What is the deal with men wanting to corrupt innocent females?

[SoulCat]

I mean by introducing me to different things. Like I hear men talk at work, sharing stories about the females they've done and the things they do to females. All I e known is my husband so when I hear them talk about things I e never experienced or even knew about it kinda corrupts my innocence and makes me curious.

 

 

Well, unless you want to quit your job and stay in your home for the rest of your life, without any influence from outside (tv, radio, internet, other people) you'd better get used to having your 'innocence corrupted'.

 

It's called growing up. We've all had to do it at some point in our lives.

 

 

To blanket blame 'men' for corrupting your innocence is frankly ridiculous. If you don't like where their conversation is going, leave the room. Or ask them to tone it down if it bothers you that much.

[Helivesforme]

I don't wanna grow up I'm a toys r us kid. I'm only kidding, I see your point of view, I guess I can't live in a bubble like my husband wants me to, he gets angry and upset when I share some of the stuff that I learned. Which is a part of the reason why he didn't want me getting my promotion because I would be working around more men and hearing more stories.

Edited September 28, 2016 by Helivesforme

[elaine567]

Ma belle, I kinda understand what you're saying but I mean I used to think makes and females can just be friends but my husband told me there's no such thing as "new" friends. That they don't give 2 ****s about you and just want to use you. Hit it and quit it.

 

He is protecting himself by telling you that ALL men are "bad" and that you have to avoid them.

In the same way we tell little children to never talk to strangers despite 99% of strangers being of no danger to little children whatsoever.

We do that to protect our children from the 1% that are out to hurt them yes, but we also protect ourselves from the hurt that would ensue if anything was to happen to them.

 

Your husband wants you to be suspicious of ALL men so that you do not get enamoured by any of them. He is on the surface "helping" you, but he is really protecting himself here.

Not ALL men are duplicitous and want to use you, the trick is to recognise those who are and do, and skilfully avoid them, causing the least amount of friction in the work place at the same time.

[Helivesforme]

Elaine, thank you, your advice makes the most sense. I can see why he tries to protect me. It's like he wants to keep me away from living in reality.

[wmacbride]

I mean by introducing me to different things. Like I hear men talk at work, sharing stories about the females they've done and the things they do to females. All I e known is my husband so when I hear them talk about things I e never experienced or even knew about it kinda corrupts my innocence and makes me curious.

 

Stop trying to blame your life on others, including your husband. Your posts consistently contain blame shifting, and that will not help you in any way at all.

 

No one 'corrupted" you. if you are interested in these new experiences, then what you do about that interest is up to you. If you decide to have an A, then that is on you.

[preraph]

It's not that they necessarily want to corrupt them. It's that young naive women are MUCH more likely to fall for their BS and believe everything that comes out of their cheating mouths. And also they're young and jubilant and carefree because up to now, they haven't been seriously betrayed like this man is about to do to them. Young naive women are easy to fool, and that's why players like them. Plus they're pretty. But always remember if you're young, you're pretty to older people even if not to your peers and that you can do better.

[Helivesforme]

Thank you, well

Said. I appreciate your input and advice.

[wmacbride]

It's not that they necessarily want to corrupt them. It's that young naive women are MUCH more likely to fall for their BS and believe everything that comes out of their cheating mouths. And also they're young and jubilant and carefree because up to now, they haven't been seriously betrayed like this man is about to do to them. Young naive women are easy to fool, and that's why players like them. Plus they're pretty. But always remember if you're young, you're pretty to older people even if not to your peers and that you can do better.

 

Sorry, but the op has been married for 4 years, has been with her husband for 11 and has a child. She works outside the home, and seeing as she posted online, she has access to the internet.

 

That is hardly young and innocent.

 

I know I'm coming off as snarky, but I have a real problem with adult women who refuse to accept responsibility for their actions and choices. It's not the man's fault if she falls for his lines, just as it's not a woman's fault if a man falls for hers.

[Helivesforme]

I hope I'm not coming across as putting the blame. I realize there are certain things that I have control over and some I don't. It seems like this is opening my eyes, to how I have lost control of my life.. I don't blame anyone but myself.. I've allowed myself to turn into someone I don't know all the time.

[Helivesforme]

Just don't want to be a target so learning some of the things these guys look for is helpful. I'm just not going to be an open book, I am friendly and lend an ear but It seems like that's what they target.

[wmacbride]

I hope I'm not coming across as putting the blame. I realize there are certain things that I have control over and some I don't. It seems like this is opening my eyes, to how I have lost control of my life.. I don't blame anyone but myself.. I've allowed myself to turn into someone I don't know all the time.

 

Thank you for taking responsibility. That will put you in a place of power over your actions and stand you in much better stead.

 

There will always be men and women who ae "players" ( for lack of a better word), but that doesn't mean anyone has to fall for their game.

[wmacbride]

Just don't want to be a target so learning some of the things these guys look for is helpful. I'm just not going to be an open book, I am friendly and lend an ear but It seems like that's what they target.

 

In spite of what some people believe, no one can force you to get involved with a man if you don't want to ( unless it's a case of sexual assault, which is a very different kettle of fish).

[Helivesforme]

Sometimes I do feel like an adult with an eighteen year olds mentality as far as relationships go. Since I don't have the experience with dating at all... And all I know is my husband and he is a good man with morals and values... I guess I've given all men the benefit of the doubt but I realize a lot of men are dogs out there. Liars, cheaters that do not have a conscience. I feel like since I was quite shelters growing up, I still see the world sometimes as a safe place where ppl are just honest, and don't have any bad intentions. Yes, I think it's time I see the world for what it is. It is dog eat dog.. Survival of the fittest and kindness is weakness.

Edited September 28, 2016 by Helivesforme

[Osmium13]

If people know you're off the market and would never stray then most blokes would respect that. Yes, there would be the odd "stud" that sees it as a challenge... but most wouldn't cross the line.

 

Without wishing to cause offence, I think you may be slightly naive and putting out signals that you're not aware of? I knew this lovely girl that I worked with who was exactly like that... unless you knew her well you'd think she was flirting all over the place - she was just ultra nice to everybody and had no idea how she was coming across.

 

Not all men are complete gits whose sole intention is to get in your knickers, whatever you might think.

[harrybrown]

You're right I'm an adult and take responsibility but something like listening or having a coversation with co workers I really don't have control over. Sometimes I'm just in the same room, or they see me as one of the guys and just talk about whatever it is in front of me. Not sure if they're talking about it in front of me intentionally to see my reaction or what.

 

of course they want to see your reaction.

 

If you react the way they want, it makes you open to affairs.

[harrybrown]

Ma belle, I kinda understand what you're saying but I mean I used to think makes and females can just be friends but my husband told me there's no such thing as "new" friends. That they don't give 2 ****s about you and just want to use you. Hit it and quit it.

 

Your H is correct about some men. not all men.

 

But you should read "not just friends".

[Gloria25]

I'm not into victim blaming, but IMO, we humans are animal in part...and, it's like the animal kingdom out there.

 

What I'm trying to say is that we all project a vibe and the vibe is often how people treat us on face value until they get to know us. Like if you stand tall, chest up, speak firm, you command respect. If you are meek, slouch, you'll get the contrary.

 

Me? I have to constantly remind people to not take my kindness for weakness. I admit that I have a kind heart. I'm a softy, and at 40, still have people bullying me because how I present myself. Then, when I get pushed, I get ugly and it often scares people. For the past few years I have been trying to figure out how to be firm without being disrespectful to people cuz yea, I'm tired of being bullied.

 

So, maybe consider doing some introspective thinking and try to see if the way one projects themselves is attracting a certain type...cuz bad people ain't going away, like animals, they are also always on the hunt for prey...it's survival of the fittest out there

[SoleMate]

I suggest you stop "lending an ear" and being a "good listener" to "stories and sexual fantasies". Then this problem won't exist.

[Gloria25]

of course they want to see your reaction.

 

If you react the way they want, it makes you open to affairs.

 

True, people are gonna test the waters...so, don't take it personal.

[OneLov]

Idk where you live, but in the US sexual harrassment is a form of discrimination. Any unwelcomed or inappropriate advance or conversation should be immediately reported. IME, the two situations where ppl let it go are either:

1. The person (usually a woman) is not offended AND/OR

2. The person is a welcomed and willing participant in the banter and therefore loses the ability to claim SH.

 

Why are you not reporting it?

[Helivesforme]

They knew I was off the market and not interested but they saw it as a challenge. One of my make co workers asked me if he ever had a chance with me.. He's freaken newly married and a cheater, I told him no, he asked what if he was super loyal? I was like are you kidding? You cheat on your wife and brag about it all the time to our other make co workers..ppl like to test me. I've overheard them saying any women can be cracked. That everyone physically cheats. This was not the case for me and still isn't but I was at an all time low and was so miserable that I started venting and before I knew it everyone knew about my problems, which they saw as an invitation to get into my pants.. A female co worker and some male co workers mentioned that some men see it as an invitation, although it wasn't my intention At the time, I now see it from the outside looking in..

[Helivesforme]

Yeah but they would ask around about me and hear nothing but "she's loyal , she's married. I made it well known I was married and not interested in These other dudes..then when I wanted out of our marriage I started talking to this OM that was having problems in his marriage.

[Helivesforme]

i was depressed and not myself.. I engaged in conversations I shouldn't have engaged in and I kinda lost myself.. Kinda lost control of my life for a bit, didn't really care anymore.. I spent so much time thinking about my failure and putting my dh first.. And him not being able to be there for me this 1 time, I never asked him for anything.. I just wanted to be on my own.. Just wanted to be alone.i stopped concerning myself with the way he felt, because like anyone else, I was always considerate of my dh's feelings, I lived by don't do to others what you wouldn't want them to do to you. I lived by this rule and still do but for a good period of time all that went out the window once I saw I was in a one sided marriage.

[Osmium13]

Am I reading this right? You started venting about your husband to a guy at work? If you need to talk/vent about your marriage to someone and have no trusted friends get counseling. Or at worst, do it somewhere like here where you're pretty much anonymous. Work is DEFINITELY not the place to do it

 

If you start talking about the state of your relationship with a co-worker you might as well throw your pants at him. Seriously. That's as big a "come and get me" as anyone would ever see, especially if they've already tried it on with you!

[Helivesforme]

Lesson learned.. I just thought he could relate. He talked about his issues at home and has filed for divorce. His situation was entirely different.