i've been a stubborn!!

[drowan]

So, my ex and I dated for a year and a half; she has a 5 year old son. about 9 months in her ex, sons daddy, moves to town. i am pleased bc now she has more time to hang (she lived at her parents). but, turns out this guy is an abusive narcissist who got upset that I spent time with heir son. i demanded to meet me, i agreed, but he never followed through. he did not drive and lived a half hour from my ex so she drove their son back and forth. she complained that he yelled and swore at her in front of their son. i suggested that she not take their son to see him anymore, or make him pick up their son. but, she felt her son should know his dad and continued to take the abuse.

 

then one day i text her; no reply. did it again; no reply. called her; no answer. so i drove over there. she had this very cold, upset look on her face. she would not tell me what was wrong. her son ran up to me to play, but she brushed him away. she told me to leave, but i demanded that she tell me whats up. she reluctantly told me that her ex had accused me of sexually abusing their son. that her son told a story that implicated me. i was completely blindsided. did not see this coming. she seemed to believe it, and i got very upset at the very notion of it. the story sounded unrealistic and her son sounded coached. the story was that their son and her ex were in the shower together when her son yanked his dad's penis. the dad asked there son if anyone else touched him that way. son did not answer and the dad asked him if it was me that touched him, and the son said yes. that is exactly how it went.

 

i was amazed that she did not see through this or jump to my defense. she said she was confused and that she did not believe it, but thought that her ex believed it was true. made no sense. it sounded like the dad just fed words into the boys mouth. then she started taking her son to therapy. that made no sense because nothing actually happened to the boy. about 6 weeks went by when her son asked his mom if they could play this ninja turtle game that he played with dad. and, when the son described the game it was clear that there was some abuse coming from the father. when she told the story her son just told to the therapist the therapist said she had to report him to CPS. she had no concern about the story of me. When her ex got wind of this he blamed us for framing him and then went and reported me as well. I had to go through the interview process and everything and I came out ok. Nothing could be done about the father because the son did not voluntarily repeat the story to anyone so he got off the hook .

 

I kept my cool during much of this bc I did not want to add to her stress. but it was very hurtful and stressful for me. she actually took her son to still see him after that so I tried to break up, but she did not want to and she was so sad that I stayed.

 

Her ex eventually moved away, but i do not think we ever shook the dark cloud that her ex cast upon our relationship. About 7 months later she said she needed space and just disappeared. no real explanation, and just ignored me. a week later she wanted to meet face to face. she cried, said how much she loved me but needed to be alone to raise her son. I was hurt, but got over it.

 

2 weeks later I run into her less than a mile from my house at my favorite thrift store. turns out she finally moved out of her folks home into her own place. she went from 12 miles from me to less than a mile. the entire time we dated she did not like living at her parents and i tried to help her move out but she would change the subject. she set a couple dates to move out, but never did. and, I knew if she did not that we would not last so i was really looking forward to her one day moving out so we could really be a couple.

 

I have not been able to let this go. and although she finally apologized to me saying what she did was wrong, and how she did it was wrong, i feel like there is a lot she is not telling me. and to be honest i feel after what i went through for her, for us, that she owed me an honest explanation. most of my messages were ignored. i would vow not to contact her, then go out and drink, get upset and message her. sometimes with accusations, other times like a lonely chump. Now i feel like the ******* in the picture when all along i was trying to be the good guy. it sucks having her living so close, and i have gone on dates with other women. but i feel like she robbed me of at least a chance to see how things would be once she moved out. i even suspected that her ex may be coming back-which would really suck. i am sure there is no way i can come out of this with my self respect, but i thought i would ask. sorry for the long story

Edited September 27, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for paragraphs and inappropriate title ~ V

[Zahara]

I think you've posted this story under a different username some time ago because it sounds very familiar.

 

You need to move on from this -- dwelling on what was, what could have been is futile. She didn't rob you of anything. If anything it was a blessing that you are away from this mess.

 

In any case, it sounds like a lot of drama and you don't want to be involved within this toxic entanglement. They both sound like unhealthy people -- and the only one I feel sorry for is this child.

[Toodaloo]

That is a whole heap of drama and you should stay away from her.

 

Any woman who can continue to allow a child to see a person that abused them is unstable.

 

Be glad she called it off. This had bad news written all over it and that means bad news for you not her.

[aloneinaz]

I think you've posted this story under a different username some time ago because it sounds very familiar.

 

You need to move on from this -- dwelling on what was, what could have been is futile. She didn't rob you of anything. If anything it was a blessing that you are away from this mess.

 

In any case, it sounds like a lot of drama and you don't want to be involved within this toxic entanglement. They both sound like unhealthy people -- and the only one I feel sorry for is this child.

 

This^^ My gosh, reading that was like a script from the Jerry Springer show. What's to miss from that toxic, dysfunctional relationship?

 

Stay NC and never speak to her again. Focus on meeting someone new who doesn't have that mountain of baggage and BS.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

she reluctantly told me that her ex had accused me of sexually abusing their son. that her son told a story that implicated me. i was completely blindsided. did not see this coming. she seemed to believe it, and i got very upset at the very notion of it. the story sounded unrealistic and her son sounded coached. the story was that their son and her ex were in the shower together when her son yanked his dad's penis. the dad asked there son if anyone else touched him that way. son did not answer and the dad asked him if it was me that touched him, and the son said yes. that is exactly how it went.

 

You're not gonna like what I have to say.

 

If it's not true, get away from this toxic situation.

 

If it is true, and that was my son, I wouldn't rest until you had broken legs and I would gladly serve that sentence knowing you'd never be able to walk again.

[elaine567]

You're not gonna like what I have to say.

 

If it's not true, get away from this toxic situation.

 

If it is true, and that was my son, I wouldn't rest until you had broken legs and I would gladly serve that sentence knowing you'd never be able to walk again.

 

I guess you didn't read any further...

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I guess you didn't read any further...

 

But I did....

 

about 6 weeks went by when her son asked his mom if they could play this ninja turtle game that he played with dad. and, when the son described the game it was clear that there was some abuse coming from the father

 

His alibi is that the kid is too young to know what's going on even though therapists have recommended CPS due to his responses, and his counter argument is that a ninja turtle game he described with his father sounded like he was being abused....asking his mom to play the game, but not repeating THAT "story" to any therapists...only the story of step-dad touching him....??

 

Yes, I did read further!

 

Nothing could be done about the father because the son did not voluntarily repeat the story to anyone so he got off the hook

 

So he ran around repeating the story about how you touched him in the shower, repeatedly, but he doesn't go around repeating the turtle game to you, just his mother? Which you then associated with abuse? Which seems to be unfounded due to the investigation being dropped....because he wouldn't repeat the turtle game...even though you already admitted he freely asked his mother to play that game?

 

Look, I know I'm getting worked up because I'm putting myself in this fathers shoes.

 

But, if that was my baby momma, and anyone mistreated her or my son, I promise I'd hunt you down. Gladly.

 

If none of this happened (the abuse), then count your blessings and leave this toxic situation behind!

[KatieCares]

It's so difficult when someone tells lies about us, and even more difficult when those lies affect our relationship with someone we truly care about. I know how difficult this is for you, and I am truly sorry; but I think that you must prepare yourself to move on. This really does seem like a toxic situation. You seem like a really caring person, and I believe that the right person is out there waiting for you. God bless!

[drowan]

i guess i can understand the devils advocate reply but for the record i believe what i was being accused of is the most heinous of all crimes against another person. that being said, part of the insanity of this whole thing is that in his accusation it is actually the boy acting in an inappropriate manner, not the adult. if I am repeating myself with this issue it tells me two things. One, that this is probably one of the worst things to falsely accuse another of doing and unfortunately once it is put out there for others to hear one can never truly erase it completely from the ears who have heard it. The trauma lingers for months, possibly years. Aside from being mugged and hit in the head with a lead pipe, it is certainly the worst thing I have ever been through. Especially when I was only trying to be a positive male role model in this boys life where he had none. And because of my compassion for my gf at the time I denied myself my day in court so to say. And two, some participants in this forum spend entirely too much time here and even take on the role of a LoveSHack warden over all of the visitors here. And, all I can suggest to those types who feel a need to call out those such as myself whose horrible chapters of lost love do not simply vanish because one manages to not call their ex for a month. Sometimes emotional trauma exists post traumatic experience and it is therapuetic to hear the advice and opinions of others as a reminder that I really did not do anything wrong except offer my love to a woman and her son and although I may have dodged a bullet-my love was real, and being alone to wallow in this aftermath just simply sucks.

Also, I might add that in this age where texting and emailing have taken the place of regular face to face conversation I believe folks are getting soft and all too often choose to just simply walk away from a situation that presents any level of stress or confrontation when really some people need to be stopped and endure some consequences for inflicting such unwarranted attacks to anothers character and general well being. Sometimes a counter attack is necessary in hopes that these degenerates will think twice before attempting to destroy anothers life for their own fearful, self serving agenda. In this case, I had my attorney send a letter to the Dad ( at his work bc my ex would not provide his home address) which informed him that it is against the law to knowingly make such false accusations and that if he continued he may face a defamation lawsuit. So happens that his boss read the letter before giving it to him. Then he left town.

I have also taken two landlords to court for blatantly violating my rights as a tenant to privacy and personal property-and I won!!! I could have walked away and just felt relieved to no longer dwell in the vicinity of these injustices. But, that would only reenforce the actions of the violators who would just continue to selfishly disrupt the lives of others for their own gain and amusement.