GTR King Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 (edited) Ok so this Friday I had already made plans to go out for a few drinks with a work mate & maybe few others about 9-10ish... I was chatting to a girl on tinder (For about 1-2 weeks) and last Friday decided to ask her on a date (She accepted) and we exchanged numbers and I suggested we meet up this week, She suggested Friday... So I chose the place (Nice Local bar which dose food & drink 10-20 mins walk from me) & meet about 7ish for drinks/get to know each other. I told my work my work mate I will meet up after the date about 10/11ish maybe before depends how well the date goes... So is 3-4 hours enough for a first date?? I think it is, Some people told me it's enough time to get to know each other and still see your mates after & some people told me I shouldn't be going with my mates after and just concentrated on the date etc... How long should a first date last? what my best plan?? I don't wanna let my friend down but also don't wanna come across that I wanna rush the date, Edited September 26, 2016 by GTR King
smackie9 Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 3 to 4 hours is more than enough BUT if things are going great it could turn into 6 to 7 hours. Cancel on your buddy if you have to...I'm sure he would understand. You have to ask yourself...what are your priorities. 1
Author GTR King Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 Thanks will see how the date goes & if we do meet up. Who knows what will happen
insert_name Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I've had so many 4+ hour first dates that have gone nowhere, I resent the waste of time really so now I think it is best to limit your time investment - 1.15 hours max. Imo as a guy you can most definitely over stay your welcome and kill attraction you may have built up whereas I fail to see how you can lose by cutting a date short. Use the first date to find out if they look like their pictures (in a good way) and their personality merits a longer second date. It also puts you in control of things, I don't think women respond well when they are the ones who have to bring the date to an end. 2
Author GTR King Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 Thanks so 1.5/ 2hours a good amount of time for a first date? Don't wanna be the one keep looking at my watch etc
insert_name Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 Thanks so 1.5/ 2hours a good amount of time for a first date? Don't wanna be the one keep looking at my watch etc 1.5 should be more than enough. I set my phone alarm so it vibrates silently in my pocket then at that point look at my watch: "oh look at the time! Gotta hit the road in a minute" casually finish off my drink, see her to the door and then off I go. Either way it is hard to lose from that point on as if she isn't interested in seeing me again then I saved myself hours of idle chat with someone I will never see again.
Miss Peach Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I've had so many 4+ hour first dates that have gone nowhere, I resent the waste of time really so now I think it is best to limit your time investment - 1.15 hours max. Imo as a guy you can most definitely over stay your welcome and kill attraction you may have built up whereas I fail to see how you can lose by cutting a date short. Use the first date to find out if they look like their pictures (in a good way) and their personality merits a longer second date. It also puts you in control of things, I don't think women respond well when they are the ones who have to bring the date to an end. I feel the same. I know a lot of guy judge how long the date lasts to boast its success. I don't believe that's true. 1.5 should be more than enough. I set my phone alarm so it vibrates silently in my pocket then at that point look at my watch: "oh look at the time! Gotta hit the road in a minute" casually finish off my drink, see her to the door and then off I go. Either way it is hard to lose from that point on as if she isn't interested in seeing me again then I saved myself hours of idle chat with someone I will never see again. I am always upfront and tell people I have other plans and how much time I can spend. If they want more time, I suggest a different date/time. I wouldn't want someone to think I wasn't interested because cut the date short out of no where. FWIW I respect it when men can be upfront rather than play a bunch of games. My ex did this and it hurt him because even though he got me, I didn't get him figured out, how much he was into me, etc. so I waited extra long to sleep with him.
insert_name Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 I feel the same. I know a lot of guy judge how long the date lasts to boast its success. I don't believe that's true. I am always upfront and tell people I have other plans and how much time I can spend. If they want more time, I suggest a different date/time. I wouldn't want someone to think I wasn't interested because cut the date short out of no where. FWIW I respect it when men can be upfront rather than play a bunch of games. My ex did this and it hurt him because even though he got me, I didn't get him figured out, how much he was into me, etc. so I waited extra long to sleep with him. My interpretation of the psychology is that on a first date it is hard to bridge the attraction gap. How do you escalate and move things to a more intimate level? A short date doesn't allow that problem to really become entrenched in the girl's mind. The problem with 2 hours and more is that with no escalation the girl starts to see the situation as her having a chat with a friend and it can only get worse from there. As a guy I have seen this myself, when you can feel the 'momentum' between you and you can tell the girl is attracted. Then you stay another hour and you can just tell that the momentum that was built up has evaporated and she is no longer looking at you the way she was an hour ago. I suppose my method of imposing a time constraint might seem like game playing- the problem with being clear before hand about the amount of time is the girl might expect a longer date and not be so bothered then if told in advance that I only have an hour. Arriving at the date and telling her the truth, that I am only staying for an hour because I've learned from previous failed dates is probably too much information! So my approach, whilst imperfect, is a middle ground of sorts.
Miss Peach Posted September 27, 2016 Posted September 27, 2016 My interpretation of the psychology is that on a first date it is hard to bridge the attraction gap. How do you escalate and move things to a more intimate level? A short date doesn't allow that problem to really become entrenched in the girl's mind. The problem with 2 hours and more is that with no escalation the girl starts to see the situation as her having a chat with a friend and it can only get worse from there. As a guy I have seen this myself, when you can feel the 'momentum' between you and you can tell the girl is attracted. Then you stay another hour and you can just tell that the momentum that was built up has evaporated and she is no longer looking at you the way she was an hour ago. I suppose my method of imposing a time constraint might seem like game playing- the problem with being clear before hand about the amount of time is the girl might expect a longer date and not be so bothered then if told in advance that I only have an hour. Arriving at the date and telling her the truth, that I am only staying for an hour because I've learned from previous failed dates is probably too much information! So my approach, whilst imperfect, is a middle ground of sorts. I know what you mean about momentum. I've had that issue with some guys. I've had others that I could happily spend a few days with. What types of dates are you planning for a first date? If it was something like lunch or coffee I wouldn't expect even a good date to last more than a few hours. So if we leave after that point it doesn't feel weird or like I did something wrong. Dinner gets little more tricky because one side tends to get offended if it's literally just dinner. Usually it's dinner and a walk, dinner and drinks, dinner and a night cap, etc. Dinner dates tend to go longer and may be better for a 3rd or later date. If you have a timer on a dinner date like that, I would assume you cut it short because it wasn't working out. One of the situations I did it in was a coffee date. We planned it for a Sunday afternoon because that was the only time we could find a mutual time. But I already had dinner plans so I let him know we could meet but that I had dinner plans already. I ran into him later and he thought since I cut the date short that I wasn't that interested and didn't call me for a second date. I've also had this happen to me where a guy took me home after dinner and I was sitting home alone at 8pm on a Saturday. I wish he would have given me the option to pick a better day if he knew he had to help his family out later. It felt strange having an hour long dinner date on the weekend. FWIW I really appreciate people being straightforward. I am that way myself and I find I really respect it. So if you are trying to attract a woman like me being upfront ahead of time won't necessarily backfire. I have a male friend who is like that and he was initially afraid to be that direct with me because he says that a lot of women can't handle it. It won't work though on some women as you suspect. It's all about the type you're trying to attract.
Author GTR King Posted September 28, 2016 Author Posted September 28, 2016 I am just gonna see how the date goes & let things flow naturally. I will wait till Friday lunchtime/afternoon (If not heard from her by then) & say something like, See you at 7 outside Issac's (Name of bar) looking forward to it xx If she cancelles, I will move on unless it very good reason why she cancelled date.
Author GTR King Posted October 1, 2016 Author Posted October 1, 2016 Update: Went on date (Lasted about 1 hour 30 mins) I bought her a drink and we chatted... The convos were good & I made her laugh a few times... At end of the date I asked her if she had a nice time, She said I had a lovely time & will be nice to meet up again so send me a text & we will sort something out.. So will see what happens
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