sally." That will explain it all. Yes, I'm very familiar with that scene.
Arieswoman Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Yes, I'm very familiar with that scene. and ..... are you going to tell us what the problem actually is ??
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) I am also still confused as to what the OP's problem is? This thread seems to be developing into a 3 Act drama OP please come back and enlighten us. Thank you - still baffled There is no drama flick here. Just seeking advice on an event that seem to tap into a feeling of what you would get when you feel that your life might be in danger; I know, quite extreme. Just felt alert. Now that this discussion has develop, there really was never a problem as you may insisted. Just observing and understanding the surrounding of the event. With that said, here is what I like to ponder on... 1.) What are some indications that she want's you to leave in the morning? 2.) The reasons as to why you're not having morning sex? 3.) What experiences could you endure from women who have a past of doing cocaine? Do women have common traits even if they stopped snorting? Personality disorder, traumatized, etc? Edited October 3, 2016 by lalaman.icer
VeveCakes Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 There is no drama flick here. Just seeking advice on an event that seem to tap into a feeling of what you would get when you feel that your life might be in danger; I know, quite extreme. Just felt alert. Now that this discussion has develop, there really was never a problem as you may insisted. Just observing and understanding the surrounding of the event. With that said, here is what I like to ponder on... 1.) What are some indications that she want's you to leave in the morning? 2.) The reasons as to why you're not having morning sex? 3.) What experiences could you endure from women who have a past of doing cocaine? Do women have common traits even if they stopped snorting? Personality disorder, traumatized, etc? Pretending she has an appointment....something like that. Or just sleeping all morning. Did she invite you to breakfast? I don't think she was pushing you out. Did you try for morning sex? If you don't try you don't know... Coke won't give her a personality disorder if she isn't using anymore, does she do other drugs? I wouldn't think too much about the cuddling, some people just prefer to sleep in their own space.
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 Did she invite you to breakfast? I don't think she was pushing you out.. she did, but I respectfully declined as I had to head to another part of town for a family gathering. She knew about this that night. Did you try for morning sex? If you don't try you don't know... . to be honest, I didn't make any effort but let's say I did, or hinted at it, and I came back with no results..what would that mean? Coke won't give her a personality disorder if she isn't using anymore, does she do other drugs? She drinks wine, weed, done molly, and heavily did coke for two years.
jen1447 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Jen, what I'm also confuse (after reading about moaning/screaming), is that when a women moans/screams/moves her body around, is a good sign that she's enjoying the sex, however, from what I hear recently, that's not always the case. What's your thoughts on this? What other reasons would she be moaning/screaming if she did not enjoy it? Not sure I follow - maybe I missed sth but why would you think she didn't enjoy the sex? If she was cold to you after that's just 'business as usual' FWB behavior. I think it's a safe assumption that if she was there, she wanted to be there, and if she wants to hook up in future she liked the sex. Also stop speculating about cocaine - maybe she was snorting, maybe she just pees a lot. Women do that for a variety of reasons, and unless you have some actual reason to think she was snorting cocaine, then let it go. Would it change anything for you anyway? (I assume you're ok w it since you were apparently aware she was a user before.)
VeveCakes Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 to be honest, I didn't make any effort but let's say I did, or hinted at it, and I came back with no results..what would that mean? well hinted at it meaning what? I mean did you or didn't you? If you tried and she rejected you it could mean anything. Tired, sore, low sex drive, something up with her...who knows.
elaine567 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Also stop speculating about cocaine - maybe she was snorting, maybe she just pees a lot. Women do that for a variety of reasons, and unless you have some actual reason to think she was snorting cocaine, then let it go. Would it change anything for you anyway? (I assume you're ok w it since you were apparently aware she was a user before.) Maybe she had a UTI (which are very common in sexually active women), maybe alcohol makes her pee a lot or makes her sick, maybe she had a bad tummy???? Who knows? 1
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 Maybe she had a UTI (which are very common in sexually active women), maybe alcohol makes her pee a lot or makes her sick, maybe she had a bad tummy???? Who knows? Yeah, good point!
Author SamIam2010 Posted October 4, 2016 Author Posted October 4, 2016 well hinted at it meaning what? I mean did you or didn't you? If you tried and she rejected you it could mean anything. Tired, sore, low sex drive, something up with her...who knows. This is also indeed true.
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