Blue31 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 (edited) To catchup. We were friends back in the day and she's single again. What's this mean? Should have I go for it? What if she is indeed seeing someone and brings her boyfriend....awkward. How should I approach this? She's gone through a rough breakup and deep down inside I believe that she isn't seeing anyone, at least exclusively, and isn't ready for a relationship yet and is scared. But why would she say this? Yes we we're friends but not the type where we'd go out just to talk, we'd see each other around other friends. And I've let it be known, I'm attracted to her and got feelings for her so that just adds to the intrigue (and I'm fairly certain she's attracted to me). Again I think this is just her way to potentially start things slow and see where it goes, and I'm fine with that or am I misreading this whole situation. I asked a really good lady friend of mine about this and she said that there is no way that she would send a text saying that if she wasn't interested, she's just keeping her options open or the timing just isn't right....do you agree with her? Edited October 1, 2016 by Blue31
metaltrees Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 I'd make it clear that your interest in her is romantic and you're not interested in meeting up in a platonic manner. If she agrees then you know.
bubbaganoosh Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 If she's seeing someone then leave it alone. Would you lie it if your girlfriend met up with another guy? 1
basil67 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 She could also be lonely and wanting to increase her friend group.
Marc878 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Id be straight forward with her. If you're seeing someone I'm not interested.
Author Blue31 Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 (edited) But she already knows where I stand. That's the confusing part. All of this has happened over texts. My delimna is I don't see her at all, I just happened to see her at her job and she started hinting to me that something was wrong, with her marriage. So I reinitiated contact via texts. She seemed excited at first then I asked about her marriage and she told me about the divorce, then I let her know my feelings and this is how she responded. I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I hate talking on the phone. I'd like to ask her in person but again, the only way I'll see her us at her job and the odds of running into her are slim in the first place and also could be awkward. I just don't see how any girl would still want to meet up of she wasn't interested. This isn't like we're 60 years old and high school friends or both married (not that would make it any better) that want to meetup, we're still young in our late 20s and 30s removed less than a half decade since our college days. If she just wanted to catch up I'm sure we could just do that through texts. Edited October 1, 2016 by Blue31
joseb Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Sure it's possible she might want to meet as friends. You could always invest an hour over a coffee and see if she is into you romanticially or not. 1
smudge21 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Take her on her word - she's seeing someone but wants to meet as friends. I'd go with it and just accept that there's not much chance of anything happening. If anything changes after you've met up then fair enough, but for now, I think you're overthinking all this and stressing yourself out. 2
salparadise Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 But she already knows where I stand. That's the confusing part. [...] I just don't see how any girl would still want to meet up of she wasn't interested. I think she's interested, but she's also coming fresh off of a divorce... so her readiness to start something is as unclear as the seeing someone comment. And who knows what that means. It could be that she has gone on one or two dates with someone, or this person could've been a rebound that she's been dating for a few months but has no intention of staying with, could be monkeybdranching. Or she might have said that so as not to appear desperate. Regardless, she's giving you an opening and you should explore the situation. Proceed cautiously until you know what's what. You don't want to be the rebound, and neither do you want to be a thing on the side if she is involved. Assess the situation cognitively with the understanding that what she tells you is either the narrative she believes, or one that she wants you to believe. Just be smart about it.
Author Blue31 Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 Well I'm not so sure the divorce is even finalized, she states it as going through a divorce and it's been long and drug out...seems like he's being a real problem. How long should I wait to ask? It's been a couple of weeks since our last texting conversation. I sent her a text but it was just something really funny and I didn't get a response nor did I expect to get one. I'd like to ask her in person and be able to read it a little better but like I've said I rarely get that opportunity to see her so that really limits my options.
Marc878 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Sounds like rebound time plus whether she's coming off a divorce or going through one its not a good situation for you to put yourself in at all.
kgcolonel Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Well I'm not so sure the divorce is even finalized, she states it as going through a divorce and it's been long and drug out...seems like he's being a real problem. How long should I wait to ask? It's been a couple of weeks since our last texting conversation. I sent her a text but it was just something really funny and I didn't get a response nor did I expect to get one. I'd like to ask her in person and be able to read it a little better but like I've said I rarely get that opportunity to see her so that really limits my options. Okay, so she says, He's being a real problem....what else is she going to say? Have you ever heard anyone say that they're being a real problem in a divorce? She isn't out of one mess and you're orbiting her to engage into another R. That's not right....give the poor girl a chance to heal and recover before you have any expectations. What she needs now is a friend, not someone expecting anything from her. She needs support and only support. If you can't give her that and limit your desires to that, then if you really care about her, back off. Just my thoughts.
mikeylo Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Divorce changes people. You are holding on to the feelings from years ago and she may not be feeling anything for you anymore. I guess she is rejecting you as she doesn't feel the same as you.
Erik30 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 I know a girl who just got out of a serious relationship, and she had to make clear to some of her male friends when they hang out that it's not a date, after some bad experiences. A lot of guys who she's known for years thought they "finally" had a shot, while she's not ready to date, or simply isn't attracted to these guys while she always assumed they were just (close) friends. They tried to go the nice guy route, pretending to help her, listen to all of her problems etc, until they made a move and she basically had to tell them to f*** off. The "seeing someone" line might be her way of telling you that she's not ready yet, or not interested.
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