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Breadcrumbs or not ??

starlit

By starlit
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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starlit Member

starlit

Posted
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Hey !!

 

My ex boyfriend broke up with me few weeks ago. After that time I did all mistakes possible (like crying, begging, pleading, texting all the time). Now I have been in no contact for 15 days.

He has already contacted me, but I didn't reply. Now it is harder because he sent me a long message that he is worried about me, because I am no responding. He said that he is sorry for what has happened and that there is a lot to talk about. He will understand if I don't want to talk to him anymore but would like to know at least if I am fine. He is literally begging for a reply.

 

In general I have no problems with NC but feel horrible not texting back if I know that he is worrying :(

 

Should I ignore or send a short message that I am ok ?

 

What do you think? Are his words just breadcrumbs and should I wait for a real words from his heart that he wants me back ?

 

thank u guys!!

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Deadmeat Established Member

Deadmeat

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I've done the same tactic as your bf when I felt like I wasn't in cobtrol. It's his way of keeping tabs. Don't reply.

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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OP,

Do not, repeat do not, break NC.

 

You need this time to heal.

 

NC isn't a way to get him back it's a way to protect you and your heart.

 

If he'd really wanted you he wouldn't have broken up with you.

 

Don't play his game - please x

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starlit Member

starlit

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I've done the same tactic as your bf when I felt like I wasn't in cobtrol. It's his way of keeping tabs. Don't reply.

 

hmmm... you make it even harder.

Is there a possibility that he will still contact me again ? Even if I ignore sth like that ? I feel really bad and confused. I want him back, but he has to understand a lot...

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starlit Member

starlit

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OP,

Do not, repeat do not, break NC.

 

You need this time to heal.

 

NC isn't a way to get him back it's a way to protect you and your heart.

 

If he'd really wanted you he wouldn't have broken up with you.

 

Don't play his game - please x

 

I am trying so bad to use this time to heal, it is my purpose. Really enjoying my time and taking care of myself, but his message made me sad. I can't imagine hurting him... :(

I am scared that if I ignore it, he will never contact me again or hate me.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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These aren't breadcrumbs. He probably is genuinely worried about you, but it doesn't appear he wants you back. (I know I've been worried about an ex after we broke up because he took it so hard). Your ex probably also wants to reduce his own guilt.

 

I'm not going to tell you to stick firmly to no contact like the other posters. I'd be more inclined to send a message of "I'm fine. Please do not contact me again". If he responds to that, ignore the messages.

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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starlit,

You're not thinking straight, sorry.

 

I am scared that if I ignore it, he will never contact me again or hate me.

 

But you don't want him to contact you, do you? You're done aren't you? That's what he wanted when he finished with you.

 

And who cares if he hates you. Why does his opinion matter? :confused:

 

Stop thinking about him and concentrate on you. Love yourself, heal yourself and move on to a guy who really wants you. You deserve that. :)

 

And please block him off your 'phone. Getting his msgs is allowing him to rub salt in the wound.

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starlit Member

starlit

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That's what I am thinking as well, that he is really worried. It is in general a good guy. But yes he did hurt me... I am not 100% sure if I don't want him back. Problably I do...

I know that I can't think stright right now that's why I am asking you guys for help. I am very sensitive woman, who did a lot of mistakes fighting for love. I don't want to be wrong again. I just want to make him realize that HE did the mistake.

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Deadmeat Established Member

Deadmeat

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That's what I am thinking as well, that he is really worried. It is in general a good guy. But yes he did hurt me... I am not 100% sure if I don't want him back. Problably I do...

I know that I can't think stright right now that's why I am asking you guys for help. I am very sensitive woman, who did a lot of mistakes fighting for love. I don't want to be wrong again. I just want to make him realize that HE did the mistake.

 

He is not GENUINELY worried. That's the story he tells himself because you aren't contacting him. As far as you're concerned he's dead and you need to heal. Only when you are fully healed will it be okay to text him again.

 

If you feel he really is genuine I'd keep the reply short and curt. Block him afterwards.

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starlit Member

starlit

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He is not GENUINELY worried. That's the story he tells himself because you aren't contacting him. As far as you're concerned he's dead and you need to heal. Only when you are fully healed will it be okay to text him again.

 

If you feel he really is genuine I'd keep the reply short and curt. Block him afterwards.

 

Thanks. I blocked him on my phone, but he still contacted me through my second mobile. Last time (the long text) it was via email.

 

Probably I will answer... Otherwise I will feel bad, last night i couldn't sleep well, but as you said it will be short and simple. Hope it won't be a mistake.

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smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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I'll tell you what will happen - you reply, he replies, you do it again, inside you feel all good and happy, remembering the past... then he stops and goes back to living his life. You're back at square one wishing you never ate at those crumbs.

 

If someone, an ex, really wants to contact the person they dumped, then they'd do it much better than a simple text or email. Come on. You know full well that if you were desperate to contact a loved one, it wouldn't be a text.

 

Don't bite and stay strong. As someone who has eaten those crumbs in the past, it's a pointless exercise and truly only sets you back, full of regret.

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starlit Member

starlit

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I'll tell you what will happen - you reply, he replies, you do it again, inside you feel all good and happy, remembering the past... then he stops and goes back to living his life. You're back at square one wishing you never ate at those crumbs.

 

If someone, an ex, really wants to contact the person they dumped, then they'd do it much better than a simple text or email. Come on. You know full well that if you were desperate to contact a loved one, it wouldn't be a text.

 

Don't bite and stay strong. As someone who has eaten those crumbs in the past, it's a pointless exercise and truly only sets you back, full of regret.

 

Yep I know i did it... I fought for this love for a long time.

I blocked him almost everywhere and moved out of the city.

Ok I will try to stay strong !!

Edited by starlit
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starlit Member

starlit

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Guys I need help !!

I replied shortly, that I am fine and wish him well.

 

He replied, asking why am I acting like that ? And if we can meet and talk...

I would like to stay calm but I can't ... I am scared :(

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Guys I need help !!

I replied shortly, that I am fine and wish him well.

 

He replied, asking why am I acting like that ? And if we can meet and talk...

I would like to stay calm but I can't ... I am scared :(

 

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He knows you're OK so now he needs to accept that you are moving on. It's time to block his phone number.

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starlit Member

starlit

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If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He knows you're OK so now he needs to accept that you are moving on. It's time to block his phone number.

 

but he wants to meet and talk...

Satu Established Member

Satu

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Guys I need help !!

I replied shortly, that I am fine and wish him well.

 

He replied, asking why am I acting like that ? And if we can meet and talk...

I would like to stay calm but I can't ... *I am scared :(

 

*What is it that you're scared of?

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starlit Member

starlit

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*What is it that you're scared of?

 

I am scared of being hurt again and that I will be weak talking to him :(

Of course I want him back, but I have no idea if seeing him after 2 weeks is a good decision.

NCmav Member

NCmav

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I am scared of being hurt again and that I will be weak talking to him :(

Of course I want him back, but I have no idea if seeing him after 2 weeks is a good decision.

 

 

What you have to remember is this "no contact" thing shouldn't be a game to get someone back. It should be used to let yourself heal.

 

 

Ask him what his intentions are in meeting up. Anything less than "to talk about us" and ignore it. Focus on yourself.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I am scared of being hurt again and that I will be weak talking to him :(

Of course I want him back, but I have no idea if seeing him after 2 weeks is a good decision.

 

Unless he's said otherwise, he doesn't want you back. Now that he knows you're ok, he just wants you as a 'friend' so that he doesn't feel bad about hurting you.

 

Make it clear that your terms are boyfriend or nothing. If that makes him sad, it's his tough luck.

 

He can have you in his life - but it's going to be on your terms or not at all.

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smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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You're too addicted to him to make clear decisions and that's why you should maintain no contact and focus on your life.. not his!

 

However, it's clear that despite everything we've said, this is a journey that you've got to take on your own, so I wish you well. I believe that you're heading to be more hurt, but sadly when we love someone, it's so hard to simply let go. Sometimes we just have to see things through to the bitter nasty end that deep down we know is coming. I only hope this isn't too bad for you but at least gives you the strength to start living your own life rather than a fantasy one.

 

Good luck.

  • Like 1
aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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Sweetie, you REALLY need to toughen up here. I get you're all emotional and stuff but, you're not in control, he is.

 

You should of ignored him to force his hand. Trust me, if his intentions were to get back together with you and he couldn't reach you via text or phone, he'd of come to your place an knocked on the door to tell you.

 

Since you didn't do this, text him back and ask him specifically WHY he wants to meet. Make him spill his guts. If it's to meet you so he can see you cry, stroke his ego and tell him how awesome he is, then hell no.

 

Don't let him play you like a piano which is what he's doing. If he won't commit to meeting up to talk about getting back together, then tell him no thanks and ignore future contact. If it is to get back together, ask yourself what has changed that you'd consider this to only get dumped again shortly down the road. You broke up once, you'll break up again.

  • Like 3
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starlit Member

starlit

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Hey guys!

 

I am back just to give you a quick view at what happened.

Thank you once again for all answers!! (I would like to apologize for my english as well, I know that I make mistakes but it is not my mother tongue).

 

You were right that I shouldn't have written back. Anyway I did :/ It all end up that he wants to meet but in November. He is busy with his master thesis at the moment...For me it only shows that he doesn't care.

 

For 5 days I have been in NC again,it is hard but I have to stop being so attached to this man :(

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