Author Rhythm28 Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 Star gazer, you're right. You're absolutely right. I did smile when I saw your suggestion about going out again. It would be nice to go out again, no marathon date this time But that's not up to me. Besides, now is the time for me to take a step back and see if this is something I want to pursue. If it's meant to be, it will happen on it's own. No forcing the issue or rushing things on my part. I was upset and confused when I first came on here looking for answers. If I knew or felt I did everything right, I would never have come on here but I guess we all know that wasn't the case. I know where and how I went wrong. Can't change the past, but you can change the future. She'll be there for an hour or so before I leave tomorrow. She works late and I work early so there's an hour and a half where our shifts overlap. Will know more tomorrow. Thanks again
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Just thought I'd come on here and fill you in on what happened with me and the girl from work. I talked to her yesterday. She smiled and we had a a brief conversation on the way to the break room. Kept it light. Neither of us mentioned the other night at her house. Today at work she came all the way across to where I was at to see what time I was going on break. Then tonight she asked me to go to the movies with her tomorrow. Personally, I would have told me to go screw myself after the "performance" I put on the other night. She's confusing me, that's for sure. I'll keep it casual and light for tomorrow. I'll let her bring up the other night if she wants to talk about it. I just don't want to feel like I'm some sort of tour guide for her because she's bored and has nothing better to do. That's part of the reason I stormed out of there the other night and began my tirade here. You women are hard to figure out.
Zaira Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 A man who can learn from his mistakes. I'm impressed I hope this date goes better for you.
Jennifer'sSecret Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 I really admire how you took SG's comments and looked inside to how you behaved...Sounds like you may be able to turn the situation around now. Kudos to you!
Mary3 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Thats exactly right. Just go out with her and don't mention the yesterday or a week ago because they are in the past now. Just keep it casual and light. Just go in with no expectations and have a good time enjoying the movie and her company and maybe you might get a kiss goodnite. If not, oh well. Don't sweat the small stuff in life anymore. Take care of YOU now
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Picked her up. Went to the movies. Nothing we wanted to see so we went to a classy bar. Had some dinner, a few drinks and then she dropped it: She told me about her and some guy back in NYC. Said they lived together for a year and a half. Talked about kids, marriage, etc. It never happened. There were alot of things going on with him according to her and he wound up moving out. At that point, she realized there was nothing left for her there so she decided to move here with her best friend. After she was done telling me all this, she kinda got quiet, turned her head and I could see her eyes just beginning to get a little watery. She showed me the text message she tried to send me a few days ago. (I never received it) It said that she wasn't mad at me, just surprised by what I said. So I was right. There was something she left back in New York. We got back to her place and she went to kiss me on my cheek but I wouldn't let her. The only was I was going to kiss her was on the lips. That wasn't about to happen either so we sat there and talked for about 15 minutes. I told her I couldn't see her like this and that she was confusing me by her actions. She realized what she was doing and apologized. She said she wasn't really ready for anything right now and I was OK with it. This morning I activated my text messaging on my phone and sent her this message: "When one door closes, another one opens. I know you're afraid to walk through it right now. Friends for now. Maybe some day more. I'll leave that up to you." Thanks to everyone who responded. I owe you alot but I also owed it to myself to not allow this to continue. Sorry. That's just the way I am. She may have liked me but she had no business being on dates with me. She said she wanted to get to know me better and that's fine. But who knows if she would have ever been ready. Getting over a year and a half relationship doesn't happen over night. They split up a month or two ago. I wasn't about to put my life on hold for her and hope that she would eventually come around. Who knows what the future holds........
Jennifer'sSecret Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 That was absolutely the right text message to send.
Mary3 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Exactly Right ! She had NO right starting something new when she still had old baggage from NYC hanging on her back. Give her some time if you want. LOTS of time but meanwhile get on with your own life and remain her friend if you can....thats hard because if you have any feelings its hard to be buddies...or if she has feelings for you. Right now its all about YOU ! And it should be.....let her heal.
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Thanks for replying Mary and Jen. She texted me back with, "I liked your message. Have a good day at work." She's going back to NY in two weeks to have her braces removed. I'm guessing she'll contact the ex when she's there to see if the relationship can be salvaged. He'll either crush her again or she won't come back to Chicago. Who knows. In the meantime, it's time to put it behind me. This could have really gotten out of hand had I continued to fool myself and see her on a regular basis. I'll see her at work and say hi. Probably avoid long conversations with her and won't sit with her if I see her in the break room. Like you said, it's hard to be friends for someone when feelings are involved.
Mary3 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 See ! ? If you didnt have us at Love Shack you might just be playing her game a little longer and fooling yourself. Just remember , when in doubt, ask a neutral party about your situation. Whether that be a friend or your mom or your priest....or even here. Because we are born with a gut instinct and we need to use it ! |Good Luck
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 When I last left you guys I had pretty much put it behind me but since we work together, we see each other a few days a week. Saw her yesterday at work. I was in the break room and she came down a few minutes later. I smiled and said hi but she didn't smile when she said hi. On my way out of the break room I tried to make eye contact with her but she just kept on staring at the TV. I thought that maybe she was trying to be professional and simply move on or that she was upset with me because I told her I couldn't see her as more thanf a friend. A couple of hours later I went on break again and I saw her on my way to the break room. We struck up a brief but light conversation. I went down to the break room and 10 minutes later she was down there again (coincidence?) She walked by me but didn't say anything as I had a granola bar in my mouth. She left at 6:45 and I left at 8:00. At 8:02 as I was walking to my car I get a message notification on my cell phone, from her. I saw the number and I got upset. I thought we agreed to not see or talk to each other outside of work until she decided she wanted to date me. The text message read, "You look hot with your uniform". We work at a casino. I'm a dealer and she's a cocktail server. This upset me more because I had resigned myself to the fact that she wasn't ready or interested. Now I'm confused. I waited til about an hour later to respond with, "You too :)" So now what? What's going on? I know what I'm gonna do and that's keep quiet and not contact her. But what's she up to?
Mary3 Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Your message should have been " Leave me alone please like we agreed " To say " Yeah you were hot too.....well that shows darn well that you are still checking her out , which is what she wants. Cut the umbilical cord now. She is not a baby and its time for her to be an adult and get out there into the world. She needs to leave you alone. Period.
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 Funny, I agree with both of you. Can't argue with either one of your posts Mary and Star. Believe me, I really wanted to text back, "Do you know what you're doing?" But if we're gonna work at the same place, it's best not to create any conflict. "Leave me alone please like we agreed" may have been a bit too harsh (even though that's what I was feeling when I read her text) but I certainly wasn't gonna text anything back along the lines of, "Hey wanna get together this weekend?" Like I said, I'll be cordial at work and not call her. She sure does love to text though.......
Icarus Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Just had to tell you all this has been great entertainment at 3 am! It's been like watching a soap opera. Starts out kinda interesting ... reaches a climax with multiple women chastising/berating a guy, feeling sorry for the woman and telling him to leave HER alone ... and ends with a nice warm-fuzzy for the guy, suggesting that the woman should leave HIM alone. Oh wow ... if they could only put this on the screen!!!
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 For those of you still following along. She starts her Friday night shift at 6:45. I leave at 8. I went on break at 7:00. At 10 after 7, she came downstairs to the breakroom. When she saw me at the end of the hallway, she immediately opened her cell phone and started talking to someone. When I was done with my phone conversation I walked by her and said hello. Yesterday she did the same thing. I went on break and not more than 3 minutes later she was down there to use the bathroom. I pretended not to notice her but she made it a point to keep looking in the vending machines so I could get a clearer look at her. I know I may be jumping to conclusions here but this has happened 4 times now since we agreed to not see each other anymore. At work I just go about my business. The way I did before I met her. I'm pretty sure I even saw her by my table on the floor yesterday. I don't see this letting up and the more I "go on with my life" the harder she trys to get me to notice her. She's a nice girl but she's the one that wanted not to go out with me on dates anymore. I have no intention of calling her or asking her out again. But what's her deal?
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Chased, ignored.....what difference does it make? What does she plan to do about it? I am not going to confront her unless of course it really gets out of hand. It's irritating because I walked away and she's not making it easy for me.
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Thanks for responding to everyone.....but I feel that if I talk to her again and start asking her stuff like that then I'm opening up a whole new can of worms. I have walked away and I'm OK with it. She only has limited opportunites to see me at work. One whole day together and passing between shifts two other days so she trys to "make the most of it" when she does actually see me there. Don't worry. I'm not mad or frustrated at any of you guys.
clandestinidad Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 This is an interesting turn of events! She's playing the: "we said we wont date, but I'm gonna make you want me" game Dont give into it fully.....if she does it again say Hey as you walk by her....nothing more. and dont really look at her, either. Act like she's just someone youre passing by. Oh wait...only do this if you DO want to date her. If you dont, then ignore her completely anyway, play along....make her want you by being aloof and distant....only give her a tiny morsel to chew on for a while, and try to figure out. The important thing is this: if you DO want to date her, then you have to give her a LITTLE something otherwise she'll give up Its fun....go for it....LOL (i'm sure you know all this already, but its still fun to talk about!!!)
katty Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl No need to condescendingly suggest I re-read your posts, the first time was enough. You come across as rather hostile and impatient. You seem obsessed with having to spend money on dates. Nobody said you have to take a date out to an expensive dinner - there's plenty of things a new couple can do in the beginning when you're just getting to know someone that don't have to cost much - nobody says it has to be dinner. You asked her what was wrong but geez, she barely knows you - would you expect a girl is going to spill her guts about issues she may have "left" when she's out on the second date? Maybe the reason she didn't go into her house after your tongue-lashing was because she was very interested in you and was sad that you'd said those things and she thought that if you saw her standing there, maybe you'd walk back up to her and give her a chance to open up. If dating to you is all about what a bunch of money you're wasting, maybe you shouldn't date. Or maybe just date yourself. I have to agree with shygurl, I can't believe you reacted the way you did, especially after two dates, I have been out with guys before several times and never even offered a good night kiss at the end, I sure am glad they didn't feel that way. Have you ever thought that maybe she was a little homesick? She may have gotten quiet bc something reminded her of home or something like that, I can't help but wonder if maybe you have been burned in a past rs by some girl and now have a bit of bitterness or chip on your shoulder towards women, I am just speculating. I think that maybe before you go out on anymore dates you find out from the girl if you are getting your moneys worth before you waste your precious money or time. I am just shocked that someone would feel or act this way, she was probably standing there thinking WTF just happened? What the he-- is up his butt? Sorry your date didn't measure up to your obviously high expectations but maybe shygurl is right maybe you should just date yourself.
clandestinidad Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 ???? was that a new post???? or was it re-posted for some reason???? i'm confused We've already moved on from that....he recognized what he did wrong, and apologized to her....its not really an issue anymore. You make good points though...it was a jerk thing to do
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 28, 2005 Author Posted July 28, 2005 Never heard of the "we said we wont date, but I'm gonna make you want me" game. That's exactly what I did last Friday when she was standing there on her phone. I walked by and said "hey" without really looking at her. Here's the thing: I'm 33 and she'll be 31 in September. Don't you think we're both past this? I can see what she's doing (her game) I backed out. At her age, why is she still doing this? She made it clear that she doesn't date people she works with, fine. Then I get a cute,sexy text message and following-me-around. What's up with that?
Recommended Posts