microX Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 Do i have created mess (a lot of) for me in my life? Or is just my fate that is doing injustice to me and unfolding bitter realities to me one by one which i am not able to cope with? Have i really done bad to other or i am the one who is victim here? Why i am alone? or i was so since always and it is just now that i have started realizing it? Or I have just created a new illusion for me. Whatever it is, i don't like it all, I actually hate it. I hate myself even more. I also hate many things and people around me. Do i even like anything..? yes , perhaps the things that don't heart me. ... or at least not doing it to me me for now. What if they will also start doing the same in future. Even if there are things and people i like, why I always feel they alone are not enough for me. ? Why i think what i have lost was most important? Do the ones whom have lost, think same about me? How do i know that. Why i saw dream about them. Why my fears turns into harsh realities every time. I think i have not been able to understand the life, or in perusing this understating, i am actually getting more and more confused and loosing my faith and loved ones one by one. The ones i felt for from the bottom of my heart. Why i was not able to make them happy? Even i wast not why they have not done anything about it? Was they wrong or I am? Why this happens to me? What will happen next? This is a biggest fear for me since always. Now i fear that i am loosing interest even in it. I don't know how i have become what i am and what else i want to be? All i know that people i loved so much, have betrayed me, they dislike me , hate me and not given me or my feelings importance including my siblings and my mother. I donot even have friends. What i will do when i will not have this job. I give up once i don't have courage to do that again. I am totally deteriorated and detracted. Why God is not with me? Why i don't have or not able to develop a strong relationship with God or anyone else? I wanted the total opposite of it and whatever happen with me, just thinking about it is so painful that it is sufficient to blow my mind every time i am alone or free. So id don't give myself time to sit and think. This is very painful. It add more pain and my heart bleed more when i am not able to weep. I t fills pain in my brain and i lose my patient on little things. Where it went wrong??? and what i can do it to make all right again? or it cant be all right again? if not why i am even alive. But if i die this way... i will have no or worse after life. Is God is doing this or I myself is creating this mess. If I am... even then why God is not helping.
Pegellen Posted October 5, 2016 Posted October 5, 2016 Hello MicroX, I'm so sorry you feel as if you're all alone. It's so hard when you feel like everyone has forsaken you. You don't say what brought you to that conclusion ~ and that's certainly okay ~ but I truly am sorry you feel like you have no one that loves you. What stuck out to me in your post, though, was that you feel like God isn't with you, either. MicroX, I've been there. I've had many times in my life when I felt like He had abandoned me: My daughter died suddenly, my husband had affairs with other women, my parents were emotionally abusive. But through all of that, even when I didn't feel like God cared about me even a little bit, He never left me. And He will always be with you, even when you don't "feel" like He is, when you believe, truly believe, in Him. And if you're not a believer in Christ and you feel like you're alone, then let me say, He's waiting. He wants a true relationship with you, just like you want a relationship with others. Except with God, that relationship will last forever. He's just waiting for you to come to Him. Perhaps you're familiar with the story of the Prodigal Son in the New Testament, in the book of Luke, chapter 15, verses 11-32. If you're not familiar with it, it's quite the story about a son who takes his inheritance and leaves his family (a big deal in those days), then when he's broke and eating garbage the pigs he has to feed won't, he "comes to his senses" and returns to his father's home. Does his father reject him, like many would because of the wrong the son had done to him and the shame it brought the family? No, he certainly didn't. Instead, he RAN TO HIS SON WITH ARMS OUTSTRETCHED, and hugged him and held onto him and was so happy he'd come home. That's how God is with us. That's how He was with me when I was where you are a few years ago. Alone and feeling abandoned. But when I started toward Him, He ran to me with His arms outstretched and wrapped me in his love. And I haven't been alone, truly alone, since then. He's the God of hope, the God of my future. And He loves you, truly, and wants you to know Him. MicroX, I am praying for you right now, that you too can know the real love of God. If I can help you with this, please let me know.
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