CryForNoOne Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 (edited) Last night I had a date from hell with a friend who won't stop pursuing me. She's a really cool person but I just have zero interest in her romantically and she won't take no for an answer. I met her a few months ago and went on one date and then told her I just wanted to be friends. We hung out one other time and I stupidly got drunk and we made out for a little while but then I stopped things from going any further. I decided that group events were the only way to continue the friendship. A few weeks ago she invited me and a mutual friend to a comedy show. She suggested we grab dinner beforehand. Sounded safe enough. Naturally my friend cancels a few days before, I should have backed out then, but decided to be polite. When I show up for dinner she's wearing a tight black one piece dress - obviously dressed to impress - and already ordered a bottle of wine. During the comedy show she keeps trying to hold my hand referring to me as her date. While taking her home, she goes all out and starts giving me a blow job on the freeway. I stopped her before she finished and pulled over and told her it's not going to happen no matter what. She said OK and I dropped her off. Now this morning she messages me on Facebook telling me she left her cell phone in my car. She doesn't have a car so she asked me if I could drop it off for her at her work and she'll buy me dinner (she's a server/bartender). I think I need to drop the phone, refuse dinner, and go no contact. She's a really fun person to hang out with but I don't want a relationship with her and she seems bat***** crazy. I considered a casual relationship just for sex but now I'm scared of her. Did she leave her cell phone in my car on purpose? Edited September 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~T 1
Gaeta Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Of course she left her cell phone in your car on purpose. Put your big boy pants on, bring her phone back and leave. No lunch, no nothing. Then terminate all contact with her and block her number and block her on FB. It's as simple as that. If she goes out of her way to speak to you like show up at your home or use a different number to call you than tell her you will call the authorities if she doesn't understand the meaning of no. 3
Ami1uwant Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 I'm confided...how did she even get to the point of giving you a blow job... You could have been polite and let her finish..... 5
Zahara Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 - I stupidly got drunk and we made out for a little while but then I stopped things from going any further. - she goes all out and starts giving me a blow job on the freeway. I stopped her before she finished and pulled over You keep giving her signals that it is okay to bust boundaries. I mean, you stopped her after she was nearly finished blowing you but you couldn't stop her from unzipping your pants? With someone like this, they'll read into your signals and run with it. Stop hanging out with her. Block her from your phone and social media. Leave her phone with the receptionist. 2
SammySammy Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 I can't imagine leaving my phone anywhere on purpose. She may have, but I doubt it. Regardless, you need to cut all ties with this woman if she bothers you so much. Give her phone back and go radio silent. Total no contact. 1
Buddhist Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Well okay, if you leading her on with a make out session and then letting her give you a BJ makes her bat***** crazy, I wonder what your definition of sanity is. I think you should go no contact because so far you've given her some reason to think she might get somewhere and it's time to stop giving that impression. :roll eyes: Unrequited affection does not make someone insane, it's just unfortunate. You're scared of her? Really, so far she's done nothing more than express unwanted interest in you. That's it. Your words don't line up with your actions so she's paying attention to your actions. 3
lana-banana Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 (edited) You make out with her, let her hold your hand and don't actively correct her when she says you're on a date, accept at least some degree of sexual favors and are STILL slightly considering the possibility of a FWB relatiomship, and she's the crazy one? I'm not saying what she's doing is okay. It's not. But it's not that crazy, especially if she's under 25, and it's very easy to say where she's being confused. She doesn't get it because you don't get it. As soon as you saw her in that dress you had a responsibility to make it clear that it wasn't a date and it wouldn't ever happen. But you dodn't, because you (are probably) young and making a lot of stupid mistakes too. Find someone to deliver her phone. Explain you can't be friends and don't have any contact, not even random texts or social media messages, unless you're in a group. And for both your sakes just leave her alone. By the way, none of this applies if you're 30 or older. At that point you would both be criminally immature. Edited September 29, 2016 by lana-banana 1
preraph Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 He has told her no and he stopped the BJ, so anyone with a lick of sense knows if he won't even take a BJ, he REAllY isn't interested. If you were to reverse the gender roles here and this was a man doing this to a female in the car after being told no twice, it would be date rape. I fault him, yes, because he had sex with her and women just can't wrap their head around the concept that that does not necessarily mean he's attracted to her. To most women, they think, Yes, he's attracted to me! He had sex with me. They don't maybe understand that he might have had sex with a post if she hadn't been handy. I fault her most though because he's told her no and now he has stopped the BJ, which should be really humiliating for her, but noooooooo, she's still scheming how to get him alone. You need to leave that phone at the receptionist desk where she works and see if there's any way to delete your number off there first. And you are going to have to stop trying to be friends and just block her from all your social media and phone and everything. She has no pride and no boundaries apparently. 2
smudge21 Posted September 30, 2016 Posted September 30, 2016 Sorry but seriously... she gave me oral sex and I couldn't stop her. Be honest, you wanted it. Deep down, you like the attention, like the moments things get steamy, but you just don't want anything more. Unless she's four times the size of you and armed to the teeth, I fail to see how you could not stop her from going further with you. It's funny too that there's been many posts that could be written from her point of view - this guy takes me out, we make out, he lets me blow him, etc etc, yet he's distant and I'm not sure what he wants... Stop confusing the situation and make it clear where you stand and what you want (if you honestly know). We make our own reality and you're 50% responsible for what is happening here. Cut all contact but do it with respect. You say she's crazy, but you've fed that crazy, so see things from her point of view and say goodbye in a way that you'd want to hear. Finally, get a stronger zip.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 30, 2016 Posted September 30, 2016 Last night I had a date from hell with a friend who won't stop pursuing me. She's a really cool person but I just have zero interest in her romantically and she won't take no for an answer. I met her a few months ago and went on one date and then told her I just wanted to be friends. We hung out one other time and I stupidly got drunk and we made out for a little while but then I stopped things from going any further. I decided that group events were the only way to continue the friendship. A few weeks ago she invited me and a mutual friend to a comedy show. She suggested we grab dinner beforehand. Sounded safe enough. Naturally my friend cancels a few days before, I should have backed out then, but decided to be polite. When I show up for dinner she's wearing a tight black one piece dress - obviously dressed to impress - and already ordered a bottle of wine. During the comedy show she keeps trying to hold my hand referring to me as her date. While taking her home, she goes all out and starts giving me a blow job on the freeway. I stopped her before she finished and pulled over and told her it's not going to happen no matter what. She said OK and I dropped her off. Now this morning she messages me on Facebook telling me she left her cell phone in my car. She doesn't have a car so she asked me if I could drop it off for her at her work and she'll buy me dinner (she's a server/bartender). I think I need to drop the phone, refuse dinner, and go no contact. She's a really fun person to hang out with but I don't want a relationship with her and she seems bat***** crazy. I considered a casual relationship just for sex but now I'm scared of her. Did she leave her cell phone in my car on purpose? The bolded part is something that sounds like a male fantasy of what a woman that's really into you would do. Just doesn't sound plausable at all.
Author CryForNoOne Posted September 30, 2016 Author Posted September 30, 2016 She tried but I never let her hold my hand and I'm not considering FWB. I told her last month I don't want a relationship and at most we'd have casual sex. She said she was OK with that but kept on saying creepy ***** like "I'm going to make you fall in love with me." so I ended the make out session and have avoided being alone with her since. And yes she is criminally immature as she's over 40. I take responsibility for allowing this to get out of hand but I certainly did not initiate nor even encourage it. You make out with her, let her hold your hand and don't actively correct her when she says you're on a date, accept at least some degree of sexual favors and are STILL slightly considering the possibility of a FWB relatiomship, and she's the crazy one? I'm not saying what she's doing is okay. It's not. But it's not that crazy, especially if she's under 25, and it's very easy to say where she's being confused. She doesn't get it because you don't get it. As soon as you saw her in that dress you had a responsibility to make it clear that it wasn't a date and it wouldn't ever happen. But you dodn't, because you (are probably) young and making a lot of stupid mistakes too. Find someone to deliver her phone. Explain you can't be friends and don't have any contact, not even random texts or social media messages, unless you're in a group. And for both your sakes just leave her alone. By the way, none of this applies if you're 30 or older. At that point you would both be criminally immature.
Author CryForNoOne Posted September 30, 2016 Author Posted September 30, 2016 To be clear, our first date was a date but afterwards I told her I only wanted to be friends. There was no physical contact. On second occasion, she came to one my gigs and bought me dinner afterwards. She walked me to my car and started kissing me. I should have stopped her but I didn't and regret that. She wanted to go home with me but I said no and have been very clear that I do not want a romantic or sexual relationship. I have never slept with her and never will.
Author CryForNoOne Posted September 30, 2016 Author Posted September 30, 2016 The bolded part is something that sounds like a male fantasy of what a woman that's really into you would do. Just doesn't sound plausable at all. Maybe that's why I didn't stop her right away. And it's not that implausible. A girl I dated several years ago did the same thing on a second date but that time the desire was mutual...
preraph Posted September 30, 2016 Posted September 30, 2016 She sounds like this pushy stripper I saw in action on a tour bus once (only the stripper was young). The singer is who would bring the strippers on, but one of the guitarists didn't want any part of them. She wouldn't leave the guitarist alone. He and I were visiting, but despite that he was sitting with a woman, she was unfazed and kept just trying to get on him. She was real drunk or something too He finally told me he was going to have to go in the back to get away and he went through the door and she pushed her way in behind him, and he had to push her back out forcefully and slam the door in her face. When you said she came to a gig, to me, it kind of clarified what is probably going on here. Some women get real pushy going after band guys, as I'm sure you know. I'm not judging here because just like women, a guy has the right to change his mind. He saw some red flags and he knows something is off with this woman because any normal person would have gone away at "no" the first time and then certainly would have cleared out after being told "get off me." I realize you probably won't be able to keep her out of gigs, so probably time to assign a roadie to keeping her away from you. But you're going to have to block her and tell her you want nothing more to do with her via text just in case she won't stop and you'd need a restraining order OR she tries something retaliatory. Put it in writing you told her go away and keep that text or email.
kendahke Posted September 30, 2016 Posted September 30, 2016 (edited) She walked me to my car and started kissing me. I should have stopped her but I didn't and regret that. This seems to be a recurring theme with you and this woman. She keeps on doing something that you claim you should have stopped but didn't. You're sending mixed messages. If you don't want to be bothered, then drop her phone off at her job with the receptionist, as Zahara suggested, block her and stop placing yourself in close proximity to her. You cannot be friends with someone hellbent on making you their lover. She doesn't want to be your friend. She wants to be your woman, your lover. Edited September 30, 2016 by kendahke
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