spaceraider234 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 (edited) I've been dating this guy for just over 3 months, we really hit it off and get on really well, spent a lot of time together he said how hes never met someone like me before and says hes never got on with and had so much in common with someone else before. He hasn't been in a proper relationship for 7 years but hes been involved and dating women since then. I'm 23 and hes 29. On my birthday about 2 weeks ago he took me out to dinner and he payed for us to stay in a hotel and he got me a ring and asked me to be his girlfriend and that it was so obvious to him that we should be together. I said yes and we were both very happy. For him to want me to be his girlfriend when he hasn't wanted to make anyone that for 7 years was a good feeling. However around a week ago (just around the time i noticed one of his ex lovers follow him on instagram) He started to not call me, be very short in texts and not making any effort to make conversation with me. I haven't seen him for 4 days and before he always wanted to see me and would always ask but nothing. So last night when i had a few drinks and plucked up the courage to ask him how he felt about me as he had been acting very distant with me. He asked, do you want a boyfriend? I said why and he messaged back saying because it seems like you don't. I said how do you feel about me and he said I think your stunning and cant wait to see you again. I said why do you think I don't want a boyfriend? If you don't tell me i cant help. He said I just thought id ask, I could say the same to you you've been distant with me (admittedly I have as he has been very short with me over messages)I messaged him saying Well you cant communicate with me so whats the point, you know how i feel about you but I cba for games. He messaged me this morning saying How do you feel about me because I don't think you've ever said, maybe if you let me in i would know etc etc. Hes just taking very long to reply and he doesn't seem interested in the conversation. I don't know if hes started talking to his ex again since she followed him I have no idea why hes acting this way I just have a gut feeling hes not interested but just wont say anything. Hes just changed and I’m not sure why, do I leave him to it? Edited September 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merge threads
Arieswoman Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 OP, Why not just pick up a 'phone and just ask him?? 1
Toodaloo Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Read about the 5 love languages... His seems to be verbal and he needs to hear you compliment him and tell him that you love him and why you love him... He obviously doesn't know and feels unloved. So if you do love him start speaking his language!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Unfortunately, he is thinking about his ex. It seems random for him to ask you if YOU want a boyfriend. His head is spinning with possibilties and conflict...but, in any case, he IS thinking about his ex. 1
Buddhist Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Leave him to it. No-one here can get into his head and tell you the cause of this and in any case if your fears are true then there is nothing you can do about it anyway. Leave him to sort it out in his own head first and then worry if there is something to worry about. It sounds like he's conflicted and pushing for a conversation about it now will only aggravate whatever is going on. 1
Bialy Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Cold feet. Also: He went overboard on your birthday. Dinner, overnight at a hotel, and a ring... and you two have only dated for three months?! That's crazy with a Capitol K. 3
elaine567 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 However around a week ago (just around the time i noticed one of his ex lovers follow him on instagram) He started to not call me, be very short in texts and not making any effort to make conversation with me. I haven't seen him for 4 days and before he always wanted to see me and would always ask but nothing. Seems too much of a coincidence... 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 This doesn't sound good at all. He went over-the-top on your birthday and now is questioning if you want a boyfriend? Unless you're an overly closed person or didn't express gratitude and happiness for his birthday gestures, this is an excuse. I'm going to go with the others who say he's got cold feet. 1
Author spaceraider234 Posted September 29, 2016 Author Posted September 29, 2016 This doesn't sound good at all. He went over-the-top on your birthday and now is questioning if you want a boyfriend? Unless you're an overly closed person or didn't express gratitude and happiness for his birthday gestures, this is an excuse. I'm going to go with the others who say he's got cold feet. He rang me just and said you don't like to ask me to do things do you, which I never have tbh its always been him and hes never told me he has a problem with it until he mentioned it, and wanted me to ask to see him today and he said yeah but after reading these replies not sure if I want to...
ExpatInItaly Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Well, do you ever initiate? Or do you always wait for him to do so? It's possible he has a point if that's the case.
Gaeta Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 He went all the way out for you for your birthday than you fell a change. I don't think it has anything to do with an ex following him. Before accusing him or someone else you have to check your own behavior. To me it sounds like your boyfriend got fed up with initiating, paying, and be the one planning everything. Have you come forward with plans for both of you? Have you ever treated him? Do you initiate communication? Do you participate/initiate at least 50% of time in the activities of this relationship? 2
Redhead14 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 (edited) I've been dating this guy for just over 3 months, we really hit it off and get on really well, spent a lot of time together he said how hes never met someone like me before and says hes never got on with and had so much in common with someone else before. <snip> A woman needs to reciprocate and initiate sometimes at least. In the very beginning, like after 3 dates, the woman can and should start doing a little more initiating otherwise the guy feels like he's doing all the work and not getting enough from her to feel secure. It sounds like you're still operating in the "early dating" stage. By 3 months in, you should be calling him and setting up getting together too. You let 4 days go by and never reached out to him -- call, ask to see, etc? He took a very big step in asking you to be his girlfriend and then you just sat back and waited for him? You gotta show him something too you know. So now, the ex is in the picture after he's taken a leap for you without much in the way of, let's say, real appreciation and mutual display and 4 days go by, he's had time to feel like maybe he made the wrong decision. How do you feel about me because I don't think you've ever said, maybe if you let me in i would know etc etc. -- He's basically telling you that you haven't been doing enough to show him that you're serious enough about him. The guy shouldn't have to do everything. It's feels one-sided and iffy when that happens. You need to sit down and have a nice, real, conversation with him about your feelings and listen to each other. Take him out for dinner or make him his favorite meal and talk to each other in a quiet setting. Edited September 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit quote 2
smackie9 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 There might be the reason why he is still single after 7 years. He pours his heart out, and gets insecure because he expects more. I agree this has nothing to do with the ex, and everything to do with you and his perspective. To correct this is to get this ex crap out of your head and reassure him you are in it for the long haul.....that might be all he needs... About the ex, I bet money on it he is going to her for advice not rekindling any feelings. 3
Gloria25 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 There might be the reason why he is still single after 7 years. He pours his heart out, and gets insecure because he expects more. I agree this has nothing to do with the ex, and everything to do with you and his perspective. To correct this is to get this ex crap out of your head and reassure him you are in it for the long haul.....that might be all he needs... About the ex, I bet money on it he is going to her for advice not rekindling any feelings. Agreed. .. Don't walk away from this guy...RUN!!! The guy who left me for the town skank? In three months he said ILY, and while I think I'm a great chick, it was too soon. I didn't respond with ILY. I told him that I like him, I wanna be with him. Boy oh boy, let the games begin... He started playing games to make me jealous. One night on guard duty he said he was going out with "girls" and I was like "ok, cool", and he didn't check in with me later...so, I go to see him and some nasty skank was there and he and her thought it was funny. He was like 'we can talk about it later'. Come to find out that nasty skank gave him bjs. Long story short, he always fell fast for Hispanic women. Last I heard he married a Colombian chick only after knowing her six months. He was controlling and insecure, but his exwife before me, the town skank, the Puerto Rico girl and probably now the Colombian girl played him for a fool while I tried to make up for not saying ILY in three months. So, leave this fool alone. Sorry, he's probably cheating on you and is acting all Don Juan, but is a lying creep. 1
deep_night Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 yeah, it sounds like not great news... i think he may be having second thoughts or noticing some kind of incompatibility. and im saying this because of the things he asked/told you. i agree that he may think u're not feeling it as much as he is. OR in the beginning he may have thought that u were just shy, but suddenly he may have realized that this is your personality. maybe he's turned off by that. but maybe it has nothing to do with you! maybe it's him having feelings for someone else and trying to erase some guilt by shifting the blame to you.
spiderowl Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 It is hard to know what is going on, but I do think at some point guys (and women) start to wonder where a relationship is going. If they feel they are doing all the work and initiating, they might wonder if you feel the same about them. Unfortunately, if both start getting insecure at the same time, you can end up with both backing off and waiting for the other to show they are really keen. I don't know if that is what is happening or not. Has he been asking you questions recently which could be about commitment, like telling you he's not seeing anyone else and waiting to see if you reciprocate, or generally trying to find out whether you see him as someone special or just a guy you are dating? These are things to think about anyway. If you are loving and encouraging and he still backs off and appears to disconnect more, then he may be opting out.
gorf Posted September 30, 2016 Posted September 30, 2016 On the other hand, he might have had a great time with you.. and its a case of "too good to be true" he is feeling, so now he is questioning you. More like confirming.
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