Why relationships fall apart so easily

[LookAtThisPOst]

This article is very spot on...

 

Why Modern Relationships Never Last

 

I read through it all, and had picked up some topics that were posted about on this site. The whole technology aspect, instant gratification, lack of loving unconditionally, finding the BBD, and so on.

 

Apparently, nothing’s worth our time and patience – not even love.

 

It's come to a point where people simply do not know HOW to love.

 

This stuck out like sore thumb...

We’d rather spend an hour each with a hundred people than spending a day with one. We believe in having ‘options’. We’re ‘social’ people. We believe more in meeting people than getting to know them.

 

We date a lot of people but rarely give any of them a real chance.

 

Indeed true.

 

We’re a generation that calls itself ‘sexually liberated’. We can tell sex apart from love, or so we think. We’re the hook-up-break-up generation. We have sex first and then decide if we want to love someone.

 

Sex comes easy, loyalty doesn’t. Getting laid has become the new getting drunk.

 

All of what is written is so true. Nation of commitment phobes and flakes.

[basil67]

While the author makes a few good points, the fact that he writes in absolutes and sweeping generalisations completely blows away his credibility.

 

The post gets a thumbs down from me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

While the author makes a few good points, the fact that he writes in absolutes and sweeping generalisations completely blows away his credibility.

 

The post gets a thumbs down from me.

 

Where are these so-called generalizations? Please explain. Your post makes no sense.

[Buddhist]

Actually this has happened throughout many points in history in many different societies. It's a sign of a decadent society thats in decay. Not a new thing.

[basil67]

Where are these so-called generalizations? Please explain. Your post makes no sense.

 

That would be starting each sentence with "We" - as in referring to everyone. If he used sentence starters such as "Many people" or "Some people" or "More people are increasingly starting to", then I've give him credit.

 

There are many people who don't behave as he describes.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Actually this has happened throughout many points in history in many different societies. It's a sign of a decadent society thats in decay. Not a new thing.

 

Okay, name a "point in history" that social media existed via the Internet? Did it exist in the 1800s? Nope.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Okay, name a "point in history" that social media existed via the Internet? Did it exist in the 1800s? Nope.

 

-The earliest known form of woodblock printing came from China dating to before 220 A.D - Wiki (arguable credibility)

 

Earliest form of social media? Signs..........

[LookAtThisPOst]

-The earliest known form of woodblock printing came from China dating to before 220 A.D - Wiki (arguable credibility)

 

Earliest form of social media? Signs..........

 

Now you're just splitting hairs dude.

 

Okay, back on topic. The jist of this article points to the reason why the "Nice guy" or girl, struggles when it comes to dating. The article points out that though the mundane is something to be accepted in are relationship, most in the world despise it. They just want "thrills" in their lives, and nothing more.

 

The immorality of sleeping around is attractive, but short-lived. If a relationship gets somewhat boring, they bail. If you can't offer being interesting 24/7, you're not worth dating.

 

This probably explains why the more old-fashioned people that still exist today struggle when it comes to dating because they always are running into these people with adult thrill seekers that don't want the responsibility that comes with a relationship.

[Shanex]

I somewhat agree with the author, especially on the 'tap it and quit it' dating/hookups scene he describes.

 

However I am interested in the reason we so quickly dispose of someone we date without looking back, it's a sad state of affairs right? We can't handle a flaw, someone being late on the date, someone with a handicap, someone who's a mommy boy...

 

I don't want to veer off too political but I agree that its a sign of decadence of a whole civilization. I am guilty of it too, would be married with 3-4 children otherwise. Looking around me, my friends are either 30s childless video games/Netflix geeks, or married with 2-3 children, all of them being from very different backgrounds.

 

I believe there has always been life long bachelor's and bachelorettes. But even more so today. A good chunk of the population is trying to hookup and content with that, the other are faithful and willing to reproduce.

[Imajerk17]

While the author makes a few good points, the fact that he writes in absolutes and sweeping generalisations completely blows away his credibility.

 

The post gets a thumbs down from me.

I agree. Too many absolutes. Even the title has a "Never".

 

Yes, dating today can be challenging indeed. However it was also challenging 'back then', for a different set of reasons. Meanwhile, people all around us are still meeting, getting to know, and falling in love, sticking together through good times and bad. So if the author was referring to everyone w his frequent use of "we" (which someone usually is when they use 'we' like that), then he is incorrect.

 

I'm not a fan of articles like these because they tend to perpetuate victim thinking: "I struggle w {dating, career, whatever} because the world is so tough and no one can succeed. See? The Article says so!"

Edited September 29, 2016 by Imajerk17

[WomenWubber]

In general relationships are no longer a necessity. Unlike in the past, if you get tired of your relationship you can just leave. Also even though a lot of people still get married, divorce is on the rise.

 

Personally I don't see the appeal in staying with one person during a lifetime so I'm glad things are trending the way they are now.

[Shanex]

Personally I don't see the appeal in staying with one person during a lifetime so I'm glad things are trending the way they are now.

 

Most people my age I know are into serial monogamy, even those who married later, had a girl every now and then, never cheated.. but eventually grown tired of them or were dumped.

 

I don't think we are all a generation of harlots, it's just that divorce has become far more acceptable, and not even seen as a necessity. If you are not going to be married or have children, you might as well vary your taste (or after you eventually divorce.)

[basil67]

Okay, back on topic. The jist of this article points to the reason why the "Nice guy" or girl, struggles when it comes to dating. The article points out that though the mundane is something to be accepted in are relationship, most in the world despise it. They just want "thrills" in their lives, and nothing more.

 

The immorality of sleeping around is attractive, but short-lived. If a relationship gets somewhat boring, they bail. If you can't offer being interesting 24/7, you're not worth dating.

 

This probably explains why the more old-fashioned people that still exist today struggle when it comes to dating because they always are running into these people with adult thrill seekers that don't want the responsibility that comes with a relationship.

 

Like the author, I think you're exaggerating how many people are guilty of this. I'm surrounded by people of all generations who take relationships seriously and know that it's not always exciting.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

I'm not a fan of articles like these because they tend to perpetuate victim thinking: "I struggle w {dating, career, whatever} because the world is so tough and no one can succeed. See? The Article says so!"

 

I cannot even see how "victim thinking" is even taken into account here. Should I just go along with the rest of the hook-up society and not work at a marriage or dump someone when the going gets tough or if I get bored of someone, I go and find someone who entertains me until THAT person also bores me, too? Or continue to flake on friendships/relationships, cancel plans and inconvenience my friends at the last moment and so on?

 

I refuse to associate with these people if they behave in such a fashion, I've actually written a few out of my life because of this. And this is not at all being considered a "victim" because of it. I simply refuse to be a part of it, which I am doing and just hope I come across someone that is reliable and loyal to me in life.

[carhill]

It appears the author, a quite prolific young Indian male, has penned many articles on relationships, often from the perspective of his Indian culture, one which still embraces many traditional styles, including arranged marriage. IMO, good example of one perspective on the milieu of relationships from a personal interpretation of the current dating culture juxtaposed against one's own norms and culture.

 

I ran into this a fair amount when young, being indoctrinated in a married for life family and a conservative religious outlook on relationships and marriage. Ha, ha, then life in the modern world happened and that was 35-40 something years ago. What's old is new again.

 

I think my exW got it just right for the demographic and times, moving from one marriage and relationship to another, growing her own brand over time and gaining personal satisfaction from the process rather than any one person.

 

To the extent relationships fall apart, it's because people choose them to. Why they choose is as individual as each person. The author covered some general points from his experience and observation.

[Imajerk17]

I cannot even see how "victim thinking" is even taken into account here. Should I just go along with the rest of the hook-up society and not work at a marriage or dump someone when the going gets tough or if I get bored of someone, I go and find someone who entertains me until THAT person also bores me, too? Or continue to flake on friendships/relationships, cancel plans and inconvenience my friends at the last moment and so on?

 

I refuse to associate with these people if they behave in such a fashion, I've actually written a few out of my life because of this. And this is not at all being considered a "victim" because of it. I simply refuse to be a part of it, which I am doing and just hope I come across someone that is reliable and loyal to me in life.

 

Actually it's the opposite. Many kind, loyal people looking for a lasting relationship are sticking to their principles and are finding just what they were looking for. I think that you should keep looking for what YOU want, and in the meanwhile, you should keep cultivating being kind, true to your word, and upfront with people (great and attractive qualities in a person.)

 

Meanwhile, we all need to keep working on our weaknesses and blind spots, we all have them. You have been advised already on here bunches of times how you could change up your approach (and NONE of the advices suggest not being kind to others, or not being true to your word, or not being loyal to people).

 

Meanwhile, you should not take the musings of someone who says that you can't find happiness looking for true love "because of the world today" (which is what we mean by "victim thinking"), because that just isn't true.

Edited September 29, 2016 by Imajerk17

[LookAtThisPOst]

Actually it's the opposite. Many kind, loyal people looking for a lasting relationship are sticking to their principles and are finding just what they were looking for. I think that you should keep looking for what YOU want, and in the meanwhile, you should keep cultivating being kind, true to your word, and upfront with people (great and attractive qualities in a person.)

 

Meanwhile, we all need to keep working on our weaknesses and blind spots, we all have them. You have been advised already on here bunches of times how you could change up your approach (and NONE of the advices suggest not being kind to others, or not being true to your word, or not being loyal to people).

 

Meanwhile, you should not take the musings of someone who says that you can't find happiness looking for true love "because of the world today" (which is what we mean by "victim thinking"), because that just isn't true.

 

 

And, like you, stand by what I think is true and that I think it is NOT victim mentality. Since we're polar opposites on the matter, we shall agree to disagree.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

Why they choose is as individual as each person. .

 

It's selfishness pretty much.

[carhill]

Yes, selfish, the the exclusion of selfless, can be one 'why'. Selfish looms large in the human psyche. How it manifests depends on the person. One aspect of it can relate, in general, to the concept of the whole, the community, the partnership being, or not being, more important than any of the parts or the sum of them. In general, I find more and more disconnection in the world. Not in a cruel or mean way, rather indifferent. IMO that can take its toll on relationships, including romance.

[xxoo]

This stuck out like sore thumb...

We’d rather spend an hour each with a hundred people than spending a day with one. We believe in having ‘options’. We’re ‘social’ people. We believe more in meeting people than getting to know them.

 

We date a lot of people but rarely give any of them a real chance.

 

Indeed true.

 

I think dating has become artificial since OLD, and that has changed the dynamics. You don't really know if you are interested in this person at all until you meet, yet the first meet is a "date".

 

Back in the old days (90s and before), you meet people through friends, flirt and click with someone, and then ask them on a date. If they say yes, they already know that they want to go on a date with you. So the first date is more likely to be enjoyable and successful.

 

People still do that, of course. But people also do the OLD a lot, and the two "dates" aren't equivalent. How much of a chance should people give someone who annoys, bores, or repulses them the first time they meet?

[Buddhist]

Okay, name a "point in history" that social media existed via the Internet? Did it exist in the 1800s? Nope.

 

Social Media is nothing more than the gossip vine, celebrity and look at me nonsense. It has always existed, this is just the first time it's existed over WiFi. Do you really think all of this is a new invention? Before the internet people used to go to social gatherings rather than sit in their bedrooms with an iPhone in hand, and do exactly the same thing. Pose and prattle on about nothing.

 

The world is not decaying because of the internet. That's like saying aqueducts brought down the Roman Empire. Societies decay because they get to a point where pure ego becomes the driving force behind it and then it implodes. That has happened perpetually since the dawn of time.

[Offspring]

Back in the old days (90s and before), you meet people through friends, flirt and click with someone, and then ask them on a date.

 

Yes. I miss this. I've recently just seperated from somebody who wanted 100 friends and to continue with meetups, whereas i was happy to get to know this person and return to my nrmal life. It hurt me that they chose the attention of other people that they did not really know, over me, but c'est la vie.

Edited October 2, 2016 by Offspring