DKT3 Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 In a recently released survey regarding the reasons why people stay friends/friendly with the ex the results are not shocking. Top 3 reasons for women 1 still emotionally vested in him. 2 feels it was right guy wrong time 3 not fully satisfied or insecure about current relationship. PS reason four is most commonly told to current partner, genuinely platonic friendship. Top 3 reasons for men 1 continued sexual opportunity 2 desire to restart relationship 3 genuine effort to maintain platonic friendship PS men responding say they tell current partner there is no involvement with exes. Thoughts
Got it Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 Can you cite the survey? So women have ulterior motives but men, at least for a percentage, want a platonic relationship? I am female and am friends with my ex. I have no interest in him outside of platonic reasons. We grew up together, he is like a brother, and I like his wife and kids a lot. We stay connected for those reasons but we there is nothing but genuine camaraderie and if a spouse had an issue we would cut ties immediately. But we all hang out together as well as a family. We are also very much open and transparent with our spouses. My husband knows when we talk, text, etc. as we all intermingle together.
Author DKT3 Posted September 28, 2016 Author Posted September 28, 2016 Can you cite the survey? So women have ulterior motives but men, at least for a percentage, want a platonic relationship? I am female and am friends with my ex. I have no interest in him outside of platonic reasons. We grew up together, he is like a brother, and I like his wife and kids a lot. We stay connected for those reasons but we there is nothing but genuine camaraderie and if a spouse had an issue we would cut ties immediately. But we all hang out together as well as a family. We are also very much open and transparent with our spouses. My husband knows when we talk, text, etc. as we all intermingle together. I actually see it a lot different then you. Women didn't seem to want to be in that relationship more of a what if situation which we see played out here all the time... There is no significant difference in the top four for women only three percentage points for. 1-4. Overall platonic friendship was number one since the top two for men didn't make the top 10 for women and the top ones for women scored low for men. I listened to it in the radio during my commute to work this morning and didn't catch who actually did the study. what i found interesting is women tend to be more honest with the current partner about involvement with exes. Again only interesting but not shocking since as I said we see it played out here everyday.
Toodaloo Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 I found this after agoogle search... Oakland experts believe staying friends with an ex is motivated by dark personality traits | Daily Mail Online The quote I found most interesting was... Earlier this year, a study found that men who have facial features which more prominently display display the 'dark triad' of personality traits - Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy. These features include large skulls, solid and defined jaws, angular noses and deep-set eyes. And women who want children, show a clear preference for some of these features because, like natural selection among animals, it indicates strong genes and good mental as well as physical health. So basically the physical attributes for good genes are also for nasty *insert swear word*... Perhaps that is why so many women get fooled... Not because they actually like being treated badly (as so many who complain about women here suggest) but because we are hardwired to look for a mate that is strong and healthy...
BikerAccnt Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 Good God, Some of us remain friends with Ex's because they are good people. Period. I am still friends or acquaintances with many of mine, and in most instances I was the dumper. I dumped the romantic relationship, not the person. 5
Got it Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Good God, Some of us remain friends with Ex's because they are good people. Period. I am still friends or acquaintances with many of mine, and in most instances I was the dumper. I dumped the romantic relationship, not the person. Thank you! I swear, people see boogeymen around every corner. Even when broken up, you usually liked the person before the relationship so doesn't mean just because they aren't "romantic worthy" doesn't mean they aren't platonic worthy. 3
Toodaloo Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Good God, Some of us remain friends with Ex's because they are good people. Period. I am still friends or acquaintances with many of mine, and in most instances I was the dumper. I dumped the romantic relationship, not the person. When I googled it that seemed to be the main reason by a large amount... The comments were that they were decent people just not suited in a romantic relationship...
BikerAccnt Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 (edited) When I googled it that seemed to be the main reason by a large amount... The comments were that they were decent people just not suited in a romantic relationship... I think thats the case in a good majority of relationship endings. This site, along with others like it, tend to magnify the bad endings. The hurt, pain and anquish caused by them. People come here to vent about their hurt. When people leave each other amicably, or reconcile to a friendship, we don't hear about it because, well, they don't post about it. It's rather like sites that review products 9 out of 10 review will be the bad ones, cause when people are satisfied, they don't say anything about it. Come to think of it, that's probably also what causes relationships to get bad. Satisfied, we stop paying attention to them.... Edited September 29, 2016 by BikerAccnt 1
elaine567 Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 Some of us remain friends with Ex's because they are good people. Period. I agree, though I can also see that remaining friends with the ex is a bit of an ego boost for some, especially if they are the dumper. The lack of empathy shown towards the dumpee who is blind-sided, hurting and has a raw wound, perhaps does indicate a darker personality. "You will be my friend whether it hurts you or not, whether you can cope with that or not as I NEED you to be in my life" and "I NEED that ego boost", and "YOU are hurting because you love me so much and I magnanimously will stay in your life, as it feels good to have a besotted person still hankering after me... " Also some absolution of guilt over the dumping - "I cannot be that bad a person, as you have agreed to be my friend, even after I broke your heart" So add in a bit of the desire for "continued sexual opportunity" then it all does sound a bit narcissistic, psychopathic and Machiavellian. The dumpee is being used as a pawn in the game, as opposed to being considered as a living, feeling human being.
sandylee1 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 I agree with you Elaine. If you've dumped someone, just leave them alone. It's like your okay as a friend, but not good enough for more than that. I ended a relationship and he asked if we could still be friends and still have sex, until I met someone else. Just end the relationship part. In my naive 19 year old head I thought that was possible and gave it a shot for a while, but it didn't work. It just didn't seem any different than us being in the relationship and I thought he'd just get false hope. I'm not keen on friends with the Ex and it caused major issues for me and my husband. He was insisting on staying in contact with his Ex and I told him that I'd do 2 things if he carried on. 1. I'd just start emotionally disconnecting from him and leave when the kids got older. 2. I'd start searching out all my Ex BFs to be friends with He couldn't handle number 2. He said by searching them out it was different than the friendship he had maintained. I was having it and said if it was good enough for him, we could both do it. He knows me and he knew I would do it. I'd already declined or ignored friend requests from Exes in the past. I'm really not the person to pull that crap with and have little tolerance for the double standard.
Arieswoman Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Duuuhhhhh. I don't get this. Why would anyone want to be "friends" with an ex ? They are "exes" for a reason. And the reason is that it didn't work out. Now if there are kids involved in the mix that that goes with the territory but I didn't expect a b/f of mine to be friends with his ex. They need to have a civil relationship to make it easier but "friends" - no thanks. That tells me that someone hasn't let go 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 In a recently released survey regarding the reasons why people stay friends/friendly with the ex the results are not shocking. Top 3 reasons for women 1 still emotionally vested in him. 2 feels it was right guy wrong time 3 not fully satisfied or insecure about current relationship. PS reason four is most commonly told to current partner, genuinely platonic friendship. Top 3 reasons for men 1 continued sexual opportunity 2 desire to restart relationship 3 genuine effort to maintain platonic friendship PS men responding say they tell current partner there is no involvement with exes. Thoughts Yeah, there was this woman in my area that had IN her profile, "I've been friends wiht my ex-husband since 2000, and he will continue to be my friend...if you have a problem with it, find someone else." I contacted her and said, "If you're still hung up on him, you may want to save other men on here the hassle and delete your profile." Few days later, her profile disappeared. lol I had a female friend said , "NOPE! Ex's are EX's for a REASON!" 1
Got it Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 I guess it just depends. There are some exes I would never want to be friends with but my ex husband it's like family. We grew up together while we weren't friends for awhile after the divorce, now that we are both remarried and have kids it organically came back around. I don't know, I guess it just depends on the person. I do think if there is any sexual attraction it won't work but if that isn't there then it's like a sister/brother. I will say, if it was an issue for my husband then I would would not be friends with my ex. My husband's feelings mean more to me. Also, we hang out more now with my husband's ex as well. We all went to a family weekend for one of the kids' schools and all went to a game together. I greatly enjoy that we can intermingle things as I know, especially on his side, this makes the kids much happier and their lives easier. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 It works for some people, and doesn't work for others..... There is no right or wrong here... Do whatever makes you the happiest and move on with your life..One doesn't owe an ex "friendship status", even if that is what they want...Nor should they be criticized for it... Same true for the others that do maintain contact/friendship... Its as simple as that... TFY 1
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