Not sure

[ChicaLunar]

Two months ago, I hooked up with a guy from work. He had persued me for a while and I liked him, so after refusing many times I ended up hooking up with the guy.

 

I knew he had a GF, and that's why two weeks later, when he texted to hook up again I said no. I'll be honest with you, I just didn´t want to be Nro. 2, I want to be #1. So I told him to talk to me if he's ever single in the future.

 

I guess didn't really liked this at first since he sort of ignored me for a while. I called him out on it -felt there was really no need for awkwardness, both adults here-, and though at first his response was truly hurtful, he chased me when I left to say he had misunderstood my text, that was going through a rough couple of days, but that everything was perfectly fine between us.

 

I appreciated that, since I was hurt by his first response.

 

Next day, he was persuing me again (wtf?) He gives me this "look" when he thinks I look good, or smiles at me when nobodys watching. He even goes out of his way to take one last look at me before walking into another room.

 

I really like his attention, it's flattering. And plus, I super like this guy. I am in the middle of a divorce, so probably a fling wouldn't be a bad thing since it gets my mind off things.

 

One day, It was my ex husbands birthday and we'd been fighting through texts for days so in order to stop focusing on this horrible and nasty fight, I kinda texted this other guy I like.

 

It was a dirty text. I said "I want you to be single so we can ****" (english is not my native language, but that's the general idea of what I said). I remember I originally wrote "I want you to break up with your GF" but then changed it for "I want you to be single.

 

He never replied, but was supper happy and flirtasious from then on. He even says super dirty things to me when we're alone and I don't know how to react, I usually just loose my thread of thought and go blank.

 

It's not that I don't like it, it's just that If I respond, we'll end up in bed. And I don't want sex every now and then.

 

I dont want this flirting to end, it's super fun. And I don't want to be his GF since I JUST got divorced like 4 months ago. But I have like no idea what to do. I don't want him to consider my a booty call. I don't even get why he flirts if it leads nowhere. Like NOWHERE. He flirts, smiles, talks dirty, etc but doesn't seem to be actively trying to sleep with me. Is it just for fun? Is he stringing me along? What is he doing? And what should I do???

[smudge21]

You need to decide what you really want - one moment it's no, then next you're considering a booty call with this guy. Your responses to him are clearly not direct enough to let him know that you're not interested, but why would they when you are actually interested. If you want this situation to change, then you need to change it. Stop trying to work out why he does this or that, more likely he's just seeing you as a fling and is enjoying these playful games... which so are you.

 

So to answer that question of why is this guy acting like this, well, because you are too. If you really want to sleep with a guy who's in a relationship then that's your call but surely you can find someone better than this. I worry that you may fall for him further and that will lead to you back here upset as to why he's run back to his girlfriend and was only using you for sex... but then again, when someone dates a person who's willing to cheat I think they only have themselves to blame.

[basil67]

Where does his girlfriend fit into your plans?

[hippychick3]

Find someone who is single.

[Zahara]

He has a girlfriend. How would you feel if someone did this to you?

 

You said he isn't actively trying to sleep with you. That is because you told him to go be single. But he's hoping that enough of flirting and getting you hot and bothered will have you wanting sex again.

 

Plus, why would you even want to be with a douchebag like this? Sign up on a dating site and go get your fill of single men.

[smackie9]

You are an adult, you should know what he is doing. He just wants a cookie on the side and has no intention of breaking up with his GF. You don't want to be a booty call? well you were, and that's all he wants. So my advice is to drop him, and ignore his advances.

 

You want someone to date? There are plenty of dating sites to choose from to find what you are looking for.

[ChicaLunar]

Thanks for all your messages. I guess all of you are right in one way or another. Clearly, his GF is in the equation since I am not sleeping with him.

 

It's just not that easy to drop him. Not only he is the first guy I slept with after YEARS with my ex husband, but plus, we work together. That means I see him every day, and he flirts ALMOST every day.

 

I haven't texted him in like a month or so, I'm trying to be firm with this "single or nothing" thing. He hasn´t texted either to be fair, he just has these sneaky flirts at work, which I admit, are fun.

 

I just wish he would break up with her, but there's nothing I can do about it really.

 

Dating apps are not really popular in my country, only tinder and that's to get laid basically -just telling for those who recommended them-

[Zahara]

I just wish he would break up with her, but there's nothing I can do about it really.

 

Who cares if he ends the relationship with her. He's a douchebag if you don't think he won't do the same thing to you.

 

Dating apps are not really popular in my country, only tinder and that's to get laid basically -just telling for those who recommended them-

 

How is this any different? Harsh but to him you are just a lay.

[Satu]

snip

I really like his attention, it's flattering. And plus, I super like this guy. I am in the middle of a divorce, so probably a fling wouldn't be a bad thing since it gets my mind off things.

 

After reading that, I think you really deserve each other...