wmacbride Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I have sometimes heard of relationships in terms of "predator" and "prey", usually from the person who feels they are getting the short end of the stick and wants to place the blame for the romance on the other person involved. What is your view on this? While I could understand it if one of the people is very young or has some sort of mental health issue, but other than that, I find this description rather puzzling. If it's two adults, sure one may be a smooth talker or say what the other wants to hear, but is that really a "predator and prey" dynamic? Everyone can make foolish choices in relationships, but does that mean they've been preyed upon?
Popsicle Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 (edited) I think there are cases where one person is naive and the other person knows it and can see it and preys upon them to maximize their personal gains at the expense of the other. They are opportunists and sometimes they may go to great lengths to rationalize it too. A foolish mistake is when you know better but still do it, but being naive is when you don't even know something. Children are an example of the naive. Edited September 27, 2016 by Popsicle 4
mikeylo Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I think there are cases where one person is naive and the other person knows it and can see it and preys upon them to maximize their personal gains at the expense of the other. They are opportunists and sometimes they may go to great lengths to rationalize it too. A foolish mistake is when you know better but still do it, but being naive is when you don't even know something. Children are an example of the naive. Inexperienced people and the typical nice / good people are also taken for a ride by manipulators ( predators ) as they can sense their naivety. 4
preraph Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Certain men of all ages prefer very young women with little or no life experience because they can easily manipulate and fool them, plus they're still smooth-skinned. They are quick to take a man's word as the truth, which is not a good thing in most instances. Then once they learn the hard way a few times, they have "too much baggage," i.e. common sense. 3
Buddhist Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 It's just a BS explanation made up by people to explain their lack of success. Women use it, men use it often citing [blaming] biology as the reason. Humans do all sorts of things for reasons other than biology. Why do we eat french fries? It's not biology, there are no french fry tree's in the paleolithic world, we didn't evolve to eat them. We eat them for emotional reasons and that's also the core of why people subscribe to this kind of ideology. It plays to their neurosis so they can avoid the fact that human relationships are complex, difficult to fathom and there is no formula for success. I actively avoid men with a predator mentality (as in I hunt and if you don't act like frightened prey I'm not hunting you) because I don't like the idea of being with someone who could very well turn out to be a psycho. That's what predator mentality says to me. Why would I want that? I'm not prey, a victim nor do I want to be one thanks. When looking for a partnership I'm not going to find it in someone with this kind of thinking. It's very naive and unfortunately perpetrated by subscribers to Darwinian theories and PUA tactics. Neither of which are attractive to me. 1
MuddyFootprints Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 We all have our vulnerable spots. 'Predators' are particularly skilled at identifying the 'prey's' weakness and exploiting it. 1
GorillaTheater Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 "Predator" of course carries some heavy baggage, but I have fond memories of the hunt. I'm pretty sure I still hunt my wife, in fact. Rawr. 1
Shanex Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 While I agree with the other posters, I think naivety isn't a question of age. Naivety being often the 'polite', clean version of telling someone that he is an idiot. Older men may manipulate younger women, just like these cougars will do the same to 20s somethings dudes. Past a certain age either gender may love smoother skins. I also believe that there's a certain energy in younger people (and a positive one at that) that lack women my own age. Because of baggage and bitterness with life for some of them. Most of the time I was a prey in a way though, I have nothing of a player, don't look like one, don't act like one. I don't hunt at all.
jen1447 Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I don't know that I've heard them used together in a serious context. I'll occasionally joke about "prey" when I'm on the prowl, but I don't literally think of ppl as that. "Predator" afaik is only ever used in relationship or sexual contexts for serious business references to actual criminals like rapists. Don't know anyone who even jokingly refers to themselves as a predator. 1
Author wmacbride Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 While I agree with the other posters, I think naivety isn't a question of age. Naivety being often the 'polite', clean version of telling someone that he is an idiot. Older men may manipulate younger women, just like these cougars will do the same to 20s somethings dudes. Past a certain age either gender may love smoother skins. I also believe that there's a certain energy in younger people (and a positive one at that) that lack women my own age. Because of baggage and bitterness with life for some of them. Most of the time I was a prey in a way though, I have nothing of a player, don't look like one, don't act like one. I don't hunt at all. Your mention of cougars made me think of this ...
Shanex Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Your mention of cougars made me think of this ... And I genuinely thought it would be some animal documentary, thanks for reminding me of mommy stiffer. Take me right back. Their description of the cougar was amusing and accurate, BTDT.
Woggle Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Not healthy relationships but it seems too many people are incapable of having one these days. 1
Woggle Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 It seems that in many circles today men and women are only capable of having an adversarial relationship. They forget that romantic partners or even just sexual partners are not supposed to be against each other. They are not supposed to be enemies or get one over on the other or any of that. When you have a relationship it is supposed to be a mutually beneficial thing where you are both on the same side. 3
Author wmacbride Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 It seems that in many circles today men and women are only capable of having an adversarial relationship. They forget that romantic partners or even just sexual partners are not supposed to be against each other. They are not supposed to be enemies or get one over on the other or any of that. When you have a relationship it is supposed to be a mutually beneficial thing where you are both on the same side. I aree. I am so glad I am not dating anymore, as if I was, I don't think I'd know what the hell was going on. 1
Gloria25 Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Couples, especially married ones, are like salt and pepper shakers. As much as from the outside others don't get it, they're a match - no matter how healthy or dysfunctional. For example, ever consider some weaker people seek out someone controlling? Like a woman who is weak, meek, goes with a controlling guy. You may ask "why"? Well, maybe she grew up with her parents making all her decisions for her, so, she has no clue to be on her own - so, she gets a guy who pretty much is like her parents - a guy who runs the show and pushes her around. So, while from the outside one may look at her as the "prey" and him as the "predator", he's what she wants. I've learned over the years not to get involved with married people and their drama. You get involved and when they get back together again you're made out to be the bad guy. 2
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 I don't know that I've heard them used together in a serious context. I'll occasionally joke about "prey" when I'm on the prowl, but I don't literally think of ppl as that. "Predator" afaik is only ever used in relationship or sexual contexts for serious business references to actual criminals like rapists. Don't know anyone who even jokingly refers to themselves as a predator. Any time I hear 'predator", I think of 3 things: 1) Heroes of Newerth - Predator 2) Predator - the movie series 3) To catch a predator with that guy from dateline NBC. I think you are absolutely right. I don't think I would even joke about that to someone unless I knew without a doubt they'd take it as a joke.
Emilia Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 Everyone can make foolish choices in relationships, but does that mean they've been preyed upon? Big age-gap relationships or domineering people choosing partners with very low self esteem. 2
Arieswoman Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 WMcB I am so glad I am not dating anymore, as if I was, I don't think I'd know what the hell was going on. You and me both sweetie ! I agree with other posters that some men take advantage of a girl/woman's naiivity. How many posts do we get on these forums from females who have been persuaded by a guy on a 1st/2nd/3rd date that they are "special". And then they have sex with them and get dumped? I wish I could smack these silly girls over the head with 2 x 4 but they would probably still believe all the guff these guys spout. I despair about falling standards from these young women I really do...rant over. 3
stillafool Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 WMcB I wish I could smack these silly girls over the head with 2 x 4 but they would probably still believe all the guff these guys spout. I despair about falling standards from these young women I really do...rant over. I agree. Everyone is warned about players in music, tv shows, articles, movies and people in our lives; most notably parents and friends. Sometimes these girls know of a guys reputation and still seek his attention. When it doesn't work out the way they want (which is him falling for them) they cry that they were used and preyed upon. Never mind the fact that they wanted and enjoyed the sex and attention from this guy before he moved on; yet they cry that they were used. Really? The same with women who knowingly get involved with married men. If you know a man is married and chose to get involved with him you are not prey but a willing participant. 4
cocorico Posted September 29, 2016 Posted September 29, 2016 If both are adults making an informed choice, neither is prey nor predator. If one is a child, or mentally disabled, or drugged or under threat or in any other way unable to give informed consent, then it is predator / prey (and rape, if sex took place). I don't understand grown people who make bad decisions later looking back on those decisions and attempting to absolve themselves by ascribing to themselves a victim role, as prey. If you cannot accept responsibility for your choices and deal with the consequences, you are doomed to repeat your mistakes. 1
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