Am I wasting my time?

[thisisconfusing]

I met this guy on tinder a few months back. There was an instant connection on his end (secretly on mine too). I was incredibly closed off but still he was smitten and drawn to me. I knew I liked him from the beginning and that scared me.

 

Anyway we finally met in person and I would say it was love at sight for me. Of course he didn't know that. We had a great first date. I ended up at his place (classy I know lol) Nothing really happened except making out.

 

Second date: We had sex. I knew we were. I really wanted to. I really liked him and he liked me. Before we had sex i disclosed that I have HSV2. He was okay with it.

 

FYI- No condoms were ever used (Stupid)

 

We started seeing each other every week. 1-2 times. I was still somewhat closed off but a tad bit more open. I met his daughter. She liked me. She would ask about me.

 

I told him I wanted to see him more and he totally agreed.

 

From one day to the next(LITERALLY), things were different. I brought it up and that's when he told me that he experienced symptoms for HSV2. I was so upset for him. He wanted space. I took it sooo personal. I didn't see him as much. But we were still in contact. I was super hot and cold about keeping contact. After a month or so I noticed things weren't changing. So i broke up with him. It may seem insensitive because he thought he had gotten an STD but the communication on his end just wasn't there. I am an understanding person, but i wasnt getting anything!

 

I recently found out that he didn't get HSV2 and that his being clean is NOT whats keeping him from me.

 

We still stayed in contact. He wanted to stay friends, I was on the fence about that.

 

We wouldn't speak for a month and I would initiate contact. Then we would go another month without speaking and again I would initiate contact. That has been going on for months. I feel kind of stupid cause his behavior is clearly telling me he doesn't care. But he will tell me that he misses me. That I'm great and terrific. I dont get it.

 

I till this day am shocked and confused about what happened. He asked me to be his GF he wanted the relationship. I feel like he knocked on the door and when I opened no one was there. So when I initiate contact after some time its to see where his head is at, because I would like to be with him. When he isnt distant and aloof hes really a great guy. It's not like me to chase after a man. It never has been. But this guy has me hooked.

 

FYI, we broke up in April. I have NOT stopped living my life. I have dated/dating. Going to the gym and whatnot, but I cant get over him.

 

I asked him out for drinks. Was that stupid of me? AM I WASTING MY TIME? DO I LOOK RIDICULOUS?

Edited September 30, 2016 by thisisconfusing

[KatieCares]

Honey, you can get over him, and you need to! Nothing that you have written gives much hope of reconciliation. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I see it!

The HSV2? Please be more careful! I realize that I am going to seem hopelessly old-fashioned here: but it just is not a good idea to get sexually entangled with someone so quickly. Some of those old-fashioned ideas were there for a good reason...they actually worked! It is a really good idea to get to truly know a person before getting sexually involved, and that takes time.

I am very sorry for you pain; but you can find someone who will truly value you! Wishing you the best!

[hew]

I totally get that it sucks but it sounds like it would be best to let him go entirely.

 

I have been on many tinder dates. Some go ok but we never end up keeping in touch, some go horrible and its awkward, and I've had a few that i really liked and wanted to see again.

 

Literally all of those times they didn't wanna see me again and I just feel played and sad.

 

Guys can be so confusing and dishonest.

 

You will feel better once you force yourself to realize its over and that you are worthy of more love than he can give you. Sometimes it takes time to realize these things. But always ALWAYS remember that you are great despite the way a man may make you feel.

[smudge21]

Guys can be so confusing and dishonest.

 

Just had to edit that to "people can be confusing and dishonest", but anyway, this guy sounds like he was interested right up until the sex so it's easy to call him a player and write him off. However, maybe he felt that things went to fast too soon, and that scared him off, hence the excuses (rather than the typical player attitude of not interested but still up for more).

 

Take your time. There's no rush to get into a relationship. Get to know the person before jumping into bed with them. Oh and please play safe. Nothing worse than regret.

 

As for this guy, I reckon part of your pain is the fact it seriously bruised your ego. One minute you're on that high that we all get when someone is interested, and the next he's gone and so is everything that came with him. I wish I could offer you a quick fix to get over this, but having been there, all you can do is work through it. Avoid any contact and just focus on you. He's your past, not your future.

[angel.eyes]

Have you gotten tested for STIs? It's highly unusual for a guy to not use condoms when someone states she has an incurable disease. It makes me wonder what incurable he might have to share.

 

As for your concern: six months of him not initiating, and not communicating unless you reach out? Yes, I think you're wasting your time. Let me ask you this, why would things change for the better? What about the situation is suddenly going to change and get him interested and excited about dating you...after six months of barely engaging with you?