when you confess to your close friend and he rejects you?

[ToDearest]

I've been close to this friend for about a year. I never used to like him (because he's not that attractive). However, he did a lot for me. For example, when I was sad he would just show up in front of my house with something that makes me happy. Recently, I started to develop feelings for him. So.. I asked him out. However, he rejected me. Although he did say he has wanted to be with me and that he does kind of like me, he told me he's not ready for a relationship right now because he's unsure of what his future path will be. He might be leaving the state to attend grad school. He also told me he's going to regret rejecting me.

Obviously I felt upset after getting rejected. I stopped initiating contact with him. Usually I contact him first because he's a very quiet person and he doesn't talk much. But ever since then, he started to talk to me very often and would ask about me. He even said Good morning and Good night to me (something he would never do in the past unless I say it first). I'm so confused. A part of me hopes that he is initiating so often now because he does want to be with me. But another part of me is telling me he's just sorry for saying no, thus he's trying hard to remain friends with me.

What should I do?

[Buddhist]

Accept the rejection. Everything else he said is just to make you feel better. You know the truth of that, if he wanted to be with you, he would.

[preraph]

If I had to guess, I'd say he's a guy and he doesn't want you for his girlfriend but he would have liked to just have sex with you and that is what he's regretting. If he wanted you, he wouldn't have made excuses. But he at least thinks enough of you as a friend to not want to lead you on.

 

I just wonder if you know for sure he dates women at all or if he might be gay or still unsure.

[Toodaloo]

Accept his rejection and go back to normal and be your usual bright and breezy happy self.

 

Its easy to mix up the strong feelings you have for a close friend and a lover. Often they are very similar.

 

Don't panic. Just ignore that you asked him out and keep being normal and eventually all will go back to normal!

 

In five years time you will both laugh about it.

 

Don't stress. All is fine here.

[smackie9]

IMO he is being a chicken s&^%. Some shy guys go hide in their snail shell when someone shows that they like them because anxiety sets in freaking them out. Guys like him feel more comfortable admiring from afar....because it's safe.

 

I say just go with the flow and enjoy the friendship. Who knows maybe he will grow a set one day.

[GemmaUK]

Accept the rejection.

If you want to be friends then be friends.

He told you he is not ready for a RS.

Listen hard when people tell you things like that.

 

If he has a change of heart and really wants you - you will know - because he will tell you - rather than just initiating texts.

You're not initiating contact - he is just missing contact so contacting you.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

This happened to me recently. A guy rejected me twice. As soon as I stopped all contact, he started to text me all the time, even complaining he was down and needed a friend.

 

My advice? Don't give in to this behaviour. What he's missing is the attention, not the company. You can do better than a guy who only leaves you on the backburner when he realises he has lost the attention he craved not the person, ( who he obviously doesn't deserve anyway).

 

Be prepared for when you DO actually get with someone and get a boyfriend. Guys like this start to act a bit crazy!

[metaltrees]

I've been close to this friend for about a year. I never used to like him (because he's not that attractive). However, he did a lot for me. For example, when I was sad he would just show up in front of my house with something that makes me happy. Recently, I started to develop feelings for him. So.. I asked him out. However, he rejected me. Although he did say he has wanted to be with me and that he does kind of like me, he told me he's not ready for a relationship right now because he's unsure of what his future path will be. He might be leaving the state to attend grad school. He also told me he's going to regret rejecting me.

Obviously I felt upset after getting rejected. I stopped initiating contact with him. Usually I contact him first because he's a very quiet person and he doesn't talk much. But ever since then, he started to talk to me very often and would ask about me. He even said Good morning and Good night to me (something he would never do in the past unless I say it first). I'm so confused. A part of me hopes that he is initiating so often now because he does want to be with me. But another part of me is telling me he's just sorry for saying no, thus he's trying hard to remain friends with me.

What should I do?

 

In my experience "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" means "I don't want a relationship with you". If he truly wanted to be with you then he'd move heaven and earth to do so. It sounds like he might be keeping you hanging as a back up, but I'm not sure. Maybe he does want to remain good friends.

 

If I was you I'd move on though. Sure, stay friends, but it doesn't seem like he has much romantic interest in you.

[NTV]

What the crap? I don't get where half of you folks are coming from. Sounds like he was being totally honest with his future to her and how logistics would create a problem with being in a serious relationship with her.

 

Can't fault him for being that honest. I think he probably just laid all his cards on the table. Now its totally on her if she wants to pursue the relationship to offer up possible solutions they can both live with. He'll help I bet but doesn't want to be the sole reason she moved somewhere because that breeds resentment in dating relationship.

 

Makes sense to me.

[phineas]

I've been close to this friend for about a year. I never used to like him (because he's not that attractive). However, he did a lot for me. For example, when I was sad he would just show up in front of my house with something that makes me happy. Recently, I started to develop feelings for him. So.. I asked him out. However, he rejected me. Although he did say he has wanted to be with me and that he does kind of like me, he told me he's not ready for a relationship right now because he's unsure of what his future path will be. He might be leaving the state to attend grad school. He also told me he's going to regret rejecting me.

Obviously I felt upset after getting rejected. I stopped initiating contact with him. Usually I contact him first because he's a very quiet person and he doesn't talk much. But ever since then, he started to talk to me very often and would ask about me. He even said Good morning and Good night to me (something he would never do in the past unless I say it first). I'm so confused. A part of me hopes that he is initiating so often now because he does want to be with me. But another part of me is telling me he's just sorry for saying no, thus he's trying hard to remain friends with me.

What should I do?

 

Just how often are you sad?

 

I have a beautiful woman friend who has hit a rough spot lately and i've hit my limit of going to her place and cheering her up.

I'd sleep with her in a heartbeat but i wouldn't date her.

Not now.

I refuse to date women who are "sad" often.

 

Perhaps there is something about you that keeps him from wanting to date you?

Have you ever rejected him?

[Grey40]

Yeah from a guys perspective I think he's just being honest with you and you should respect that. He knows if he starts something with you there's a good chance it's not going to last or develop because he's most likely leaving. Some guys wouldn't even be that honest they'd just use you and then leave you in the dust.

 

It's just bad timing. When he liked you, you didn't like him. Now you like him but it's too late. It happens. Best thing is to move on, plenty of nice guys in the sea, and he won't be the last.