Ronni Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 If I said to my partner "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and when you ask her she pauses for a second and says "of course I do, but we cannot guarantee the future as we don't know what could happen" If I asked her "Do you think you will get fed up?" And she replies "We don't know what can happen in the future, we can't guarantee it and we can't say its for certain." What does this mean? She is right in what she says but do we really want to hear that?
smackie9 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 What she says is common sense. We all know that even if we say we want to spend the rest of our lives with someone, it shouldn't be taken as a promise, because things can change the course of the relationship. She may have been burned in the past and feels it's just better to take things one day at a time. Getting married should never be taken so lightly. 2
Versacehottie Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 She is either extremely pragmatic or she doesn't want to jump that far into the future with you. Doesn't mean she doesn't want it to happen or that it won't but she is trying to pace things, be in the moment and not over promise. I would add that this is a thing that guys are more typically prone to do so of course it could also mean that she doesn't see a future with you or is much more uncertain that there will be one/having doubts. And there is the ever-present game-playing response, she is saying that so that YOU don't turn around and freak out bc you think you have her all locked up. Makes you want her more and her more in the control position. It's all speculation so I wouldn't freak out. Just keep your eyes open. Good luck
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 I can only speak for myself since I've said something similar. When I've said something like this it basically means that I don't necessarily see a future with my partner the way he does and I'm basically preparing him to just enjoy what we have while we have it rather than hang his hat on anything that has to do with "forever". Maybe we will end up together forever but maybe not and I just don't want to hear about it for whatever reason. Rather focus on here and now. It doesn't mean I don't care about him or don't want to be with him but it also doesn't mean that I see us getting married and growing old together holding hands while rocking in matching rocking chairs on the porch. Then again, sometimes it means exactly what it implies, that I've got one foot in and one foot out and we're basically dating with an expiration date you might not be aware of. :/ Moral of the story? If someone is responding in such way to a comment like that, it a good bet it isn't very promising. 1
mikeylo Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 She is right in what she says but do we really want to hear that? ^^^ this Maybe she was thinking out loud.
smackie9 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 If you have been dating for a couple of years, it's not going to happen. If you have been dating for like 6 months, it's way too early to be talking marriage. 2
preraph Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 If I said that it would mean I am going to follow my own path and that our paths may diverge because I am not ready to just get on your path with you. I agree with the others that if it's early and not a couple years old relationship, it's just too soon. If it's an old relationship, she just thinks you're not going the same direction ultimately.
katiegrl Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 If you have been dating for a couple of years, it's not going to happen. If you have been dating for like 6 months, it's way too early to be talking marriage. Agree and OP if you asked her this within first six months to a year, she is smart for responding that way. Many men tend to go overboard in early stages, talking future, you're the one, never felt this way... etc. Way too soon and she is slowing you down, bringing you back down to earth, which again is smart! As smackie said, if it's been a couple of years, then you're not it and she most likely does not see a future with you. 1
carhill Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Moral of the story? If someone is responding in such way to a comment like that, it a good bet it isn't very promising. Yeah, while it is impossible to read minds, such a response, especially in the limerence period, would be concerning, especially if any legal commitments were involved. My advice? Accept the real. OP, if the response works for you in the now, it does. If you want to hear your partner wanting you the same way you express and she doesn't, then accept that too. Weigh its importance with other aspects of the relationship and move forward.
Gaeta Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 "of course I do, This is her heart speaking but we cannot guarantee the future as we don't know what could happen" This is her head speaking. Some people are more cerebral than others and can kill something romantic without being aware of it. She takes her 'forever' seriously that is all. 4
SoThatHappened Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 sometimes it means exactly what it implies, that I've got one foot in and one foot out and we're basically dating with an expiration date you might not be aware of. It means what's quoted above... dollar to a donut she's got one foot out the door, just needs that next guy to give her a push.
Miss Peach Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 FWIW I said something similar to my XBF who at the time I said that I thought I could marry but wanted more time with him to be sure.
basil67 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 I feel exactly the same as your partner. It's for this reason I will never marry again - how can we promise 'forever' if we don't know what the future will bring? I've been with my partner for nearly 25 years. I don't have one foot out the door, and nor do I predict anything ending us. But I'd be foolish to think that mutual promises mean that nothing could break us. I don't see anything wrong with her telling you her beliefs regarding relationships. Would you rather not know how her mind works?
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