Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 Hey everybody, I started dating a coworker of mine (I know, I know, terrible idea) around 3 months ago and we were good friends for about 3 months before that. He's the type of guy that gets extremely invested in a person and I was his first serious relationship since his first ever relationship. We got along great, we talked about our futures, and he always referred to me as his movtivation and that I make him see what he could be. The last couple weeks, however, my mother found out about him and though culturally we are from the same country and everything, my parents don't think he's a good match for me because he doesnt have a degree. My ex himself always brought this up and would tell me he feels he can't stand beside me yet and that he's inadequate for me, I always tried to convince him otherwise because I truly believed that wasn't true. But anyways once my mother found out she was extremely serious about me quitting my job and breaking up with him. We had just gotten so close before she found out and I decided to keep dating him anyway and I would go to work and everything- she thought I was in night class. I never in my life lied to my parents this much, i lied about where I was, who I was with every day and it was starting to get to me. I even told him that if its too much drama for him to be single and he told me that he would handle anything for me. It started to get to me though and I found myself taking it out on him a lot. For starters, he never really was the type to compliment me and he hadnt taken me out on an actual date, these things didn't bother me before because I knew his feelings for me were more genuine than any relationship I had, but it bothered me because of what was going on at home and I would yell at him about the dumbest things. I made him feel like he was a bad boyfriend and made him feel unappreciated. One night out I was drunk and i got into a huge fight with him basically saying why do I put so much on the line for a guy like you and said some mean things, i compared him to a guy he hates and said that guy is a better boyfriend to his girl. This really, really hurt him and my cab home came, we always go home together in the same cab but I told him to take a separate one. He was holding my purse for me and i told him to give me my purse because I was going to leave and he said "If you take this purse its the end of it" and i took it and left. We work together and I didnt see him for 3 days because i dont work on weekends or fridays, and neither of us messaged eachother. I finally saw him on monday and asked to talk, i felt terrible and truly thought we would make up. But he told me he realizes he doesnt want to be in a relationship with anybody, that he needs space. i told him how sorry i was and that i didnt want to lose him but he just repeated himself. I know how inadequate I made him feel and he was already insecure and i just reinforced it by criticising him. I can't help but want him back so badly- I fell for him the week prior to our breakup and I want to know if theres a chance at getting him back? I work with him but ive been giving him space and im hoping to continue giving him space for a month and then initiating contact. He told one of our mutual coworkers what happened and told her "i think its officially done but i just need some time" I dont know what that means and I dont know if I have a shot at getting him back. What do you guys thiink Listen, if the situation were reversed, I'd be telling you to keep moving . . . and I'm tell you that even now. You cannot unring this bell. And, if he did take you back, I'd question the relationship anyway. I wouldn't want a man who accepts hurtful treatment from a woman he's only been seeing for 3 months . . . I wouldn't want a man who accepts hurtful treatment PERIOD. You need to stop drinking if you cannot control your mouth . . . sorry to be harsh, but drinking is not an excuse for bad behavior. You said what was on your mind, you told him the truth. Alcohol is truth serum . . . and a mean one for you. The truth is that he doesn't meet your needs and if you had a clearer, classier head, you would have ended the relationship in a respectful way. Instead of stringing yourself along hoping he would change and bottling it up until it came out in a hurtful way . . .
gaius Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 These guys aren't worth your time. The first one is so douchey and weak that he's scared stupid by your degree and the second one can't even take you getting a little crabby. You should be able to express whatever you're feeling, even if it's critical of him, without him rolling over and pissing himself. These are not men. Just keep looking. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted October 1, 2016 Posted October 1, 2016 After reading what you said about him and he mixing booze with drugs, maybe you should listen to your parents. Wish to God I would have because it would have saved me a ton of heartache a long time ago. They saw something that I didn't see or refused to see and the longer they pestered me about it the harder I tried to prove them wrong. Well once the disaster was over, I admitted that they were right and I was wrong. Lucky for me they just nodded in agreement and didn't browbeat me. The nod was enough for me to realize that they were a bit smarter then me and I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. 1
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