laneyinlove Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Hey everyone. So it's been 5 months since the break up with my boyfriend. We broke up because we had been fighting a lot and I objected to his partying lifestyle and I think he has sex addiction problems. Well he's now at 36 dating a 22 year old girl that he is going to Thailand to visit. He met her there when he went the initial time and is going back there and I don't know what to make of it. The other day we were hanging out and he was like he has to do crazy things like this in order to feel that he is falling in love with someone. I know that when I met him he took me home to his homeland of paris and I met his whole entire family. He once said he thought I was the one. I don't know what to make of this. Was I just one of the girls that he used as a conquest and he moved on when he had me? This has messed me up in furture relatrionship where when it's too good to be true I run. I am dating a great guy right now and I told my ex about him and he always asks how we're doing and IMIng me all the time so I am wondering if he loves me still. Why is he checking up on me all the time?The great guy won't last because he is in a profession I cannot stand but I am having fun and spreading my wings. My question is with men who seem to have good game, do they ever really know how to love and are most men like this? I admit I want my ex back and sometimes wish I had given him the benefit of the doubt because I distrusted him from day one and am having issues wondering if he was trying to be a good boy from the beginning and I ruined it by pegging him as a bad boy and thus he remained so. On the other hand maybe my instincts were right in the first place? Someone please set me straight. He smokes pot does E, and coke sometimes,goes to parties with 22 year olds and likes flirting, throws wild parties, wanting to go to sex parties, going on sex site to solicit girls because he says he needs the fantasy of being desired because I did not validate him enough, addicted to porn, once solicited a escort while we were broken up, has said he wants to do every asian girl he sees, etc etc. Do men like this ever change for the right women or is that just a fantasy world and i shuold be relieved that he is not my problem because he's gonna be someone ele'se problem. I always think he's that rock star that will mellow out when he's in his late 30s near 40 . Needless to say I love him a lot and hope he still thinks I am the one but needs to get his partying out of his system? Please someone set me straight. I am gonna do no contact as of today to get over him and also see if he chases me. does this work? thanks!
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Do men like this ever change for the right women "One woman's player is another woman's prince." Yes. He may very well meet a woman who makes him want to change his ways. So far he hasn't found her. You can't make yourself be that woman, either - that is solely his perception, and if he doesn't see you as the woman, then you won't be. You may want to consider that you aren't really in love with him. You are in love with this false, idealized version of him that you think he could be "if only". That idealized version will likely never exist for you, given his behavior toward you already. This is who he really is to you: He smokes pot does E, and coke sometimes,goes to parties with 22 year olds and likes flirting, throws wild parties, wanting to go to sex parties, going on sex site to solicit girls because he says he needs the fantasy of being desired because I did not validate him enough, addicted to porn, once solicited a escort while we were broken up, has said he wants to do every asian girl he sees, etc etc. You can try 'no contact', and he may come back to you - but understand that his wanting you in his life doesn't necessarily mean he is going to be willing to change anything for you. This sounds like a 'take it or leave it' situation.
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