Broke with my over text (7 months together)

[cucumber95]

I found my girlfriend on dating site in january, we chatted for 1 month (everyday from morning to night) before we met and it was amazing for her and me when we finally met. So after few dates, we decided to be together, also I need to tell that she lived 70 miles from me.

 

I was going to her every weekend for 2 days, it was just amazing, she was happy and I was happy. Her family liked me, her father said once that she won't find better boyfriend than me, sho he really liked me.

 

We had some issues, she is younger than me (17) and I am 21. Sometimes she did things which hurt me, because I loved her so much and finding out things like that she was sending some random guys pictures to her friend on facebook and putting <3 <3 <3 below picture, made me sad (I found out about things like that when she gave me password to facebook), lot of those things she wrote to her friend were really painful for me, because she was the only girl I have seen, and well she was saying that she loves me, but still chatted about other guys with her friend :/ I wanted to break up but I did not, I could not let her go because I loved her, she said she is going to change and well, I could not verify it later, because I did not password then. When I wanted to break up, she was saying stuff like, "I will never stop loving you", "If you break up, we going to meet on other side anyway"... and said that she is going to kill herself... It was few months ago.

 

I have only seen her on weekends, and it was great time for both of us, but in week it wasn't so good, well for me it was, but sometimes we argued a lot about small things, well I did not bother me so much as her.

 

After some time she called me cried, and told that we going to break up, I was crying aswell and told her to not do it, that I am going to change, well she gave me last chance. After few weeks, she said I did not change and she wants to break up. We broke up, but I went to her with flowers and made a writing on board "Sorry, I love you, Forgive me", and I standed with it in her back window of house, and called her and told her to look at the window, she was suprisied, and she let me come in, we talked, but she said she can't forgive me, so I tried to say goodbye and thanks to her family but then her mother said to us, to give another chance, well she said she is going to think about it and come to my town next day to tell me what she decided, she came by train, I picked her up and we went to Liverpool, we had nice day, it was amazing day to me, she was happy aswell, so she told me she is going to stay but there is few rules (not check on her social media, she can like guys on insta/facebook, and that there must be trust and honesty and love). I said ok, and then we meet next week, and another week aswell, it was good time, we went swimming, spend some time at home, hug, kiss, normal gf/bf stuff. But on 29th of august she was going on vacation, so I have seen her last time on 28th august, it was good as always, we kissed, hugged, had sex, etc... and then I needed to go back to my home at around 21:30, so we had our goodbye, long goodbye, and she supposed to come back on 9th september. She said to me she is going to send me pictures, text me because she is not taking vacation from me, well ok, good.

 

So when she got there, she send me text "I'm there, I love you, Good night", this was last time when she was who I knew, after that she changed. She was sending pictures on public snapchat, but not any to me, not even messages, but she was online. I called her once and told her that I don't feel like boyfriend, she laughed at me, and said she doesn't have time, well I said to her but you have time to go on facebook and snapchat? she did not know what to say, I said to her to think if I mean something to her and tell me at some point, she said ok and this was last time we spoke (voice).

 

Then I did not text her and she did not text me for 2 days, I forgot my password to snapchat so I created new one, to see what pictures she is adding, I sent her invite, but she did not know its my new snapchat, and she wrote "Hi, do I know you?" and she said to me she would never accept invite from someone she doesnt know... so I wrote "maybe" and then I asked her if she has boyfriend I just wanted to see what she is going to say, but well she find out its me, it was 3rd september.

 

She wrote to me on messenger, that its over, our ways split, and " off", then she blocked me everywhere (skype, whatsapp, facebook, instagram, snapchat), and couple days later she started deleting pictures from facebook and instagram, even my comments, everything, I was gone from her life just like that.

 

When she come back, she wrote to me on facebook, If I want my swmimming pants, if she should sent them. I did not read it, so after while she wrote again but not so polite "Do you want those ing pants or I am throwing them away", I said "Throw away"... and that was it.

 

Couple days later I created dating profile, and just checked if she has one, and I found out that she has, just couple days after, she already has dating profile :/

 

And her description said:

 

"I am looking for somebody who is going to treat me like princess"

"I went through a lot.. so I am looking for somebody"

 

Through a lot? She was happy when we seen each other last time, smiling, laughing, having fun... :/

 

She find out I checked her dating profile, so she wrote to me on facebook, to step checking on her, and said that I need to remove her family members from facebook, and all pictures from my facebook which are with her and me .... and said to not contact her again, that was last time I chatted with her.

 

So to make it short, she was happy with me before she went to vacation, on vacation she broke (I know I did stupid thing, but Did I derserve break up like that?), she is so quickly over me.

 

I am very sad, and hurt because every moment with her meant so much for me, even walking together and holding our hands. When I think about this moments, even after 3 weeks, it makes me cry

 

Lot of people tell me that she did not love me, she was just interested/enchanted.

 

Also note:

 

- I was her first boyfriend, and she was my frist girlfriend.

- We lost virgnity together

- I was her first guy she kissed, hugged, hold hands with (of course in relationship way).

- We have been together from Feb to September

- It looked like she loved me so much (she sent me nude pictures, had sex without condoms with me, making album with out picrures, had our picture on desk, made notes after our first dates, was happy when we were going out somewhere)

- She was saying that she wants to have kid with, and I said it aswell (of course in future)

- She wanted to live together in future

- Wanted me to meet all her family from her home country

- Before she went to vacation, she told me that she did list of things she wants in life (dreams), and she has put (make family with me)...

 

How she could just forget about me like that? Everything what was between us doesn't mean anything to her

 

I treated her best as I could, Told her nice words, kissed her, hugged her, kissed her hands, spent all the time i could with her, gave her flowers every week, been genetmen for her - open doors, etc..., listen to her)

 

Before we have been together, she was thinking that she is stupid, ugly, fat, I kept saying to her that she is not fat, that is is beatiful, and I am happiest man to be with her. Some people tell me that I ego boosted her and she thinks she can do better now :/

[ackuric]

Some people say things in the heat of the moment (be it good or bad) that don't necessarily carry any weight...things they don't mean or can't commit to, its sad but its easy to get lost in a moment.

 

There is an expression, " couldn't see the forest for the trees". Kind of how it is when someone falls back on many of their words. They're caught up in the moment, but that moment does not define their entire reality and each proceeding moment.Its a shock to the mind when someone goes back on their words, especially when its a fairly high level of commitment those words were upholding.

[Satu]

snip

I have only seen her on weekends, and it was great time for both of us, but in week it wasn't so good, well for me it was, but *sometimes we argued a lot about small things, well I did not bother me so much as her.

 

 

*"Arguing a lot about small things" isn't a minor issue, or just a blip.

 

It's a major problem.

 

If it carries on long enough, a breakup is inevitable.

 

If you can't get along harmoniously there's not much point in being together.

 

 

Take care.

[cucumber95]

snip

 

 

*"Arguing a lot about small things" isn't a minor issue, or just a blip.

 

It's a major problem.

 

If it carries on long enough, a breakup is inevitable.

 

If you can't get along harmoniously there's not much point in being together.

 

 

Take care.

 

Well, I don't know if it was 'small' or 'big' things. For me they were painful, she did some bad things to me, which then I questioned her if she loves me, we argued over this, she was saying she does, but it looked different.

[ackuric]

In my experience, if someone does something to you that makes you question their love...you need to come to the conclusion on your own if whatever they did to you is worth leaving them, or worth working out. Questioning someones love is a huge drawback and will lead to the demise of any relationship if it goes on long enough.

[cucumber95]

In my experience, if someone does something to you that makes you question their love...you need to come to the conclusion on your own if whatever they did to you is worth leaving them, or worth working out. Questioning someones love is a huge drawback and will lead to the demise of any relationship if it goes on long enough.

 

I wanted to break back then, but I have seen that she regreted what she did, we had a talk, and well I decided to not give up on her because she is young, while later it was same situation, and she used to tell me, that "you only love once", "i would never leave you", "we going to meet on other side (as she dies and then we meet in heaven)", well I decided to not leave her.

 

Then I made some things which I should have not (not really bad ones), but still I should'nt done them, and she gave up on me

 

What it looks like to me, she was attracted to me for first few months and then "honeymoon stage" just finished, stopped loving me, but I still love her.

 

She broke in nasty way, I did not deserve that. Everythings she said was lies, she even told me before she broke that she was in "blind love".... hurts me so much, I belived her and now what ?

[DarrenB]

She's still incredibly young. With youth, also comes the attributes of being naive, immaturity and the incapability to understand what is wrong and what is right during an LTR or committed R/S. She is still yet to experience alot of things a mildy-young teenager should experience. I am in your position entirely, age-range slightly younger, but I can still relate entirely. It hurts, I know it does.

 

I understand where your attachments with her lies... first real loves, taking each others virginity, all the big things which you'd expect someone not to just so suddenly take away and leave right? well, it unfortunately happens, even to the best of us. They leave us, because they're confused and just are not simply willing to commit like we are. That is the main reason, she is acting like you had stated. She wants to have options, she wants to explore.

 

Don't ever think for a second, that she did not appreciate what you had together. Don't ever think for a second that she's just decided enough is enough because of you and what you had been doing to aggravate the situation. She loved you, but she did not feel the perpetual affection and love like you so greatly assumed you had together. She had tried, you persevered, it had ended. On another note, they may have all been lies, they may have been half-hearted words, maybe even a sense of unrequited love... but there's no point trying to justify it now. The deed has been done. To most teenagers they use first loves as an experience, then they apply all the common mistakes and how to avoid them into their next, in hope of finding and I sincerely quote, 'the one'.

 

You really do just need to understand and realize the growing process for teenagers, how they still need to develop mentally, emotionally and physically. I mean, you're 21 right? so you should know what it's like, on a level. First loves are the hardest to get over, why wouldn't they be. But you cannot deny that the inevitable has happened; as far as first loves go, they very rarely last indefinitely. The best you can do now is completely move on, and if in the near/distant future she returns, you can then decide on a future between the two of you.

 

Lastly, don't do anything hasty, please don't. The age difference is very immense here, so anything you do to 'try and win her back' will reflect completely badly on you. You do not want that. Let her grow, let yourself heal. Time will pass, so shall this. You will find someone, to the equivalent of her, maybe even alot better. Someone alot older or your age hopefully.

Edited September 30, 2016 by DarrenB

[Satu]

snip

She broke in nasty way, I did not deserve that. Everythings she said was lies, she even told me before she broke that she was in "blind love".... hurts me so much, I belived her and now what ?

 

*Now you get on with your life, and make it a good life, even though she isn't in it.

 

Cry your tears and rage against fate if you must, but don't let this stop you moving forward.

 

 

Take care.

[cucumber95]

She's still incredibly young. With youth, also comes the attributes of being naive, immaturity and the incapability to understand what is wrong and what is right during an LTR or committed R/S. She is still yet to experience alot of things a mildy-young teenager should experience. I am in your position entirely, age-range slightly younger, but I can still relate entirely. It hurts, I know it does.

 

I understand where your attachments with her lies... first real loves, taking each others virginity, all the big things which you'd expect someone not to just so suddenly take away and leave right? well, it unfortunately happens, even to the best of us. They leave us, because they're confused and just are not simply willing to commit like we are. That is the main reason, she is acting like you had stated. She wants to have options, she wants to explore.

 

Don't ever think for a second, that she did not appreciate what you had together. Don't ever think for a second that she's just decided enough is enough because of you and what you had been doing to aggravate the situation. She loved you, but she did not feel the perpetual affection and love like you so greatly assumed you had together. She had tried, you persevered, it had ended. On another note, they may have all been lies, they may have been half-hearted words, maybe even a sense of unrequited love... but there's no point trying to justify it now. The deed has been done. To most teenagers they use first loves as an experience, then they apply all the common mistakes and how to avoid them into their next, in hope of finding and I sincerely quote, 'the one'.

 

You really do just need to understand and realize the growing process for teenagers, how they still need to develop mentally, emotionally and physically. I mean, you're 21 right? so you should know what it's like, on a level. First loves are the hardest to get over, why wouldn't they be. But you cannot deny that the inevitable has happened; as far as first loves go, they very rarely last indefinitely. The best you can do now is completely move on, and if in the near/distant future she returns, you can then decide on a future between the two of you.

 

Lastly, don't do anything hasty, please don't. The age difference is very immense here, so anything you do to 'try and win her back' will reflect completely badly on you. You do not want that. Let her grow, let yourself heal. Time will pass, so shall this. You will find someone, to the equivalent of her, maybe even alot better. Someone alot older or your age hopefully.

 

I am not going to win her back, she blocked me mostly everywhere, but there is couple of ways I could contact her, but I won't, she said she doesn't want me to contact her, so I am going to respect that.

 

When I read your message, I was crying, because this is so true, I know she is young, and it is my fault taking is so serious, I know she needs to grow, experience life. I really belived that we have something special, that our love is going last forever, maybe because she is my first Girlfriend which I truly love?

 

Thanks for support guys, it is easier every day, but when I think about past with her, I just can't stop crying, because I know it's gone forever.

[ackuric]

I know how it feels my love story is similar to yours and ended the same way, (she blocked me out of her life) and I am still grieving the loss of her, and her two dogs. (lived together for 3 years)

[cucumber95]

I know how it feels my love story is similar to yours and ended the same way, (she blocked me out of her life) and I am still grieving the loss of her, and her two dogs. (lived together for 3 years)

 

I don't know if it is better or worse, that you lived with her, I did not live with my ex-gf but well it is harder for you because you shared more time together but on other hand you had this expeirence to live with her, which I did not :/

 

It is really hard, I rarely cried before I got into relationship, maybe once a year? now I am crying every few days... This relationship meant so much for me... But well we learn things all the time, in next relationship I won't commit so much at the start. But I am just affraid that I am not going to find girl like her, she was mostly perfect for me, beatiful in her own way, caring, lovely... I just miss her so much, I would give anything to just see her from far away, and look at her all day.

[cucumber95]

Well I was reading this thread "http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/528951-real-life-stories-statistics-second-chances" and I found this

 

"Me and my ex known as S. We were together in 2000 to 2004 with a 17 month break up. FB etc did not exist yet. I moved on and moved away. She almost married someone else. I got back with her by going to her house and knocking on the door. She opened the door. We had one more good year together (Then her family from an ethnicity which has been known for honor killing moved her and her child who looks allot like me moved away and broke contact again for years. I get a picture every once in a while.) "

 

What do you think about that? What if I did something like that to my ex-gf (which lets say, broke up 1-3 months ago), just go to her house and knock and see what happens? Is something like that worth trying to get her back?

[ExpatInItaly]

I really think a big part of the reason you're taking this so hard at the moment is because she was your first girlfriend. You have nothing else to compare her to, so it's hard for you to see that there are better matches waiting for you.

 

As a few others have pointed out, arguing a lot is a sign of a bigger problem. It's not a small thing. Sure, the topics of the arguments themselves may not have been serious, but the mere fact that they often devolved into arguing is a bad sign. Again, I think with time and more dating experience you will see that this type of discord means the relationship wasn't all that healthy.

 

Add in the fact that she is still very young and immature and you have a recipe for an short-lived relationship. She has no idea what real love even is yet. And that's normal at her age. Yes, she spouts off all kinds of idealistic phrases about love, but at that stage of life, there isn't a lot weight behind them. She doesn't have the life experience to support them yet.

 

Feeling sad is normal. Let yourself feel it. Keeping it in will only delay your healing. But also keep in mind that she won't be the last love of your life either. You can use this as an opportunity to polish up your dating filter so that you're more selective in the future about which girls you date.

[cucumber95]

I really think a big part of the reason you're taking this so hard at the moment is because she was your first girlfriend. You have nothing else to compare her to, so it's hard for you to see that there are better matches waiting for you.

 

As a few others have pointed out, arguing a lot is a sign of a bigger problem. It's not a small thing. Sure, the topics of the arguments themselves may not have been serious, but the mere fact that they often devolved into arguing is a bad sign. Again, I think with time and more dating experience you will see that this type of discord means the relationship wasn't all that healthy.

 

Add in the fact that she is still very young and immature and you have a recipe for an short-lived relationship. She has no idea what real love even is yet. And that's normal at her age. Yes, she spouts off all kinds of idealistic phrases about love, but at that stage of life, there isn't a lot weight behind them. She doesn't have the life experience to support them yet.

 

Feeling sad is normal. Let yourself feel it. Keeping it in will only delay your healing. But also keep in mind that she won't be the last love of your life either. You can use this as an opportunity to polish up your dating filter so that you're more selective in the future about which girls you date.

 

Well I did not know what love is too, until I met her, now I know I am really in love with her, I would do anything for her. It's like I knew her only for 7 months, but what I was felling is like I knew her for lot longer, we were just so connected, but well it looked that she felt same (she was saying it). She was just too young for me to build serious relationship, it was fun time with her ,well one of best moments in my life, I will always remember her, and I will always feel something for her.

[DarrenB]

I am not going to win her back, she blocked me mostly everywhere, but there is couple of ways I could contact her, but I won't, she said she doesn't want me to contact her, so I am going to respect that.

 

When I read your message, I was crying, because this is so true, I know she is young, and it is my fault taking is so serious, I know she needs to grow, experience life. I really belived that we have something special, that our love is going last forever, maybe because she is my first Girlfriend which I truly love?

 

Thanks for support guys, it is easier every day, but when I think about past with her, I just can't stop crying, because I know it's gone forever.

 

You're wrong. It's not your fault. Your fault for loving someone and committing to someone who struggled to give it back? not at all.

 

You've given and done all you could. You've helped her experience life on many different levels. She should be grateful. Of course you will feel that way for your first 'true' love. Like I say, no-one said they'd be easy, they're probably one of the more harder B/U to get over, that you'll experience in your entire life.

 

I'm glad it's getting easier for you, honestly. When you personally feel ready again, go out and meet someone else. Like I say also, maybe someone a little more closer to your age; more mature and who has already experienced the finer and hardships in life. There's nothing better than being with someone who has the same ambitions and mindset than you.

[Nowty V]

Personally, I would hate an ex to do that to me.

 

I would find it an infringement of my liberty that placed an uncomfortable obligation upon me. [to deal with an unexpected visitor + emotional headrush]

 

If your ex wanted to reach out to you they would.

 

If they haven't, they don't want to.

 

I would seriously advise against this course of action.

[cucumber95]

I won't do this, I was just curious what some people think about something like that. Thanks for you reply.

[cucumber95]

You're wrong. It's not your fault. Your fault for loving someone and committing to someone who struggled to give it back? not at all.

 

You've given and done all you could. You've helped her experience life on many different levels. She should be grateful. Of course you will feel that way for your first 'true' love. Like I say, no-one said they'd be easy, they're probably one of the more harder B/U to get over, that you'll experience in your entire life.

 

I'm glad it's getting easier for you, honestly. When you personally feel ready again, go out and meet someone else. Like I say also, maybe someone a little more closer to your age; more mature and who has already experienced the finer and hardships in life. There's nothing better than being with someone who has the same ambitions and mindset than you.

 

Thanks. Sometimes I think "what if I met her when she would be more mature, older?, maybe then it won't end like that?", but well everything happens for reasons, and yes when I am ready, I will look for someone closer to my age, but you see I was looking for somebody who was mature, but then I started chatting with her, and it was amazing, she was so interesting, we chatted a lot, like we knew each other for long time, so I was thinking about her age, but then decided to give it a go, I don't regret it, because I had good time with her, and I am very thankful for her that I had chance to be in her life for some time.

 

Thanks again for support, it helps me a lot.

[Craig Schwartz]

I would say go for it. Every action you take is an expression of your character. Revealing someone his or her true feelings (even if it is just for you to get it off your chest) cannot be a wrongdoing in my opion.

Bare in mind that you will one day regret the things you have not done. Making mistakes makes us human.

[cucumber95]

Craig Schwartz, yes you are right. I could regret this in future, what wrong can happen if I visit her? Of course If I will visit her constantly and she would not like it, then it is bad, and I could in problem, but once? She broke by text, I did not even had chance to speak to her from breakup :/ But she has dating profile already, does it mean she doesn't feel anything anymore to me? Well I guess only way to find out would be to visit her.

[Blanco]

Craig Schwartz, yes you are right. I could regret this in future, what wrong can happen if I visit her?

 

Well for one thing, she's 17, which I would assume means she still lives at home. Were I in the parental role, I wouldn't take kindly to someone my theoretical daughter dumped showing up at my home, unannounced and uninvited.

 

It's over. She's 17! She's got plenty of future ex-boyfriends to meet. Don't obstruct that.

[cucumber95]

Well for one thing, she's 17, which I would assume means she still lives at home. Were I in the parental role, I wouldn't take kindly to someone my theoretical daughter dumped showing up at my home, unannounced and uninvited.

 

It's over. She's 17! She's got plenty of future ex-boyfriends to meet. Don't obstruct that.

 

Well her mother sent me message on facebook when my gf broke up, that maybe someday we will meet again Her family liked me a lot, her 7 year old brother even cried when she told him that he will never see me again

[Blanco]

Still, don't. She's 17.

[cucumber95]

What do you think if I would do this when she would be 18? and of course if she would be single?

[Blanco]

My point was less about the legality of the situation and more about the fact that at her age, 7 months is a pretty standard relationship length. You don't really think that at her age, she's had her final relationship, do you?