blackcatbunny Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 So I have a sex buddy or I would say FWB since things between us aren't only about sex anymore. I've been seeing him since March. It was just a hook up. We met once/twice a week at that time. He still saw other girls and I still saw other guys. We rarely talk about life, or sharing daily stuffs, just sex and never stay over each other's place. 3 months ago, once he asked me to come over and I did. We just chilled, spent time night together, just to listen to some of his favourite pieces of music, watched a movie and kissed a lot. He played a song and asked me if I know Waltz, I don't, he took my hand and taught me how to dance. Since that day, we rarely saw each other (may be until a few weeks later) I don't remember, but still chat everyday, just daily stuffs and bull****. Because I had a long holiday and he had things to fix. After that I started seeing another guy. (until now, it had been more than 2 months) and my fwb knows it. But then we started talking a lot (like everyday - he always text me first), went out for coffee. I stayed over his place, we went jogging together, played game together. He texted me everyday during his holiday, sent me photos and keep me posted about what he's doing, but no sex (last time we had sex was like 2 months ago). We sleep together sometime, but we just cuddle, he kisses my back, kisses my forehead, holds my hands but no sex. About the guy who I'm seeing, there's a coincidence here. That guy and him are SA-fellows, they know each other, but not too close. And my fwb keeps asking/ teasing me about us a lot like how's thing going, what's the due between us. And he asked if that guy know about us and know that we're still seeing each other, I didn't say anything and he just laughed and said : C'mon, Just tell me, I'm ok with it. or kind of things. Yesterday, he texted me, and told me he went on a date with a girl on Saturday, he likes her but she didn't text him back. Then we talked about dating, I told him it's funny to see him being confusing because of a girl (he's a playboy) and something like that. I also told him that, he's not bf material. And he was so pissed because I said that. So after a while, I said I'm sorry, I didn't mean bad and explain why I said that, then he told me he's sorry because he might have over-reacted a bit, and he's a bit wonky at the moment. So now it's weird, that I have some very abnormal feeling when I know he had feeling for another girl and that girl also makes him feel wonky. Am I too selfish that I'm ok with the fact we're only sex buddy, but still I don't want him to have any serious things with other girls?
Ami1uwant Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 these are the risks of a FWB or whatever you want to call this relationship. 2
Toodaloo Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 People always end up developing feelings... How do you think the guy you have been dating is going to feel about you still meeting up with another guy for the first 2 months of your relationship... You are onto a sticky wicket here... 1
basil67 Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Toodaloo, you'd be from a cricket playing nation...
Toodaloo Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Toodaloo, you'd be from a cricket playing nation... Clearly because I am not shagging more than one guy (actually OP isn't sleeping with him but is effectively "dating" her FWB and the other guy) at the same time... Now that just isn't cricket!!! 2
PogoStick Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 You're allowed to feel however you want about your FWB. However, it doesn't mean he will listen. Two problems: 1. You're no longer having sex, which means he's more likely to want another girl, and has less to lose with you. 2. You're dating someone else which really weakens your position. Next thing you know, you'll complain, he'll raise #2, you'll break up and end up in a relationship with the FWB. Then that relationship will fall apart because it was never meant to be or you would have both done it already.
Miss Peach Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 Sounds to me like he wanted the option - even if it was just his ego talking and not something he's serious about.
Author blackcatbunny Posted September 28, 2016 Author Posted September 28, 2016 So now, he completely see me as a best friend. Asking me for dating tips and nice place for a date, daily problem, his plans. Hmmm. He talks more to me, like everyday, about his life and his thoughts or some secret. Now It makes me a bit jealous with that girl, even I’m dating another guy. It’s so weird……. In fact the guy I’m seeing now is really nice, but I don’t see that he would want to commit even he does spend time with me. But guess that I should wait and see. My fwb knows him too, they’ve known each other for year, he might be able to give me some advice
Toodaloo Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 So now, he completely see me as a best friend. Asking me for dating tips and nice place for a date, daily problem, his plans. Hmmm. He talks more to me, like everyday, about his life and his thoughts or some secret. Now It makes me a bit jealous with that girl, even I’m dating another guy. It’s so weird……. In fact the guy I’m seeing now is really nice, but I don’t see that he would want to commit even he does spend time with me. But guess that I should wait and see. My fwb knows him too, they’ve known each other for year, he might be able to give me some advice I have to tell you I would not want to be committing to a guy that is still meeting up with and hugging and kissing another woman, watching TV and "hanging" like that... Its just plain weird. My honest advice to you is that if you want a lasting relationship then ditch both and start afresh one guy at a time.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 (edited) 1. Why do people get into FWB relationships? boredom, time-passing ( just to have something before moving on to someone else) lust and ( I want this someone, but I'll get what ever I can get in the meantime. Any attention from this person is good attention) desperation, practice ( from lack of experience) just out of a break up, so not looking for something serious, young ( sew the wild oats phase of youth). They actually want to and are sexual so they want to have fun. 2.Why do people get out of them? Someone has begun seeing someone they really like or someone has developed feelings for someone else, it fizzled out OR they developed feelings for the person they are in a FWB relationship with. 3. Why do people resist them all together? so the hurt from experiencing example number 2 doesn't happen to them. I think there is always a risk of someone getting their heart broken if you do in fact develop feelings with the person you are in a casual relationship with. I gambled with it when I have been in FWB relationships, I liked the practice and the confidence it gave me, but eventually I realised I am more of a relationship kind of person even if relationships do come few and far between. I think sometimes in order to do casual, you either have to know you're the bees knees OR develop thicker skin. There is always a gamble with these things. Sometimes it pays off but for some people it's best not to go there at all depending on sensitive you are or they are ( the person you are having the FWB relationship with) Edited October 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
Justanaverageguy Posted September 28, 2016 Posted September 28, 2016 (edited) My honest advice to you is that if you want a lasting relationship then ditch both and start afresh one guy at a time. But does she actually want to have a lasting relationship ? This is the question. If she doesn't then no issue. In saying that there are certain unspoken rules that generally go with FWB. Number 1 is generally not talking about other partners. Its a don't ask don't tell situation. As soon as you broach that topic and start talking about other partners things get weird. Doesn't matter whether this person is interested in just straight sex and nothing else no one wants to hear directly about your other sexual partners. Additionally part of the attraction of friends with benefits is the sexual variety and the fact you aren't super close with the person. Often the sex can be a bit dirtier, experimental. Drunky booty calls and the like. If you have had a FWB for a while - a friendship and familiarity develops and often the sexual spark and attraction wanes. In short it sounds like as a result of the above your FWB has as converted you to a friend minus the benefits. Edited September 28, 2016 by Justanaverageguy
Author blackcatbunny Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 So now we stopped having sex. Then we started talking a lot everyday. I kind of know most of big event in his life recently. He told me about the date, about the girl, about his life (salary, starting with the gym and so on) Once I told him that he isn't a bf material, he was so pissed. So when I helped him with his dating problems, he told me : "You're helping me to be bf material" By talking with him a lot, learnt more about him. I slightly found out some good traits of him that I didn't see it before (when we only meet and have sex). And I feel like : He's bf material somehow. Slowly but surely. Guess that I should step out of this rls before It goes worse
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