What is the deal with men wanting to corrupt innocent females?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Helives, sorry but reading through your thread it leaps out at me that you're ripe for an affair even though you may not acknowledge it. There are two things that make me believe this. One is that you have or had problems with your husband and the other is that these stories you've been listening to at work have piqued your interest and you want to ' Sow your wild oats' so to speak. Since you had a sheltered up bringing and have had no ' experience' per se of the ' Pleasures' out there, you would like to, maybe unconsciously, make up for it. All you have to remember is that you have to set your boundaries. Warm wished.

[Helivesforme]

I'd rather just be single even though I wouldn't actively looking. But my husband tells me not to give up on our marriage. Not to give up on us. I feel like I may regret leaving him since he is such an honest loyal man, that I have helped to shape. It's like all my hard work, time invested was all for nothing, now some other female is going to reap the benefits.

[2.50 a gallon]

Up front, in my younger years I was a womanizer. Sex was one of my favorite activities. I was not married, hoped to marry some day, but in the mean time, the world was full of beautiful women and I set out to kiss as many as I could.

One of the things that I learned early, was what you might call corrupting women. I found that when one of my partners had had mostly vanilla sex, that if I opened their eyes to things they had never tried, that they quite often came away with a new attitude of sex is fun, and we would end up in a FWB relationship.

Or to put it another way they became a great source for sex.

[elaine567]

I'd rather just be single even though I wouldn't actively looking. But my husband tells me not to give up on our marriage. Not to give up on us. I feel like I may regret leaving him since he is such an honest loyal man, that I have helped to shape. It's like all my hard work, time invested was all for nothing, now some other female is going to reap the benefits.

 

Read this - Letting Go of Sunk Costs

You justify “riding a loser” or getting stuck on what you already have because you fear that walking away would mean that you wasted your time or money, you made a mistake, people will now say, “I told you so”, or you will then conclude, “I must be bad at making decisions because this one didn’t work out”. If you recognize any of this in yourself then you are suffering from commitment to sunk costs. You are trying to recover your investment by holding onto it because you cannot accept it is no longer working

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[Helivesforme]

He's not a loser, he is a great guy, honest, loyal, hard working, motivated, family oriented, considerate, attentive, caring, affectionate, faithful. And much much more but he wasn't like this whennI first met him. He was a boy and is now a man. He does have some issues but so do I. I know I'm far from perfect and have lots of flaws. He loves me unconditionally, I just feel like something is missing.It is my career advancement.

[Helivesforme]

Yeah, need to stay away from dudes like you.

[elaine567]

He's not a loser, he is a great guy, honest, loyal, hard working, motivated, family oriented, considerate, attentive, caring, affectionate, faithful. And much much more but he wasn't like this whennI first met him. He was a boy and is now a man. He does have some issues but so do I. I know I'm far from perfect and have lots of flaws. He loves me unconditionally, I just feel like something is missing.It is my career advancement.

 

It is not really about whether he is a loser or not that was not the point of the article it is about recognising that when something is not working for you you need to let it go and not get hung up on the past.

 

Say you buy a big house in the country, you spend the next 20 years putting money into it, and it looks fantastic. BUT you also spend 2 hours on a commute every day, all your friends are in the city and you never get to see them as you are either working or commuting or maintaining the property and you spend all your spare cash on the property too.

You would be far better off living in the suburbs or down town in an apartment, but because you are so invested emotionally and financially in the country house you cannot let it go, even if it is to the detriment of your own life. That is a sunk cost

[stillafool]

There's something that bothers me about this concept of "corrupting innocent women". That's not so say that naïve people can't be taken advantage of, but we all have agency and free will. We all make choices and willingly accept the potential consequences of those choices.

 

 

We may be "targeted" at times, but we are free to step aside and out of the way.

 

I agree. At the first sign of disrespect you are always free to step away from that person instead of staying for more. We all have common sense and free will.

[Helivesforme]

This is true, I just thought that males and females can be mature adults and have conversations about adult topics without either one having ulterior motives. That's all. Because sometimes a male may want a females point of view and vice versa. I didn't see it as then trying to get info from me or about me personally.

[Just a Guy]

Now that was a bubble that you were living in. Glad it burst as it had to sooner or later. Lady unrelated men and women give off pheromones when they are in close contact. That gets the attention of both of them and a purely platonic interest changes rapidly to a sexual one especially if both of them have axes to grind with their respective partners. Just a fact of life.

[SoleMate]

If you continue to engage with the crotch-sniffers you're going to cause yourself trouble. You're free to divorce your husband as far as I'm concerned - and perhaps that makes sense as you say you want to be single.

 

But if you really need a new man, do this right: divorce first, manhunting second. Otherwise you end up with the subset of players. My 2c.

[mikeylo]

This is true, I just thought that males and females can be mature adults and have conversations about adult topics without either one having ulterior motives. That's all. Because sometimes a male may want a females point of view and vice versa. I didn't see it as then trying to get info from me or about me personally.

 

The biggest error of your life. Never ever take advice from opposite sex people.The more bitter a medicine, more sugar coated it is. Even from same sex , take it with grain of salt.

 

If you ask from single people, if they are miserable themselves , being single, they will like you to stay single while giving you ' advice' .

 

I've personally never understood the need of opposite sex friends.Except for ruining love life, it doesnt do anything.

[stillafool]

This is true, I just thought that males and females can be mature adults and have conversations about adult topics without either one having ulterior motives. That's all. Because sometimes a male may want a females point of view and vice versa. I didn't see it as then trying to get info from me or about me personally.

 

I don't know if it's a male thing. If you asked me a point of view about yourself or situation I would probably probe into your personal life too and I'm a woman. I think it's only natural for people to be curious when someone asks their opinion about something. It doesn't mean they want sex with them.

[xxoo]

This is true, I just thought that males and females can be mature adults and have conversations about adult topics without either one having ulterior motives. That's all. Because sometimes a male may want a females point of view and vice versa. I didn't see it as then trying to get info from me or about me personally.

 

It doesn't matter what his intentions or motives are. What matters are your boundaries.

 

You let it affect you, and you went back for more. Be honest with yourself.

[eye of the storm]

I work in a male dominated field. Guys everywhere. Most, not all, cheat. But because I have boundaries and I enforce them. I don't have any issues.

 

Guys are telling these stories in your office because you allow it. Guys are sniffing around you because you allow it.

 

Its not men, its boundaries. You do not have them. Figure out what you are willing to accept and what you aren't.

 

These guys are doing what they are doing because they can tell you want them to. Either go along or develop a back bone and put up boundaries.

[planning4later]

Because they think you may be easy prey. Kind of like the woman who takes advantage of an overly naive nice guy financially.

 

Boom. Men and women can both be predators, but in different ways. Unfortunately the financial and emotional type is not considered real and men are just told to man up or suck it up.

[kgcolonel]

I would question the company you're keeping....you'll limit yourself to those predators if you don't change the environment you're residing.

 

Think about it.

[Springsummer]

I work in a male dominated field. Guys everywhere. Most, not all, cheat. But because I have boundaries and I enforce them. I don't have any issues..

 

So sad.......................

 

then maybe their partners should cheat too...to be equal.

 

Now I feel like a loser, because I am very traditional...now, I know no man is worth it.

[eye of the storm]

So sad.......................

 

then maybe their partners should cheat too...to be equal.

 

Now I feel like a loser, because I am very traditional...now, I know no man is worth it.

 

I didn't mean most men cheat, just it seems in the field I work, it is more the norm than the exception. Also a lot of single/divorced people. My current job doesn't lend itself easily to long term relationships.

 

There are good faithful men out there. No need to get all melodramatic " no man is worth it.."

[DKT3]

Exactly, I thought the same thing, if they don't have respect that you're in a relationship or married , they obviously don't have any respect for themselves. Is it also true some men pursue women in relationships because they can just hump them and send them home to their husbands and bfs? No hassle I hear.

 

If you don't respect your husband and marriage why should they?

 

The question should be why are you entertaining their advances?

[elaine567]

The question should be why are you entertaining their advances?

 

Because as a virgin bride she has no experience of being with or even dating other men and has just recently woken up to the fact that her husband is "it" for life and the world is full of sexually available men.

[DKT3]

Because as a virgin bride she has no experience of being with or even dating other men and has just recently woken up to the fact that her husband is "it" for life and the world is full of sexually available men.

 

This is my point, if she wasn't interested it wouldn't matter what their movies are.

[Helivesforme]

I don't entertain their advances. I think it's the challenge that they're into but Im no longer working with the same ppl. I just wanted some insight on why they were doing the things they did So I can catch it and stay away or catch it and let them know I'm not interested in engaging in those types of conversations. I was curious at first but now that I realize not everyone has good intentions I'm going to save myself a lot of trouble.

[DKT3]

I don't entertain their advances. I think it's the challenge that they're into but Im no longer working with the same ppl. I just wanted some insight on why they were doing the things they did So I can catch it and stay away or catch it and let them know I'm not interested in engaging in those types of conversations. I was curious at first but now that I realize not everyone has good intentions I'm going to save myself a lot of trouble.

 

Well since you've had an affair I don't see how this is true

[Helivesforme]

It was more venting. And the urges I had. But never wanted a relationship with the OM. It was more of an escape from reality, the convienence of being able to text the OM and talk about how I was feeling, because I felt he understood me. I was not myself, again it is not an excuse. That was the way I chose to deal with my issues at the time. Obviously it didn't help and only made things worse. I thought the OM could relate because he was going through issues of his own, I was just trying to find a way to distract myself, I was lonely too, since I started graveyard shift.

Edited September 30, 2016 by Helivesforme