I want to change!!

[brittani]

What can i do???

 

 

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little while now, and i love him very much. But sometimes the way i act towards him isn't the way he should be treated. i don't realize it until everything is said and done! He's not so perfect neither, but i let my insecurity, and low-self-esteem get in the middle.

 

I always want to be with my boyfriend, and you would think i would want to go hang out with my friends instead, but i would rather hang out with him. i get mad when he tells me we are going to hang out, but then when we both get off work, he says i'm going to just go hang out with my friends, and that frustrates me. Even though it shouldn't b/c i see him pretty much everyday.

 

For example, yesterday i called him and he said he was going to eat and then call me. well i wait about thirty minutes, and call my friend Mystee, and tell her i'm just going to head over there, well about that time my boyfriend pulls up. (Mystee's brother and my boyfriend are good friends) i called him and was kinda mad. i shouldn't be though, i'm sure he would have called me, it just makes me wonder if he was going to wait hours to call me, and thinking i was just going to wait.

 

Maybe i can't blame him, he probly thinks i am going to get all mad if he told me he was just going to hang out with some friends. I know i sound crazy, but if you only knew. My boyfriends friends he hangs out with aren't angels. they my boyfriend don't ever do anything stupid or pill, until he's with them. i have been hurt in the past and am terrified of being hurt again. I am very insecure

about myself,and have a really hard time trusting him. he don't deserve to be treated like this.

 

I really want to change, i need help, any advice will help me right now!

[RecordProducer]

You're clingy, that's all. It's not a fault itself, I would say it's rather a combination of circumstances that encourage a particular personal trait to open up. So you need to close it.

 

The best way to change anything about yourself is to fake it 'till you make it. Set yourself a date until which you will not nag him about ANYTHING. Then set more dates sequentially until you feel comfortable in your "new skin." Once you feel how great it is to be relaxed and kind, you will think twice before you get mad at him.

 

Fill your time with activities you need or want to do. For example if you planned to visit the hair dresser while he is in gym, just schedule it regardless of his plans for the day. In that way you will realize that you can have your own time that he won't complain about and you will be more understanding about his space.

 

When he tells you that he will do something without you, just say "okay, have fun... talk to you/see you later." No matter how much your stomach turns around when he wants to spend some time without you, you simply must give him the chance to miss you and let him breathe. The more you support him in spending time without you the more he will want to spend it with you.

 

This was a general advice though. As to this particular boyfriend, I think you feel that he is not really that much into you as you're into him. That's why it hurts you that he wants to spend time without you. You think he is not as dedicated to the relationship as you are. You might be right, you might be wrong. In any case, you have no right to demand that your lover spends more time with you unless he shares the same desire. If you depend on him emotionally too much, it will turn him off with time. The more cheerful and relaxed you are in the relationship the more chances for you to stay together longer. You should show him that you have a personal life apart from him also and that he is not always the center of your universe.

[brittani]

Thank you for your advice, it really helped be out. i went and hung out with my friend yesterday and he was calling me asking if i'm still going to be there and he wanted to hang out with me! it was crazy. thanks