Bing Bong Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I just recently got some hard news from my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. We met in our senior year of high school and about 8 months in, it was time to go off to college (her in FL and me in VA). We decided to try things long distance and it definitely was difficult. We both missed each other greatly and made sure to make time for one another. Although looking back, regular meaningful communication was something we could’ve done better. Well a month or so ago we began experiencing some tension, both of us anxious and a little apprehensive about missing one another. Historically, the distance hit us exceptionally hard for only a week or so at a time and not that often. This instance just happened to be a bit longer and we both were experiencing a “down” time simultaneously. Then I won some concert tix on the radio to one of our favorite bands. We both dropped some money on a cheap flight and she came up here for the weekend. We saw the concert, spent time in DC, I showed her around my university for the first time. It was an awesome weekend for us both! About one week after she flew back to FL, I get a phone call from her and she asks if I’m home and can talk. I say yes and she instantly breaks into sobbing and says she can’t do this anymore. This was literally out of the blue as we had un an unusually healthy relationship that had never even veered close to that sort of thing. Anyways, we talked a bit via text the next day after the initial rush of emotions passed for us both (I say initial, NOT ALL by any means) and she clarified things a bit as to why she did it. From what I can gather (and I do believe that she is sincere in all of these points…or at least she thinks she is sincere. Meaning she thinks this is how and why she is feeling this): – She still loves me and thinks I’m an awesome person – I’m still her best friend and she is hoping that after I move on, she will still have me as that (she began crying when she spoke of how long it may be before she got her best friend back) – She did this not because she doesn’t love me but because the distance is too hard. It’s put her in some serious periods of depression and it’s affecting her schoolwork increasingly more) – She has felt that maybe we’re drifting apart (I have felt it too but I attributed it to the distance and lack of constant physical interaction…also the lack of quality communication by both of us) – She said that after she came up to go to the concert and everything she felt great and that any uncertainty that things may be heading south vanished..but as soon as she got back home in FL, those thoughts “sneak attacked” her 10x worse – Because of this, I thought that perhaps the acute separation anxiety caused her to make a rash decision (the few days right after we head back to school in different states is always hard, especially on her). She said she honestly didn’t know if this was a rash decision or if she’d realize she dun goof’d in a few days – She said she hopes that one day in the future our paths will cross again and that we’ll reconnect and go from there. She said she would love that because she truly loves me and believes/believed I was her soulmate So in conclusion, it seems like she’s forcing herself to do this. Like she’s mentally overriding the “love signals” her heart is sending in order to do this. It was a very peaceful breakup and I took it quite gracefully. Neither of us said or did anything rude or that we may regret. I haven’t communicated with her at all since the morning of the 2nd day after the breakup when I replied to the last message she sent the night before (I had gone to bed before she sent it). In the morning, I didn’t reply to her text (because there really wasn’t anything to reply about). I just said “Thank you. Have a good day, _____” Is there any advice, tips, analysis anyone can give me on the situation? I'm about a week into No Contact and I may reach out lightly and casually in about a month. This is unlike a case where I can simply ask for a casual coffee "date" down the road to try and bring things back together. How do I do this with an LDR?
Ady1974 Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 LDR are hard. Distance is distance. It can be 50 miles or 500 miles. Unless you have this LDR with a end goal in mind then try make it work. By end goal i mean after college you are planning on moving in together or moving to the same city to work etc. If not, then you need to let her go for both your sake. Maybe the two of you will meet up sometime again in the future and have a wonderful life together. Maybe not. If you want her then you have to sit down with her and make it happen. Plan a future together where you both know what the end goal is and how you are going to get there and start working on it. If not, then love her and yourself enough to let this one go and learn from the love and experiences you have had together. She will always have a special place in your heart and i'm sure you will have that special place in her heart to.
Recommended Posts