ashaya Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Hey guys A girl I had been really close friends with for about a year broke things off with me after about two weeks of dating- She said her anxiety was too bad to even be in a casual relationship. When she got together with someone else about 3 weeks later I asked why she really split with me, and she absolutely refused to tell me, insisting that she has "told me everything". Do you think she just dumped me and then happened to meet someone else, or was I dumped for someone else? I guess it's impossible to know really. I should add that I have no bad feeling towards her, I'm just curious.
lil hoodlum Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Hi and welcome to loveshack. Well beings that you know her more than anyone else on the forum, what is your gut instict telling you about this situation? Do you think perhaps that she wasn't honest with you about her reasons for wanting to break up with you?
Author ashaya Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 Hey thanks for the welcome! I know she wan't being honest with me about her reasons for breaking up with me- She implored me that she had issues going on in her life that prevented her from even being in a casual relationship, and then within weeks was dating someone else. We had been very close and liked each other for ages so maybe she just didn't want to hurt me? But what was strange was that after she split, she vanished - she stopped contacting me, blew me off every time I tried to see her...she even made snarky comments the few times I bumped into her in public. So yeah - I don't really know what happened...I can't tell if she just wasn't into me or if it was another guy.
lil hoodlum Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Ouch! I know how painful it is to be on the receiving end of such treatment from someone. She left you for someone else. Tell me, did she mention that she was "confused" at the moment during the break up talk?
Author ashaya Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 Thanks for getting back. It happened a few months ago so I'm past the most painful stage...it's just more about closure for me. And yes, I thought as much. What I found really bizarre was this - I confronted (respectfully) her about her new boyfriend, and she responded by inventing a conversation between us in which we had (apparently) both told each other we were seeing different people, and that we were both ok with it. She even said I hounded and interrogated her after I hadn't contacted her in weeks. She had adored me and It was really hard for me to see her to a complete 18- on me like that.
lil hoodlum Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Excuses! Sounds like she needed excuses to justify her behavior and treatment towards you. One of the tell-tale symptons of being left for someone else is how quickly they pull that 180 and seem to so easily to move on. They move on so easily because they made sure they have a soft spot to land on.
Author ashaya Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 Well it's nice having the closure, at least. Because we have mutual friends and exist within the same scene of musicians, what's your advice about how to behave around her when I see her? So far I've only been polite, I haven't ignored her or anything. I felt really let down by her because she wasn't more honest and I really want to bring it up with her...I just think it'll make me look a bit pathetic. And it's not as if it'll change anything.
lil hoodlum Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 My honest advice, straight up ignore her. Act as if she never even existed. That will really get to her. Don't be nice and civil towards her, she wasn't nice and civil to you, so she isn't deserving of such treatment from you. 3
basil67 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 When the two of you were dating, did you have chemistry? Lust?
Author ashaya Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 The chemistry wasn't really there near the end, the lust was there from my end - but I'm not sure about hers.
smudge21 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Seen this so many times here - where the partner will say they have stuff happening in their lives, or they're not wanting a serious relationship right now, their lives are stressful, they're mum/dad/pet/best friend/tivo is sick... basically just excuses and then the next second they're dating someone new. It sucks and it recently happened to me so I finally get that pain. It's a totally lack of respect for someone who was in your life and therefore there's no reason to be so cold to them. I always believe in treating people as you would expect to be treated - but for these lot, they just see other human beings as numbers and simply don't care. The hardest part is accepting that someone you loved is actually like that (took me a long time). Just ignore her - you don't need to hear anymore of her BS. You're better than this and someone out there will appreciate and respect you far more than she ever did. Let her live her life the way she wants. I would put good money on her current guy getting the same treatment when someone else comes along. You don't need that in your life.
BluesPower Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 She met someone else and did not have the decency to tell the truth. I am guessing the she actually cheated if you were exclusive. You need to totally ignore her like she NEVER EXISTED. You know relationships end or go stale for one party or the other. It is part of life, I never understood why people choose to lie about this type of stuff, but they do it all the time.
fromheart Posted October 2, 2016 Posted October 2, 2016 Yes she has told you everything. She's unstable. Bullet dodged, move on.
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