ZHguy Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 I'm slim, 18-19 and average looking. I went to a club with this above average, muscled guy. In the beginning, I was fine with people not wanting to dance with me. But later on, I started feeling rejected and pathetic. By the end, it was that guy that was being kissed by girls that gave me their wtf face when I was dancing near them. So, what am I doing wrong? Or is it all looks based. I heard some one say that girls like it best when you don't approach them at the club. Is this true? Should I just dance by myself, by friends, etc.
Fruitee Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 No its not just about looks. But I dont like it either when guys come and dance near me cute or ugly. Unless I have invited them. If youre unhappy change whatever is making you unhappy. 1
smudge21 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Ha, I'd like to offer some advice here but from my clubbing days I can honestly say that I have no idea how this works. Sometimes you'll get attention, sometimes you won't; sometimes you'll get a girl making a move on you, then the next you'll be treated like you're invisible. What I'm saying is, just go with the flow - do whatever you want to do and don't overthink the situation. Go out with the intention of just having fun and not with the plan to get lucky with a girl. Don't picture every girl as a potential as you'll be then working yourself up to act a certain way. Never take it personally when a girl isn't interested. Just means she has different tastes or is already involved. You're still only young so enjoy the journey and have some fun. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Young man, it's MOSTLY about looks! I don't know if you do any OLD, but there are some really impressive profiles that would lead you to believe that he/she is looking for an amazing personality that will complement him/her. Well, sure, provided you look cute enough to get past the door.
phineas Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Start lifting heavy OP. i've got some ok muscle but when it's covered with fat the women don't really pay attention to me off the bat. After talking to me and getting to know me for a bit is when they show interest. But, when I lean out (34/32) pant waist and i'm out at a concert at a bar they end up being the one's who move over to dance next to me.
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 I have seen many a girl with a buttaface but a ton of confidence and a good body pull guys that look like 9's & 10's. My point is that if you work on your confidence a lot more is possible than is currently going on. And guys tend to be reeled in by a good body. Don't forget the smoke and mirrors, lots of girls aren't as pretty as they look but know what to do to present it in a way that reads sexy. You have control over all 3 of these elements (confidence, body, how you present yourself). I just also add before someone beats me to it: that this is not about being false or fake or doing things that aren't you to have better luck with guys. In your OP though you said something to the effect of losing confidence and not feeling great when you are out, called yourself average and want better results with guys. Stack the odds in your favor. Even girls that look already good and are in general confident will have nights that are amazing for them because of confidence was on super high that night or ones that are terrible because their confidence took a dive. Keep that in mind. Good luck
carhill Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 In the club/bar/social-focused milieu, looks get the interview, all else being equal. Tip (OP): If having an attractive man as your wingman, expect and accept that he will get some to a lot of attention. This is normal. Play off it by using the exposure to showcase your strong points, even if you're not as good looking. Remember, while women do generally like good looking guys to look at, they vary widely in who they're attracted to. More interaction = more opportunities. Good luck! 2
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 I have seen many a girl with a buttaface but a ton of confidence and a good body pull guys that look like 9's & 10's. My point is that if you work on your confidence a lot more is possible than is currently going on. And guys tend to be reeled in by a good body. Don't forget the smoke and mirrors, lots of girls aren't as pretty as they look but know what to do to present it in a way that reads sexy. You have control over all 3 of these elements (confidence, body, how you present yourself). I just also add before someone beats me to it: that this is not about being false or fake or doing things that aren't you to have better luck with guys. In your OP though you said something to the effect of losing confidence and not feeling great when you are out, called yourself average and want better results with guys. Stack the odds in your favor. Even girls that look already good and are in general confident will have nights that are amazing for them because of confidence was on super high that night or ones that are terrible because their confidence took a dive. Keep that in mind. Good luck Ooops how did i miss that you are a guy?? My bad! Ok do the same as what I said but as a guy. The smoke and mirrors part is pretty hard as a guy because it requires hair and makeup tricks---but make up for that by cultivating a cool style and good hair!! So gym and confidence!!! Not all girls like a muscle head. But if he's bringing confidence because he feels good about how he looks it will translate. Also hang out at places where a muscle head guy is not the pick. That will be the preferred guy at certain bars/clubs, not so much in others. Good luck
Author ZHguy Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 This is a tough one. I like going out and dancing and having fun. By the muscles logic, I guess I should skip out on having a night out for the next three to five months...? I'll have to obviously learn how to have fun without women for the next several months. That'll be hard.
carhill Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 If you think improving your physique and looks will help, go with that. It doesn't mean you have to disappear. Continue socializing and building your brand and skills while on mission to get hot. 2
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 This is a tough one. I like going out and dancing and having fun. By the muscles logic, I guess I should skip out on having a night out for the next three to five months...? I'll have to obviously learn how to have fun without women for the next several months. That'll be hard. Hmmm, that's the wrong approach. It's not all one thing or another. It's not like you will have muscles and suddenly everything will be fine. You need to build confidence more than anything. So by that logic, you can be practicing and working on that WHILE building some tone. You want to build upon things that are authentically you. Like above you said you like going out dancing and having fun. I have picked the best dancer, life of the party guy many times over the muscle bound guy. Build on what is you. And it's not about getting super buff (that will work with a handful of girls who like that type for sure)--most of me and my friends would pick a fit but trim guy over a muscle head any day. If you are all about one thing (gym, muscles) it can be a little limiting and another world all together. I would keep going out and observing your friends that do well with girls. Take what they do that you like and think works well and emulate it and decide what wouldn't be you. Learn from it for sure. Discover yourself. Sometimes the best way to girls is to differentiate yourself. I'm also going with a stereotype here (but I do have quite a few people that I am friends with from London) but I think you have a wide range of what interests girls in that city. Like you could be more artsy, cool, music-y or whatever. Find what seems like you and run with it. I'm already picking up a cool and great socializer vibe from your posts and you are 18 and haven't written that much!! So there is a niche for you. Don't worry. 1
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 At your age, going to clubs, yes it is all about looks. No one is interested in having conversation to get to know your sparkling personality in a noisy night club, with overly charged wasted people. It's all visual. Not only buffy guys get attention, so do confident and well dressed guys...guys that have it all together. Us women have fierce competition too! You guys have expectation of what attracts you am I right? So why is it so negative that women expect the same? It's a no brainer. 1
RecentChange Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 A club is a meat market. Not exactly the kind of place where you can have a chat with someone and enamour them with your charm and wit. In a CLUB yes, it's all about looks. Now is a club a good reflection of every day life? Well, if your life is all about clubbing and you aspire to be part of the Jersey shore type set ...... sure, it's all about looks, muscles and fake tans. There are other places to meet women, but if you want clubbing to be your main source of social interaction, then yes, to fit in a shallow scene like that, time to hit the gym, get to a tailor, your clothes have to be on point, make sure you have the most stylish hair cuts etc etc. Because there, no one is particularly worried about anything that isn't skin deep. 1
NJ123 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Meeting women at a club is pretty much like trying to meet women through online dating. They're all looking for the top notch guys in terms of looks.
thefooloftheyear Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Just sounds like immature shyt..... Unless you look like a Klingon, Your buddy probably just has more internal confidence and swagger.... Clubs are long in my past, but Id imagine its not much different than it was in the 80's ...I worked the door and tended bar in clubs then(big raucous places in NYC, no less), so I got to see everything that went on..If just getting a set of arms and pecs was all it took, everyone would do it... I mean, sure, it will put some polish to you, but I saw plenty of skinny, fat,and downright fugly guys pull good looking women at clubs.....It's not really all that hard.. The rule in life is do stuff you like to do, and believe me some women will go crazy over it...Trying to do stuff for the sole aspect of attracting women rarely works, unless it coincides with who you really are.. TFY
Poutrew Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Just sounds like immature shyt..... Unless you look like a Klingon, Your buddy probably just has more internal confidence and swagger.... Ummm... I beg to differ. If you really looked like a Klingon, there would be many girls who would want to try you out. But, you 'd have to be a Klingon dressed in full regalia. Back in the day, when the original Star Trek was airing, it was Spock, not Kirk who was getting all the fan mail from sexually starved human females who though pointy ears and green blood were sexy... it actually bothered Bill Shatner because he really thought that Kirk ought to have been the sex symbol, not some pointy eared alien... 1
preraph Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 When you are in a setting where NOBODY knows you, then of course it's all about looks, because that is ALL they know about you. 4
thecrucible Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 It's rare to find guys interested in you for more than your looks when you're in a club. It's best not to take it too seriously though. It's also more than looks that gets them - it's showing enough flesh and/or acting in a way that exudes sexiness. Confidence also helps a lot. A couple of years ago I was at my slimmest and I would attract guys a lot more than I usually would in clubs but I didn't like it all. I got more attention than I did before but not in a way that was meaningful for me. In a way I found it kind of upsetting as every so often I'd meet pretty sleazy guys and I actually got sexually assaulted a few times by guys - like random guys putting their hands down my pants at the bar when I wasn't looking. It's nice to be admired but much more worthwhile in my opinion to just take it for what it is and seek boyfriend material in different settings. I know a woman married to a man she first met in a club but that was lucky for her. I also think there's nothing wrong with getting a bit attention (it makes you feel good) but just be aware of some of the sleazy guys out there.
Buddhist Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 You're 19 so yes it probably is mostly about looks in that age group. It takes about 10 years before people start developing relationships based on other aspects. 1
joseb Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Ive always hated clubs as a place to meet women. No chance to talk. So yes, in this setting you need make the most of your look. Adding a bit of muscle can help. No need to get all drastic and quit everything while you do it. But if you describe yourself as skinny, then even a little muscle gain would be obvious. And at your age, that's not too difficult to do. How you carry yourself is just as important. You say you enjoy dancing, so I'm guessing you have some decent moves? Surely that helps (unless maybe you are a bit OTT) Do you dance alone or with friends?
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