Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Rhythm28 If you can't kiss me, you're either (A) not interested or (B) have an issue. Maybe she didn't want to look easy.
shygurl Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Rhythm28 I wish she was in your town too. THAT way, she wouldn't lead guys on. If you're not ready for a relationship, hang out with your girlfriends. That's what they are there for. Don't go looking for free meals and someone to show you the city. I noticed no guys have responded. They're smart. They know better than to come on here and get flamed by what I like to call FEMINISTAS. Nomad's a guy - and he seems to agree with the rest of us Feministas, so your point is? It's plain to see this is all about you. You seem very self-absorbed. First off, it was her friend that set you 2 up - for all you know, she had nothing to do with it. You're only ASSUMING she was hanging out for 15 minutes "waiting for you to ask her out" - are you psychic? You had a whopping 2 dates. The second date you went for dinner. You make it sound like you spent a month of Sundays being a tour guide - so big deal, you showed her around your city on date #1, was it such a sacrifice for you? You act like you donated your left kidney. Who says she's looking for free meals? Again, you're assuming that. Again, it was YOUR idea to go for dinner - I'm sure she didn't say "hey, can you take me out for dinner?" If you don't want to blow cash on someone you're just getting to know, choose something that's inexpensive - go for coffee, see a movie, go for a walk, etc. Let's face it, you acted like a spoiled, bratty punk who didn't get his own way and you were mean to her. Let it go already, you clearly have no respect or regard for her. I'm sure she's not spending hours on the internet going on and on about the likes of you.
Merin Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Rhythm28 I wish she was in your town too. THAT way, she wouldn't lead guys on. If you're not ready for a relationship, hang out with your girlfriends. That's what they are there for. Don't go looking for free meals and someone to show you the city. I noticed no guys have responded. They're smart. They know better than to come on here and get flamed by what I like to call FEMINISTAS. What?! Free meal's and someone to show her the City? So what is a meal worth to YOU? How does a Guy like yourself measure that? Value Menu= A Kiss Extra Value Menu= A Kiss with Tounge Say a Chili's or an Applebee' A kiss with tounge and a grope Anything over the price of Chili's and what? She better stand the hell by because you're staying over? Whats up? She wasn't leading you on, if anything you misrepresented yourself to her.. you came across as a good Guy who was interested in HER and getting to know HER but obviously your motives were not in getting to know her or to care about her.. it was you spent money money and didn't get a kiss/tounge/grope/breakfast when YOU thought you'd spend enough to warrant that and now you're pissed off. The same could be said for you.. IF you're not ready to date when that means you might have to spend some money without getting some on the second date then perhaps you should hang out with your guy friends.
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Crushed? Because I didn't get a kiss? Ha. It's moreso rellief. Now I won't have to waste her time or mine. WHEN you women are interested in a guy you want him to kiss you. Maybe not on the first date but definitley by the second date. If you can't do it, you're simply not interested or have an issue. PERIOD. You're right. It could be one of many thinigs. Things you mentioned that have entered my mind that are horrible. How does someone get past that? You don't. You certainly don't try to find a new guy. Maybe she thought she was ready and realized she wasn't. I was just the poor sap who happened to be there. She doesn't owe me anything. So what if we went out? Big deal. It's not about the money. Money I can always make back. Time is lost forever. Abrasive? No, I don't think so. I didn't yell, scream, get in her face, nor foam at the mouth like you wish I did. Ulitmatum. Not good. Overreacted. I admit it. There, you happy now? I was confused as well and was out of line. I wasn't about to keep playing this game for days and weeks on end with no clear resolution in sight. I wasn't out to make her feel low or stupid. Verbally abusive? Where did you get that from? Did I tell her she was stupid for not dealing with her past? Did I tell her she should get counseling? Did I tell her she was a bitch for leading me on? No, no, and once again, no. I had to get out of there. I am not SuperMan. I don't have the solutions to her problems. I can't hang around and be a counselor. It's stuff she's gotta do on her own.
clandestinidad Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 See....eventually I thought maybe you were an alright guy that just got a little ego-hit....but then you continue w/ comments like: Don't go looking for free meals and someone to show you the city HOW DARE YOU assume that thats what she did!!! She just moved somewhere, got down about SOMEthing so she got quiet, and you treat her like that on the 2nd date!!!!! I think she genuinely liked you, or was interested in seeing what you were all about....but probably not now. And I hope that she knows to stay away from people who hurt you, and think/assume bad things about you, on the SECOND DATE!!!!
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Youre awfully concerned w/ YOUR confusion and rejection...and youre not showing that you give a crap about HER confusion and rejection. I understand that in your eyes, she got cold and distant...and it made you think she suddenly changed her mind about you. I get that part totally, and I understand that it made you stand-off-ish. Its normal for you to think/feel that way....and I now see that you know how hurtful and wrong it was to say those things to her, so thats good. You should call her asap and tell her that youre sorry for ending your date so rudely....and that should be all you need to say (b/c you dont want to dig yourself into a hole by going on and on explaining WHY you did it...girls dont care WHY you did something, we just want to hear that you wont do it again) So anyway, I really think her distance had nothing to do with you or her thoughts about dating you. Perhaps something in the conversation brought something up in her mind....maybe she was missing her family?? I dont know.....but I do know that it had nothing to do w/ you. About the kiss rejection....sometimes its b/c people dont like to kiss for a while....sometimes I dont want to kiss someone when I'm a little down about things....maybe she didnt want your first kiss to be when she was feeling depressed.....dont assume its b/c she's not into you If she said all those things beforehand, she wouldnt just up and change her mind about you during the date for no reason......unfortunately you ended up GIVING her reasons, and you should rectify that asap If she's not someone you want to date, then dont.....I still dont think you respect her enough to date her, and its not like that magically changes I totally agree with your post. BUT she's in a new town with very few friends. Please understand when a guy takes you out, it's because HE LIKES YOU. Not because he's bored. Not because he's got money to burn. He likes you, end of story. At her age (30) I'm sure she knows this. It's was a date.
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Rhythm28 Now I won't have to waste her time or mine. Problem solved.
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 IF she knew she wasn't ready to date or had some stuff she needed to deal with, why go out with me? Why did her friend who set us up put me in this position? She must have known about her past. When she decided to make the move to Chicago I'm sure she asked her why she wanted to just drop everything and start a new life here. This was not my idea everyone. Her friend pushed for it. When I asked her for her number she gave it to me. There are no clean deals. Everyone has a little emotional baggage. I knew she didn't leave NYC for nothing. But no one told me to ask her out.
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 You asked her out. It hasn't worked. Stop overanalysing the whole situation and move on.
shygurl Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Rhythm28 IF she knew she wasn't ready to date or had some stuff she needed to deal with, why go out with me? Why did her friend who set us up put me in this position? She must have known about her past. When she decided to make the move to Chicago I'm sure she asked her why she wanted to just drop everything and start a new life here. This was not my idea everyone. Her friend pushed for it. When I asked her for her number she gave it to me. There are no clean deals. Everyone has a little emotional baggage. I knew she didn't leave NYC for nothing. But no one told me to ask her out. Did someone put a gun to your head and force you to "ask for her number"? No. You did that of your own free will. If you knew she didn't leave NYC for nothing, you could have asked the friend that was pushing for you 2 to go out - what her story was, why she left everything to move to Chicago. Don't blame anyone but yourself for the choices you made and the questions you failed to ask. So what her friend pushed for it, don't you have a mind of your own? Can't you stand up for yourself?
Mary3 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I see the direct means between your wallet ...is what happens on a date. If its one date or 10 dates and she does NOT want to kiss you , thats her perogative ! The same goes back to you...its whenever you are BOTH ready for that kiss... As for you wasting your precious time....well I think you wasted HER precious time ! Your wallet and how much you have to empty it tells me you are a cheap-o-skate ! Maybe if you were NICER she might have cooked your dinner....kissed your lips when she felt right, gave you a warm massage and a MILLION other things we women do to PLEASE you but its not going to happen here. How dare you equate what you spend on how far you are going to get. I see Betty Palm and her 5 sisters as your date tonite. * smirk *
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Well let's see. I picked her up at 4 p.m. went out to dinner, Navy Pier in Chicago and then to 2 nightclubs where she had a blast. We got back to her place at 3 a.m. I'll give her credit. She tried. But in the end, it all caught up to her. Who knows what was going on in her head. Who knows what happened back in NY. It is only now, a day later, that I can see what I said. I was going on emotion. Lots of 'em. Frustration, confusion, etc. She wasn't/isn't ready. That's fine. I just can't continue to pursue someone who is not ready.
Mary3 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Go ahead and continue tallying up your date and counting cash. Cheap in the wallet means cheap with the affection. I smell issues here....
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Nice post Mary3. That one actually made me laugh You're right, no one put a gun to my head but I doubt her friend would have told me the entire truth about what happened back in NYC. Especially if it wasn't good. At the same time, you don't send people into missions unprepared or that are doomed from the get-go. Thanks everyone. I don't mind you guys calling me a hundred different names. It's actually entertaining. I may or may not agree with what you say but I value your opinions (they're free!) I'm sticking to everything I said but I also see that I was wrong in many ways. Thanks again.
clandestinidad Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 How did she cut the date short if it was for 11 freakin HOURS!?!?!? 4pm-3AM!!!!!! Youre creepin me out....I mean, why are you so consumed w/ this?! Youre obviously so much better than her, so I dont know what the problem is. Heaven forbid someone get tired after 8 or more hours!!! Now I see clearly that something is wrong w/ you, that you somehow assume she is leading you on for a free meal after an 11 hour date!!!!
shygurl Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Rhythm28 Nice post Mary3. That one actually made me laugh You're right, no one put a gun to my head but I doubt her friend would have told me the entire truth about what happened back in NYC. Especially if it wasn't good. At the same time, you don't send people into missions unprepared or that are doomed from the get-go. Thanks everyone. I don't mind you guys calling me a hundred different names. It's actually entertaining. I may or may not agree with what you say but I value your opinions (they're free!) I'm sticking to everything I said but I also see that I was wrong in many ways. Thanks again. Hey, wanna go out? LMAO!
Nomad Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Rhythm, (I AM a guy, by the way, not a Feminista) you obviously have very little dating experience or have gotten very, very lucky with the girls you've previously been out with. So you buy a girl dinner, so what? She's supposed to fellate you under the table??? Dating is about taking chances...sometimes it doesn't work out. That's a fact of life. It's also a fact of life that people don't always conform to your every whim. Second of all, why would you lean in for a KISS when you KNOW the date's gone bad? You go for a kiss when the moment is there & you think she's into it...not when her mind is a million miles away & she's feeling down. Another possibilty here is that YOU were really attracted to HER & got severely disappointed when she seemed disinterested in you. Disappointment & frustration could cause someone to blow up like that. How old are you exactly? You seem very immature...& that's not a personal attack, simply an observation from your posts.
Mary3 Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 You will ALWAYS get honesty here on Love Shack. ! You may not like what you hear but it will be truthful and hopefully guide you. You are , afterall , getting answers from alot of women ( and some men ) sooooooo if I were you, I would use this as a form of constructive advice. Glad you thought that was funny.. I was getting ready to call you another name but I think there is some possible hope here for you. You should * drink * our advice until you have had your fill. We won't sugarcoat what you need to do....be glad you found this place. I know I was forever greatful , it prevented me from acting like a total idiot during my breakup because I found this place when I came across my bf still hanging on to the ex. I lost in the end and he picked her but hey you know what : They can have each other ! I have moved on. It felt like it took forever.... Please take a hard look at yourself. Everyone here deserves a good relationship...even you....so try to learn how to be a great date !
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 Talked to her friend today at work. She didn't come at me with a machete like I thought she would. She spoke with the girl I took out the other night and she didn't seem too upset. I called this morning and left an apology on her voicemail as well as an open invitation to talk if she ever wanted to. Do I expect a call? At this point, no. I think I pretty much shot myself in the foot. It's ok. I still stand by some of my actions. She's either interested or she's not. I like to find out early instead of wasting everyone's time. Mary3 and Nomad, thanks. Good posts. Some replies to Nomad: 1. I have plenty of dating experience as well as relationship experience. I also have experience with women who have issues and/or emotional baggage. I picked up on it. 2. You're right. You go for the kiss when the moment is right. You also go for the kiss early on in dating. You don't wait weeks or months. Once again I'm gonna get flamed BUT why waste time with someone who may be a professional dater, or out with you because they've got nothing else going on. 3. Yeah I was attracted to her and I'm sure she was interested in me as well. Remember, she made references to future dates and invited me to NYC before this second date was even over! In fact, she suggested we go out on this particular date, not me. It wasn't disappointment that caused me to blow up. It was confusion. How is she all over me, then all of the sudden distant?
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 Thanks. That's why I came on here. If it had gone well, had I done everything right, I wouldn't be on here. I accept responsibility for my actions. I overreacted. Feared losing her. I may very well have done so anyway. But I still found out early. Maybe you've gotta give these things time. I still believe she was into me, the date was going good, too good, and that's when the fear set it. Where it's from, I don't know. Yeah I probably screwed it up at the end of the night and I don't expect her to call back. Thanks again. I don't have anything bad to say about any of you. You've helped
Mary3 Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 You are very lucky that ( and so are all of us here ) that this site exists. Not only can you learn TODAY but it will help you tomorrow and everyday that you come here and read stories that everyone posts. Absolutely priceless information ! You can take this time , as some of us do , as we date again , to listen to horror stories ( lol ) and just the whole gamut of experiences .. It benefits you completely ! I see a slight change in you. Now as you read some older threads you might say " Hey that was me ! " And someday give some of your own advice. Experience speaks volumes.
clandestinidad Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I'm so glad that youre doing better tonight than before....you seemed very upset, and perhaps we picked up on that rather than who you really are. I think you probably made her feel a LOT better by calling and apologizing...and about being there if she wants to talk. Thats a hard thing to do, and I'm glad to see that youre not as bad as you seemed previously I wish you all the best w/ her
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 Thanks. Like I said, I harbor no resentment towards any of you. I apprecitated everything you all have said, even the stuff I didn't agree with! Saw her friend at work today. She said she'll probably call me. Not counting on it. Was dreading going to work and seeing the friend today. I thought I was really gonna get an ass-chewing from her. I know there's an issue with the girl I took out. Thanks for wishing me luck with her. At this point I'd be happy/satisfied with just moving on and forgetting about her.
alex434 Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Originally posted by Rhythm28 Thanks. Like I said, I harbor no resentment towards any of you. I apprecitated everything you all have said, even the stuff I didn't agree with! Saw her friend at work today. She said she'll probably call me. Not counting on it. Was dreading going to work and seeing the friend today. I thought I was really gonna get an ass-chewing from her. I know there's an issue with the girl I took out. Thanks for wishing me luck with her. At this point I'd be happy/satisfied with just moving on and forgetting about her. let us know if she calls you and what happens, go for it with her!
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